Some of you may know the feeling you got when you found your spouses other cell phone or email. That sinking energy draining feeling of falling.
I had forgotten that feeling, I had become complacent because I have to admit that I would miss my husband terribly if he were gone.
But it all came crushing down on my the other day. He asked me to do something for him on his computer....even gave me the sign in and password to a new email he had to make for a particular site (a non dating site). Before I sat down to do it for him I had an errand to run. The feeling that sank into my gut as I was running the errand drained me. I had forgotten how horrible I had felt the first time I found the dating email in his "other" email. The email he had for 6 months before I found out about it.
I have been living in a delusion. He's been so good lately. To my surprise he had given up a weekly opportunity that gave him a chance to be online privately. The time he had been using to check his dating profiles, or make new ones. He had bought me gifts I had really been wanting. He hadn't bought me gifts in years.
Sure, I had fallen in to the luke warm, brain numbing waters of denial. I had fallen willingly.
But those awful feelings I had while running that errand. Later I found out that the new email really was new...only hours old. But of course that doesn't change anything.
Where do I go with this? I don't know.
Until next time,
Jane
Oh my! I've been reading your blog and your living my life! I'm 47 been married to my husband for almost 30 years! I've found out he's been on find cheaters.com in oct of 2012. I'm living a nightmare! Doing all the same things you've been doing! I'm going nuts! Maybe we could help each other out in some way? 2 heads are better then 1? I don't know! My name is Bonnie I live in Mn and my husband travels for work. I'm just so sad!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are in this situation too. The worst part of it all is that over a period of time the men in our lives, through their disrespect and actions drain the life out of us. Add in getting older and I know I wonder what is the use in being a woman.
ReplyDeleteJust remind yourself....and mean it...that the situation you are in is temporary because it is unacceptable. Make a plan and it may take awhile to execute but work on it. Even for now, if you can't leave make within your home a space and life that you enjoy. I know that sounds hard but it is possible.
Enjoy the time he is out of town.
Feel free to send me an email at doe.annonymousblogger.jane@gmail.com
That's 3 of us!
ReplyDeleteI just now saw your reply Jane! I just read you most recent blog entry! Yeah now they can cheat for as little as 3.00! Wow! Bonnie
ReplyDeleteSmarty...you didn't think I wold publish this?
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I had sex several times a day. We watched pornography together, I wore lingerie and gave him all the blow jobs he wanted.
BTW, it was always about how and when he wanted it...THAT street never went both ways.
I didn't pull back from him until I found out he was being a jerk.
You are right that sometimes it may be about one person withholding sex, but most times someone cheats because they can't control themselves or have no loyalty.