Saturday, December 29, 2012

Is He Cheating Using Mobile Device or Computer

Wonder if your spouse or boyfriend is using his cell phone to cheat? Have you already found one or some of his online dating profiles?

On some of the sites...next to the username there is a small graphic of a computer screen or cell phone. That tells you if your cheater is using his computer or has added the sites mobile option.

So far, my husband has little computers next to his cheater names. Now that he has a smart phone will those change?

Until next time

 Jane

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Cheating on the Go

There's a site Singlesaroundme that boasts an app for you cell phone that allows you to see on a map anyone from the same dating site that may be in the vicinity.

I haven't made a profile for this site as I don't use internet on my phone and wouldn't want that on my phone anyway.

Funny though, my husband Mr. "I only want to make phone calls on my cell" has transformed into Mr. "I want a smart phone." Hmmm. I can put him off for awhile but eventually he'll get one unless of course he has already bought a prepaid one. It wouldn't surprise me.

Just another way for creepy people to be just that, creepy spouses.

Until next time,

Jane

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Best Advice About A Cheating Spouse

The other morning I was thinking about all the cat and mouse hide and seek I have been doing across the internet with or about my husband over the past two years.

If I could do it all over again from the first email I found that said he had matches on friendfinder knowing what I know now, this is what I would have done. And here is my best advice if you find evidence of a cheating spouse.

In my case, an email leading directly to an online dating profile.....no doubt it was my husbands. If I had know then what the best move was by this point it would all be done one way or the other.

This is what I should have done. Instead of confronting him and listening to him lie and deny, I should have forwarded the email to my email account (as I did, so that I could easily log in using the link in the email) but instead of asking him about it I should have kept my mouth shut and watched to see what he did. Chances are he would have communicated with somebody and arranged a meeting, Then there would be no questions or wondering. It would be done.

Until next time,

Jane

Monday, September 24, 2012

Adult Friend Finder Update

In my previous posts about AFF and their similar alias sites such as Adult XXX Date I had mentioned that the search was annoying because it only brought up profiles from the actual zip code you searched for, but for awhile now.....maybe they read my blog!!!....they  have updated their search options.

Now you can search within a zip code, your registered location or any location  and have the option for as little as 5 miles from that location up to  within several 10,000 miles.

Until next time,

Jane

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I'd Recognize You Anywhere!!


So you have been searching online dating sites to see if your husband (yes, it could be your wife) has a  profile. One of three  things will show up if they do. A profile with no picture, in which you have to deduce it it could be them, a BINGO...profile with their photo. Hopefully they are not one of the extra tacky ones (because lets face it, if they are attached and on here to begin with they are already, by nature, tacky at best). And lastly the genital shot.

So here is my question. Could you identify your boyfriend/husband by their penis alone? Think about it.  Of course there are a few tips I can give you. Look at the background. Do you recognize the thread on your couch, or the light fixture above them. Sometimes they have their computer screen in the background or simply the top half of a door frame. Take a look, you can deduce quite a bit from a few small details (I'll refrain from the obvious zinger here).

Until next time,


Jane

Monday, September 10, 2012

The Long and the Short of it

I found a whole new dating niche the other say. Well new and news to me. Tall dating. Tall people wanting to date other tall people and of course short people wanting to date tall people. I can understand short women with tall men and tall women with shorter men who don't mind but to purposely seek out a short man...I don't know. And of course I know that there are short men who want taller women and I don't want to think about that too much.

Anyway, there are several sites geared towards 'tall dating' out there. One is datetallpeople.com I found it in a google search. The sign up was pretty much standard as I have mentioned before.
I set up a profile both as a man and as a woman. Once you are successfully logged in a screen comes up asking for payment...don't be scared, just click on your profile or search and it goes away. Sort of a strong arm scare you into paying tactic.

Everything else is standard. You receive emails some with pictures some without telling you that someone is interested in you.

There are other niche dating sites I will eventually review.

Until next time,

Jane

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Time to Come Clean


I had a moment today when I asked myself..."Did my husband really over explain why he was going to take a shower before going to work today?"  Really. I have never heard him give me reasons for showering. Red flag anyone?

Funny too, because the past few weeks he has been very nostalgic about when we first got together and how pretty I look in pictures and so on. And I have to admit that I did sit back and become a bit complacent......wouldn't it be so easy if he gave up his old ways and I could settle back down with the man I thought I had fallen in love with, but every so often the truth would bubble up to the surface and eventually and I had to remind myself of the facts. Multiple online dating profiles from before he met me and after. Those after he met me spanning over several years, the last few AFTER I told him it was unacceptable to me.

All I can do is enjoy what ever decent time we have together, not forget the truth and keep preparing. So that's where it stands today.

Until next time,

Jane

Friday, August 31, 2012

Lost in MS City, Utah

And why are all the men on certain dating sites from there? I've mentioned the Benaughty Upforit, Shagaholic, Plentyofmature, Sugarbbw websites and there are many more sister sites. But one thing I haven't covered is this, for some reason if you sign up for one of their dating sites, the default location seems to be MS City, Utah. That's where you will be located if you aren't paying attention.

The problem is for every site my husband has one or two versions of his original profile, he also has a MS City, Utah version too. It's gets a bit complicated because if you do a search for your spouse using MS City, there are a disproportionate amount of profiles for that area. There are approx 120,000  of both men and women in Ms City. I get fewer hits in a search for my husband in a much larger metropolitan area than I do in Utah because so many profiles are lost here.

I see profiles in my regular search and I also see many of the same people or some permutation there of in the MS City searches I do.

Until next time,

Jane

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Who's the Chump Now?

I happened across an interesting blog written by a woman who was cheated on, got out of the marriage and survived.

One of the things she mentions is that the cheater marries because he needs something from "us"....I'll let you read the post

WHY DO CHEATERS GET MARRIED?

But what struck me in particular was the mention of the financial trap.

When I met my husband I didn't have a lot going for me as far as earning potential, but I had my own home, no other debt and a great credit rating.
Today, I have rotten credit, my home isn't paid off (as he promised to do but when he had the money for that instead he helped his family and bought sports cars) and I have enormous credit card debt.

I know I'm trapped and I used to think he just put his family before me, but today it gelled in my mind.....he only puts himself first and helping out his family was as much about keeping me in debt as anything else.

But since last year I've had a timeline, a plan for what steps I need to take in order to be independent.
Even if I don't leave right away I need to know I can.


Until next time,

Jane

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Dating Profile Anonymous Picture

I mentioned last time about becoming familiar with the different website anonymous user  avatar or grayman. So I thought about it and thought I may be able to help. Over several posts I will show you some of the anonymous user profile pictures for some of the websites I've already mentioned.

For today here are a few:
These first two are the female and male profile pictures from friendfinder (if the user doesn't upload a picture of corse.)



These next two are from zoosk...I don't know why the male has a couple in the picture.




Last ones for today....these are from an email from BBpeoplemeet again, I don't know why they represent male profiles with 3 different one.


Hope this helps.


Jane



Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Where is My Husband On Line?

I've mentioned before that if you have set up your own profiles on dating sites to be sure and check the emails they send to you in order not to miss one that may have your spouses profile featured in it.

Another reason to check these emails is this:  Each dating/personals site have their own graphics...the little picture of a heart, intertwined hearts, or other logo. They also have certain colors associated with their site and the set up of the profile pictures they send in the email are done a certain way. Some sites send a list style with fairly large profile pictures. Other send a grid. Some have thick blue lines between each profile...etc. You get the idea. Lastely, on each site, the "grayman" for those who don't upload a profile picture is distinctive. Some look like the generic hotmail man...or myspace man (of course the myspace has multiple men). Some are a gray shadow and so on.

One reason it is important to become familiar or pay attention to these differences is sometimes you can catch a glimpse of your spouses computer screen and if they are like my husband who is so smug that he thinks he's getting away with something they will look at their emails...or even possibly the site itself, while you are in the same room. So you catch a glimpse of an email he's looking at with rows of pictures....hmmmm, that's not facebook. Could me match or several others.

Right now my husband doesn't appear to be visiting the sites he had been for the past year, so I'm not stupid enough to think he has changed his ways, instead I need a clue as to what he is doing.

Yesterday he was looking at an email that sent rows of pictures, so as I was checking email this morning I was paying attention.

I also saw him signing up for a site and all I could see was a cartoon palm tree and it said "it's easy" and the grayman   looked like the msn man but two of them in bright yellow. Still haven't figured that one out.

Until next time....pay attention.

Jane


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

What's Your Fetish

Sometimes you need to search for dating sites that cater to someone's particular desires. I've already spoken about adultfriendfinder and their sister site alt.com  for assorted fetishes. But then there are things such as large breasts or small breasts. There are some sites that supposedly feature women with those particular qualities. Also on the adultfriendfinder sites and a few others, if you are a paying member you can add physical attributes such as bust size to your search criteria.

Is you spouse attracted to heavy or obese people, there are sites for that too.

This post is going to be about tall people. My husband is short and has a thing about tall women.....color me surprised. So I figured I better hang around a few tall people sites too.
One is datetallpeoeple.com. Sign up is typical...they send you the same type of notifications It is more G rated. Search is pretty easy and a lot of the profiles have pictures.
Here's the thing I just found out. I have a profile on here, stating that I am a tall women.....I have been contacted so far by tall men.

As I was looking at my home page, just this moment  I saw some links......one leads to a dat widowers dating site (amazing) and the other is datetallwomen. I suppose I better sign up there too.

Never ending, maybe there is an end in sight soon for me.

Until then

Jane

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Not Enough Options

I wish I had more information on how to find a cheating spouse on craigslist, or friendfinder, but all I have is what I have shared so far......unless you have access to someone's email it takes a lot of online time, sorting and weeding out in order to get lucky enough to find out anything definite.

The extra Hotmail email my husband was using for all the online dating sites, over the last few weeks he has stopped getting much if any activity there. I've wondered if he has opened another alternate email address. It wouldn't surprise me since he has a habit of leaving additional email accounts all over the net. And some of the search engines I have mentioned, Pipl. Spokeo, zabasearch to name a few can't give me info on an person's email, if they don't put their real name on it when they register.

But the one thing I have learned is to wait and keep quiet. Eventually he will slip, or something else wil tip me off.

Until that happens,

Jane

Thursday, June 21, 2012

User Name Look Up True Dater

There is a site I have run across several time  http://truedater.com/   TrueDater. Search for daters by username.  Pretty simple, you type in a username and if they are in their database a list of the sites, social and some dating sites shows up with a little of their info. At the bottom is a list of other screen names they are known to use.

Though the only way this will work well is if the info has been put in their. This relies on people feeding the site the info.

It's a place for some of you to start placing info you know is accurate. Or searching as well. Of course if a married person has a user name but never was found out for being a cheater they wouldn't be in the database.

And if the person cheated with may not care enough to complain.

I need to think about this more, there must be a way for people to put their spouses info out there and see if anyone else has more information.

Until next time,

Jane

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Follow Up

He came home from work and acted as if nothing had happened. Can you imagine being accused of having online dating profiles and not responding. He has done this before, acted as if I never said anything.

That's why the articles that say talk to your spouse, confront them are only good for people with normal relationships. If you are in a relationship with a liar and/or cheater they pretty much act like psychopaths.

Until next time


Jane

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Really, it's Not You, it's Me

How often have we heard (or used) that lame excuse to get out of a relationship. We all know it's a lie...okay, there may be a few instances where it is true.

Just the other week my husband was explaining to me a particular ploy that men use...it came up in regards to a woman in a relationship with a jerk. My husband told me that he's the type that stays with her to have a place to hang out and as long as it goes smoothly. Meanwhile he is looking for the next woman to get  with, maybe a better situation. I asked, why doesn't he just leave? He told me that "guys like that" will wait until the woman does something to make him mad so he can leave and say it was her fault.

Yesterday, we had an incident....a situation, a family situation. Nothing so awful really...no one else there thought it was worth calling it quits over or even really getting mad about. But I got mad (I didn't yell or scream) but I spoke up saying that he didn't need to act like an ass, he could have dealt with the situation better. So since yesterday afternoon  he has barely spoken to me and left for work today angry saying that what I had done was a deal breaker.

Of course, I got mad again and said if that was worth leaving over he was crazy, that if he thought that was bad how about multiple online dating profiles like he had?

So, I fully expect him to come home today and say that's it, we're over.  Just like the guy in his example, he has waited for me to do something so he can leave and say it was me.

Until next time,

Jane

Friday, June 8, 2012

Time Travel on the Internet

I admit I spend a certain amount of time retro searching for my husband's online profiles. As I stated at the start of this blog, finding a list of email address was the start of discovering his tendency towards cheating online. Then using those old email addresses to collect info on old dating profiles. As a result, I find myself searching or retro searching for old profiles in order to glean information or tendencies from them.

Considering that in the four years alone, before my husband met me he probably worked in 40 to 50 different places. Some places he was only there for a few weeks, others for months.

One way I do this is to use a profile I have created, say on adult friend finder, and do a search in one of those cities that I know he stayed in for several weeks or more. So far this hasn't turned up anything I hadn't already known.

Until next time,

Jane

Monday, May 14, 2012

Cheating Husband Finder

If only there was a search engine or data base that made finding online profiles from dating sites possible.
Apparently, several years ago there was one but I don't know if it actually worked. I suspect dating sites guard their privacy.

Though if I haven't already mention it and if I have, it's worth mentioning again, sometimes you can google a persons profile name or screen name. I happen  to know one of my husbands dating profile names and it does come up in a google search. Even a srceen name, or the first part of an email address....minus the @ and everything after that is worth a try.

Spokeo.com has a limited free search but you can search a persons email and see if they have several profiles. The free version only shows you a row of profile icons or pictures but no information, though sometimes you can figure these things out.

I don't know that a private detective could find out anyone either, but I don't know.

Just a few thoughts.

Until next time,

Jane

Sunday, May 13, 2012

One Hotmail, Two Hotmail Three Hotmail More??

The hotmail account my husband has been using for the last 2 years is the one where I have found all the account details for his Up For It (and all their related sites) account info, the friendfinder info (which is what started all of this) and account info for XXXmatch.

Now all of a sudden there are no emails coming in  for any of those accounts. So the last few days I logged into several of them and checked the account settings. He did not unsubscribe or cancel the accounts but he did uncheck all the email notification choices. There has been no activity (on his part) so what does this mean?

Has he changed his ways? Not likely.
Bored with those sites where he can't really make any contact? Possibly
Met someone outside of his computer life?  Maybe
Opened a new Hotmail account? Quite possibly.
Felt a little guilty with Mother's Day on the horizon?  Unlikely, but maybe.


So I'm left with wondering if he has a new alternate email address or is logging in from his regular email and has opened accounts on new sites.

So once again I am back to square one am opening accounts on new sites and continuing to monitor the old ones.

Too bad I can't feel that maybe he has had a change of heart. But I know from before that even if he has, he will eventually go back to his trolling ways.

Until next time,

Jane



Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Finding on Adult Friend Finder

In my original post about AFF or adultfriendfinder, I mentioned that in the search options you were limited to the zip code your chose. Now, in all fairness I must update that to say that the site (and all their sister sites) have updated their search options.

Now you can chose to search within in several choices of miles from, your registered location or any zip code you like.

This makes it much easier to search an area with out having to plug in multiple zip codes, each one being a separate search.

Until next time,

Jane


Sunday, April 29, 2012

How to Find Your Husband on Craigslist

When I check the stats for this blog I can see the search words or phrases used and since so many of them are asking the question of how to find their spouse (mostly 'husband') on a particular site I want to reiterate the reason for this blog.

Though many of my posts are somewhat of a 'review' for the different sites I don't want anyone to get the idea I am advocating using them. If you  are single that is your business but note the warnings about scams, fake profiles and other pitfalls of these sites. Not that that is true of all of them.

But, back to what I am trying to say. My 'reviews' are to help other people figure out how to find spouses on these sites and also to realize how much their spouses may actually be able to do on some of them. There are some I have mentioned that all they can do is browse and not communicate unless they pay. Not that browsing is okay. It is not, to me that's as good as saying that they don't care about the relationship and it is only a matter of time before they stray.

The main idea is that the only way (if you don't have access to your spouses email) to find them on any one of these sites is to join yourself and conduct a search and continue to search in different ways and check the notifications the site sends to you.

So I'm sorry to say that you will need to immerse yourself in the world of unfaithful people in order to find anyone. You may decide that if you have to do that, it's not worth it and you may be right.

Until next time,

Jane

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Plenty of Matures at Plentyofmature.com

Kick me while I'm down already. This morning, I check my husbands hotmail. account and messages from yet another Upforit affiliate, plentyofmature.com. So I checked the deleted messages and did an undelete and sure enough there was the confirmation email from where he signed up to the site.
This time, instead of him searching anywhere or within 100 miles of our home he is searching 100 miles from a large city on the other side of our state. Is he planning on moving some time soon? Is he hoping to hook up with someone so he has a place to go to? I don't know and feel so trapped, hurt and angry.

Anyway this is the same as upforit and all their other sites.
I feel like sometime soon he is going to yank everything out from under me. He's waiting on a large sum of money. That seems to me to be the opportunity he is looking for to bolt. He may also get a job transfer and I can see him "going ahead without me." Of course if that happens I'm not going to fight it.

Oh well,
Until next time,

Jane

Friday, March 30, 2012

UpForIt Plus 1

Back to the UpForIt sites. In the beginning I thought I was being smart by using my husbands login to gain access to the sites and his profile because I found that if I didn't log out, even if I restarted my computer and went to the website I was still logged in. But then I realized that if I remained logged in as him and he logged in from one of his email notifications the site would create a second profile, sometimes with the same screen name but most of the time it used the same screen name and added an asterisk and a number. For instance  MyProfile2012  became MyProfile2012*1  or in a few cases several more numbers were added to the end...MyProfile20124256. Add to that if he has two profiles on one site with the same screen name but different log in emails, I can log in using the screen name or the email and still get different activity results for each. Sometimes I had the feeling that which profile came up was purely a roll of the dice.
And it wasn't just me (or rather him) whenever I did a 20 mile radius search I saw a lot of the same profiles but every so often I would see one with the little addition of *1. Then I wondered if that man's wife or girlfriend had done the same as I had and hacked into the profile or possibly the screen name owner stayed logged in on their personal computer and then logged in again at work maybe?   Hmmm, naughty naughty.

Still angry and siappointed,

Jane

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Where are Your Manners?

I received an email from Mate1 the other day and since I hadn't logged in in a while I did. I clicked on the members interested in me link and there was a list of about ten men running vertically down the page and what struck me as so odd was that the majority of them were wearing ball caps! Sure, I might talk to a man standing in line to pay gas or at the  grocery store that was wearing a ball cap and find him attractive but if every time I saw him his head was covered I would begin to wonder what was or wasn't under there and did he have any manners or would he clean up well for a date or social event.
Why would a man that knew he had one picture to try and catch a woman's attention and had possibly paid some money to do so would think that a small face picture of him wearing a ball cap was the very best picture and impression he could give?  Tthat doesn't say much, at least not to me as a woman.

More on Mate1 later.

Until then

Jane

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Zoosk Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down

Due to the odd commercials for Zoosk,  if I were looking for a dating site for just that....dating, I wouldn't have chosen Zoosk. But since there are so many commercials I figured it's possible to find my husband lurking about, so I signed up.

The format is very good, it is the easiest so far to quickly browse through profiles.  You pick your search parameters and it brings up the first person, most have pictures. There is a forward and back button in the upper right hand corner and you can keep your mouse right there and keep pressing the arrow. If you see a profile that interests you you click the "see date card" button and the page extends with more info and then you can go right back to browsing. For myself I can cover a lot of ground in a short time.

As far as communicating with someone else, I haven't had to try that yet.

So for now, Zoosk is easy to navigate and as easy to sign up for as any of the rest of them.

Until next time,

Jane

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Caught Red Handed

The other morning I found an email that apparently my husband thought he had deleted, a welcome message for yet another online dating site. I was bitterly disappointed. It's a terrible feeling to see that he has the profile and then to read it and he says he is divorced looking for long term relationship. Is he just waiting until he finds something better and then he will leave?
My first impulse was to upload a picture of a donkey's ass as his profile picture, but I didn't, but I'm not through yet.
I'm trying to remain calm, I'm still not quite positioned for a confrontation. Soon, I'm hoping by August but if something comes up before I need to be prepared as much as possible.

This time I am as depressed as I was when I found the first evidence back in September of 2010...what does that tell me.  I guess the whole relationship has been a lie and if you could see how he acts with me, you would never imagine he was window shopping other women.

Oh well, until next time,

Jane

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Are You Up For It?

I've been putting off revewing my experiences with these next sites...all part of one network...because there is so much to tell. I'm not even going to try and cover it in one post.

It started with my husband offhandedly telling me he had started a profile on a site just for fun to see what would happen. I know.....I'm really stupid. But here's the info.
The site was and still is UpForIt.com
It's a company out of the UK. My husband has a profile, no picture....his location, physical stats and is rated as having a profile that is 20% complete. He is a standard non paying member. In other words he can't do much without upgrading.

Anyway, between his profile which I managed to get the password to and the fake female profiles I have made I have found out a lot. All non paying profiles, though I have seen a lot of online posts/complaints about this site where both men and women have  given in  and paid for a membership and didn't have much luck and when they tried to cancel the company continued to take payments from their banks. Not very nice. A common complaint that I saw was that just before their memberships were set to expire, they would get a lot of promising emails and then once they paid those possible hook ups vanished like a lot of smoke.

Anyway. as a non paying member you can do zip code searches and look at the profile including the main picture, their stats and anything else they have written about themselves. Then there are ice breakers you can send....5 a day. Basically you have a choice of prewritten chat up lines. You can also wink, add to favorites or as a friend. All these things do is let the other person know you are interested.

After that, unless you pay it is impossible to make contact. As a woman I am able to send instant text chats....they pop up on the lower right corner of your screen. I am also able to respond to any man that sends me one. But as a man if you try to respond it sends you to the payment page.
If you try to send a message as a man you are sent to the payment page.

Interestingly enough, as a woman....I've tried this from two different female profiles...if you send a message (which you can) you can write whatever you want because when the man gets the message it says something completely different. It's quite bizarre...so  here you send a nice message asking for more details from the man and they get a message who's information line says "boobs" and they can't read the body of the message without upgrading and paying. Rip off!

The site is easy to find your way around.

There are also chat rooms free to all non paying profiles but I haven't spent much time in there. I have read some posts where people try to put their contact info. I'll have to pay more attention and see if it gets bleeped out or if the next day the profile is gone from the database.

Until next time.....when I will also tell you about the numerous other sites same format as UpForIt.

Jane

Friday, February 3, 2012

Matchnet Online Free Dating Search Engine

If you were to go to matchnet.com and put in the right key search word and the right age group your search result would only be 8 men, one of them being my husband...with his picture even. Of course it is from 8 years ago before we even met.
Matchnet.com is a database of profiles from Spark network sites...or at least from Spark.com formerly known as Americansingles.com. You don't even need to be logged in to see the results. Of course if you want to see the entire profile of anyone you need to log in.
If you are searching for your husband online it's worth spending a little time checking it out. Depending on how good you are at online searches it may take a little bit to find results.

Hmmm...just saw a commercial for Ourtime.com...think I'll check it out.

Until next time,

Jane

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Married and Still Looking

To continue with my Craigslist experiment of sorts....this afternoon I renewed or refreshed my posting, adding it back to the top of the list and received approx 30 responses already. A couple of things strike me about this. First of all I actually feel a bit bad for making some of these men  think there's a possibility of hooking up with someone, some of them seem so sincere.
Then there are the numerous men who contact me and openly admit that they are married but from the way their email is worded it sounds as if this is something they have done before. That  ring around their finger doesn't create any drag or friction at all. Amazing.
Then the last thing, and I may not be able to describe this very well, but as I read these emails it sorts of freaks me out that these are real people and if I were to contact them or go to Applebee's as one suggested...I would come face to face with person who is prepared to lube me up with a drink or something to eat and then rush me off to their hot tub or hotel room. Are hot tubs or tiki jacuzzis as one mentioned really a big deal or are they stuck in 1980's California.
Until next time,

Jane

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I Found My Husbands Profile Online Is It Cheating

The questions is this:
I found my husbands profile on craigslist, friendfinder, hornymatches, etc....  is it cheating?

Some may consider it actual cheating and I can see why they would....it is mentally cheating.
For myself I see it as the intent to cheat. Even if they are saying they are only curious, they are fooling themselves.....window shop enough and you will eventually want to buy.
As I said at the beginning of this blog, I don't know if my husband cheated on me already but the online profiles tell me that if he hasn't already and he keeps doing the same, yes he will eventually cheat.
And even if he doesn't, he isn't mentally committed to me...he finds me lacking, or boring or distasteful in some respect and I find that insulting. Basically, it tells me everything I need to know.
I write this blog in order to vent, maintain my sanity and maybe help someone else.

I can check the stats on this blog which tells me how many views, which posts were viewed and the referring sites. What makes me sad is all the queries I see that basically ask the above question. "I found my husbands profile on  (fill in the blank) is it cheating?
My last thought on this is that it probably isn't the first time he's done this whether it was with you or someone else.

Until next time,

Jane

Monday, January 30, 2012

I'm Not Your Typo

At least spell check or double check your profile description, nothing like bad grammer or a typo to turn someone off or make them think they can take advantage of you, because you're not too smart.
I know I have typos in my posts, but they are just that typos....I really think a lot of these are ignorance.

Here are a few examples.

"hi all im not sale at all" I'm not even sure where he was going with this one.

"I'm no angle, let's ride....."  This was in all caps too, so he was screaming his mistake.

"I'm looking for Intemacy 7 days aweek"

"i'm seeking a life partner .marriage is a real possibly..."

"I am curious to see if there are any real people on this sight."   And that's just a quick look, I could probably write a book and fill every page.

Until next time,

Jane

Thursday, January 26, 2012

I'm Looking at You Looking at Me

Still thinking about craigslist ads. The incoming messages subsided considerably, going from an impressive 80 the first 24 hours to a mere handful a day. One ad stuck in my head...he said that he had waited a few days to contact me in order to let all the spam emails come through so his wouldn't be lost in the crowd. Interesting.
Another plus to craigslist, in some ways, is that people can't see when you have read their ads or how many times you have read it. On all the sites I've been on, if you look a someone's profile they receive a message or are notified in some way that you did just that.
On the other hand, other than the emails I have no idea of how many times or who has looked at my ad.

Until later,

Jane

Monday, January 23, 2012

Craigslist Personals Have an Ad Vantage

I know I've mentioned craigslist personals briefly but for various reasons I decided to give them a try.
Here's what I have found out:

I didn't need to set up a craigslist account to post a personal ad....I just hit post, filled it out and followed directions.

I thought I may get a few responses....ha!! in less than 24 hours I had close to 80 responses. They come straight from the persons email  or iphone or android...it tells you in the message how the message was sent.

Men have sent pictures, both nude and not. A lot of the replies are actually nicer than the messages received on dating/sex sites and some people have even sent their phone numbers. One man invited me to meet him for dinner tonight.

This is both good and bad if you are looking for a real hook up.....you could be meeting a creep but the ease of communicating is amazing.

I went to my own ad (since I don't really want to communicate with anyone) and hit the reply button....you are asked to identify the squiggly words and then are given an email (a craigslist  anonymous email) address to reply to. Easy.

For myself I have deleted the ones that are obviously not my husband...thanks for the pictures, and flagging a few possibilities. My husband has been spending a lot of time on craigslist lately.....hmm.

Until later,

Jane

Sunday, January 15, 2012

What Part Didn't You Understand?

I found an article on line last night, it may be a blog, I'm not certain, but what was interesting in that it was a woman talking about finding out that her boyfriend has an online dating profile. What I found interesting and sad, was that she states the obvious (and it seems it was difficult for her to act on too) that the very existence of the profile is all you really need to know. It is an absolute statement about the relationship....as in what part didn't you understand. And as I have said, it's not the understanding part that seems to be so difficult, it is the comprehending that sucks. Something like the shock you may have upon finding a stranger in your home. Most people are stunned for a moment their brains trying to make sense out of a senseless situation.
I suppose if I approached this situation with the same "I better make a move or my life may depend on it" attitude I would take on finding an intruder I would be better off.
Yes, (I was counting last night) it's been a year and a half since I found out about my husbands friendfinder profile. That's all there is to know. By sticking around all I've done is become sadder and angrier. Of course I'm not in a financial position to leave and that's what I've been working on since it is the only thing I can do anything about.
So, here is the article that inspired this rant, it's worth reading.
Here is a quote from it that descriptions that moment (with the intruder) when our brains are trying to sort it all out.
"What did I really do, when I discovered my boyfriend had an active online dating account (VIP membership, checked within the past 24 hours). I listened to his ridiculous story about how he’d prepaid for a year. And had just coincidentally looked at it the day before because they kept sending him email. Out of curiosity."

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Passwords that are Memorable

I've mentioned before about using the same password if creating multiple profiles and am reminded today and one of the benefits to that system.
Some dating/sex sites send update emails daily or quite often. Others, specially if you don't log in often site don't. This morning I received an update email from a site I had forgotten I was registered on. The email itself didn't have a direct login link (which I prefer) but because I use the same password, I had no trouble logging in.

Until next time,

Jane

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Gone But Not Forgotten

I haven't been here for a while. It had nothing to do with the holidays but more frustration.  For the past several months I've had secret access to my husbands alternative email, the one from which all this started where I found his friendfinder profile info. An added bonus lately was that he had his primary email forwarded to this mailbox and I have had access to that too. Then out of the blue he stops the forwarding. Which to me could mean several things.
He suspected I had access, which I sort of doubt because he is so arrogant that he wouldn't even think I had a clue.
He has tired of the online cheating scene, which I also doubt.
Or, he has decided to drop the alternative email address as his point of contact and has opened yet another email account. This is what I think is happening.
Look back at my post about email address that are not officially closed but left open.
So I wonder if he is gearing up again and I'm back to having to check every single email notification from all the online dating/sex sites and check all the profiles that look at mine.

Basically, 2 steps forward and 10 back.

Jane