Friday, June 24, 2011

My Husband Has Left a Trail of Email Addresses Across the Net



            One of the next things that happened was I found a wade of paper he had tossed away, but what caught m eye was a piece on the top wth a partial email address on it. When I looked at the paper it had about 5 email addresses, all belonging to my husband.
They were: fictionalized of course:
        jsmith6606@yahoo.com
        jsmith6606@juno.com
        jsmith6606@aol.com
        jsmith6606@msn.com
and the oddball jsmith101@aol.com


As Judge Judy says in her book, “Beauty Fades and Dumb is Forever“   a collection of information is good, so I copied them down and kept them.

It wasn’t too long after that that we were working out of town……..
Myself I didn’t work directly for the client but in a co-ordinator-gopher capacity. At the end of the shift I would go to the site and had been instructed by him to always park in a particular area of the parking lot. In the office that he occupied with his partner they had security cameras set up, and one was trained on the area where I parked. One day I backed into the designated spot and walked in the building, down the hall and into the office. He was sitting at the desk with his laptop on and seemed engrossed and slightly amused. When he glanced up, did a double take and saw me walking in, I saw panic on his face. Then as I put my purse down on the floor next to his desk and went to take my usual seat he stood up and bummed rushed me out of the office and paraded me through a series of other offices with some cockamamie story. Then he told me to go out and wait in the car….he wouldn’t even let me get my purse. Hello!!!

So I got suspicious and when I was alone in our hotel room I started researching online personal sites. I quickly discovered that it you went to the forgotten password page I could enter his email address and find out if he even had an account (it’s not necessarily the same these days). Then I recalled the list of email addresses.
I went to the different providers and plugged in the addresses. In two of the cases he had written down the password. In the other few cases I guessed the password based on experience. In a matter of miuntes I was into one, juno, 2 aol, 1 yahoo and 1 msn email accounts.
Only two of them had any contact info left in them and if I had it to do over I would have gone into them differently and possibly would have been able to retrieve more information. But that's another post.
Until next time,

Jane

Monday, June 20, 2011

The Cycle of Infidelity


Within the first part of out relationship we were hashing out some of the issues that plague people of our age that have been previously married so while there was a shift in our relationship (that 100% trust of mine became guarded, but my affections only grew, bad combination.)
When he was’t out of town we were almost always together and live in a small town. I began to feel like as long as he was where I could see him……
Then he started working exclusively for one company which I had also worked for in a different capacity so I was able to go on those assignments and from those he started his own company and I always went. Gone was the "he’s out of town insecurities," but things didn’t stop.
And as with other problems and abuse it cycled and as I have already mentioned when we are in a good cycle or at least what I perceive of as a clean time when he’s not looking around, things are great and I wonder if maybe I was imagining things.


            Have you ever put poison on an ant hill and it disappears only to show up somewhere else? Well that is one of the stages of the cycle.  I’m pretty sure I’m on one or two steps behind him and then nothing. No activity, he seems like the paragone of virtue and it’s at this point that I wonder several things.
1.     Was I imaging it?
2.     Did he decide he couldn’t go through with it?
3.     Or the most likely one, did he sense that I was suspicious whether or not he knew how much I had figured out or not is up for debate.

By the way...we have just eased into this part of the cycle only this time instead of comforted I am increasingly annoyed and frustrated. More and more I feel like if I have to feel this way at all for any reason it's just not worth it. We'll see.

Friday, June 17, 2011

How to search for your husband's online dating profile screen name.

If you believe your husband has online profiles you have to search for it in several ways.
I'll use my husband as an example.
I knew from when we first met that he used a portion of his name and initials in addition to a certain 4 number combination for email I.D.s.
As I accidentally found out about the first profile (which I will get back to the back story of how I found actual profiles on the next few posts) I realized he used the same initial/name combo in addition to numerical combinations which referenced important dates in his life. These were fairly easy to search for with the added combination of those dates and a word for something he was, say for ex: an Air Force Airman Basic...his profile would be "Airman0675", or even in one case 75Airman, a bit tougher to search for.
The other way he has slipped by is by using screen names that reference his computer, try Blkcr0678 on for size for Black Acer and his favorite numbers.

Anyway....I need to get back to how all of this has progressed to bring me to this point where I have so much information on the subject. As I mentioned above, back to the back story starting next week.

As always,

Jane

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Searching Online Dating Profiles


My husband has several online dating profiles.
Here’s a tip.
If you decide to go the route of setting up your own profile in order to “watch” what he is doing, you may end up with profiles on sites that come in your email as references from sites you and your husband are already on.
If you decide to expand your net and sign on to these sites, as initially time consuming as it may seem, it is in my experience, a good idea to check ALL notifications you receive.

Here’s the situation: Most dating sites will send you an email “notification” that someone has browsed your profile, winked, flirted, hotlisted your profile, or sent you a message.
Since it’s possible that you don’t yet know your husbands profile name you need to look at all the profiles that interact with yours.
So you click on the login button and see that “LovesSking477” has winked at you and you know that your husband has never seen a ski in his life, so you can pretty well say to yourself “well that’s not my husband.”
Here’s the tip: look at the profile anyway….it will save you time in the future. “LovesSking477” picture and stats assure you it can’t be your man, but a few days later you are on AFF and you see “LovesSking477 and they don’t have a picture on their profile. Because you already checked them out on the first site you save that step here.

Spending a few minutes here and there, checking the notifications and “new members” will keep you current, save you time and prevent a possible ‘miss’ should your husband set up a profile on an additional site. In one case, I had set up a profile on FF, stopped paying attention to it and bam! Two years later my husband is browsing that profile with his new screen name based on his present computer brand. (I didn’t catch it at first because I didn’t keep up on the new members and notifications and only looked at the list view and didn’t check stats.)

What profile name will he use? Check my next post.

Monday, June 13, 2011

My husband has an online dating profile.


First a quick mention of my relationship with my husband. He was completely unlike any man I have ever been involved with, he’s very manly, assertive and a bit...okay a lot dangerous., Other men have great respect and fear of him, yet he’s funny, smart, attractive and I felt with him that feeling I had totally given up on ever feeling, that I had decided was a thing of fiction AND I completely trusted him.
Even after five years he still made me weak in the knees. If any of you have ever read any of Janet Evanivich’ books, he’s a mix of Morelli and Ranger without the sensitive understanding traits.

I’ve been trying to remember when I first thought something was wrong, he was working out of town (which he did sometimes for long stretches, and yes I knew it was legitamate), and I received in the mail the statement for a pre-paid credit card he has (and had long before I met him), there was a charge on  there for Adult Friend Finder. Because I couldn’t call him right then, I called the number on the charge and they confirmed that the account was opened in his email account. Okay, I’m going to put in (fictionalized of course) email accounts, because the information does become key as we go along.
The email was jsmith6606 (the numbers referring to the year and month he was born).

I was totally blown away, I was upset, crying and felt betrayed.
Before I was able to talk to him, I went to his email account for which I had the password, though I never went in to it. Of course the password had been changed. SO I went to Adult Friend Finder and opened an account….as I was to find out, most sites allow women to join for free and we have access to many more features than the male account holders.
Anyway, at this point I don’t recall if I searched the male profiles in the state I live in or the state he was working in…now I would know exactly what to do, but at that time and as upset and thrown off  balance by the situation I don’t think I was very affective in my search.
When I finally got in touch with him he told me one of the guys who was on the job with him didn’t have a credit card and wanted to open an account.
Without going into details…..with the work he did and the type of men he worked with this is entirely believable. And at the time because I didn’t find any profiles that fit his physical description I chose to believe him and a few days later when I went to AFF and did an account password recovery it said no account for that email.
It used to work like this…you went to their login page, forgot password and entered the email the account was opened under, if there was no account for that email that was the response, otherwise it said “password sent to jsmith6606.” Since then things have changed for most of these sites.

As I go along I will follow the progression of my relationship and suspicions and will also give you a lot of information on these online sites and if you are single and have a good reason to put your profile on one of them, maybe my experiences will help you pick the one best suited for you.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Prologue to A Blog

Basically this blog is the dark side of my marriage where I suspect my husband has periodically been “up to something” but haven’t been able to pin it down,  Has he cheated, has he just toyed with the idea? I’ll talk about what has happened and what I have done with my suspcsions. Maybe some of you out there will relate. Maybe in all this I will give some of you information from my experience that will help you in yours. I have learned how to get on and search the online dating sites,  the ones with the easiest to navigate search options and the best way I have found to search.  I will tell you about the types of men I have come across on these sites and how the profiles seem to run. No, I haven’t connected with any of them because I’m only looking for one man on them, my  husband.
Some of you are gong to want to smack me on top of my head and say “Wake up!” because some of this will seem so obvious to you. And I say, it’s always easier being on the outside looking in, when you’re in the situation it’s entirely different.

I’ve gone back and forth about doing this blog but in the end thought it might help me organize my thoughts. When things seem okay or even good I wonder if I was imagining things or maybe there was some explanation, but of coarse there isn’t. I’m bound up by circumstances and a lack of “in your face” proof. It reminds me of a story.
About twenty years ago or more, I lived in an older home in a mid western state…it was getting cold outside. I had a large orange cat. I walked into the old style farmhouse kitchen, he was lying on the kitchen floor and as I watched, a small mouse ran from behind the back door to the back of the refrigerator. I stood their with my mouth open as my cat glanced over his shoulder with a stupefied expression like “Huh, did I miss something?”  I think of that cat often because that’s how I have felt about this, like I just missed it, more of a feeling than a fact, until recently.
           
But I have found some proof, not on infidelity but of online profiles. I will share more on Monday.


Jane


Thursday, June 9, 2011

Is Your Husband Cheating on You?

There are numerous ways for a man to cheat online.
I am starting this blog to explore the various ways a man can cheat. Of course all this applies to women too, but I am sticking to my point of view. The reason for that, I will explain in my next post.
Yes, I have had experience with this, though I'm not going to write about how I survived infidelity, or why a man may cheat. No, instead I'm going to chronicle past and ongoing efforts to catch a cheating husband, the numerous online dating sites and how to use the same tools he is using to 'browse around' for a date to find your proof.
At the very least this information will be entertaining...believe me...if it weren't so sad it would be funny, but hopefully I will help someone else.
I plan on posting Monday, Wednesday and Friday of each week. So check back tomorrow for my first post.
Yes, I want feedback and comments.

Until tomorrow,

Jane