Three Strikes Your Out

Sure, I can keep asking him why he looks around on online dating sites and precipitate a fight, but I'd rather spend my energy on something else.

After all, I told him three times that sort of behavior was unacceptable and why would he do anything that may make me think he's being unfaithful, but he continues to do the same trashy things. So that must be his answer. I know he heard me, he even responded to the conversation and I know he's not unintelligent. Stupid maybe, but that's a different story.

It took awhile for the reality of his actions and what they mean to sift down into my core, and it's a sad sad feeling but it's the final truth of my marriage. It's time to go. Maybe I can't leave tomorrow or next month but I will .

until next time,

Jane

Keep My Family Out of This

I am amazed.
On the Cupid.com sites they often have little polls for the members to take, supposedly if you answer enough of them, they will give you more points on your account.

This past week I noticed the survey and it took me a few times for it to sink in, but the first question on the survey was this "Do you like your Mother-in-Law?"    WTF!!

Is the percentage of married members so high that it has become common, as in "try to make us believe this is normal"?

Until Next time,

Jane

, Wedding Ring Blues Blue Jeans That IS

I do understand that some jobs and/or situations require my husband to take his wedding band off, working on the car...even at his work. What I DON'T understand is this:

If I had to take my wedding ring off for work, as soon as I left I would put it on. I feel odd without my ring on, though I do take it off at night, but to leave my house without it on is weird.

So, on the off chance he forgets to put it back on, as he says....he's in a hurry to leave, then why does he put it IN HIS POCKET when he gets dressed in the morning.

He leaves very early and it is dark. Since I've been staying in bed until after he leaves he puts the damn thing in his pocket and walks out the door.

Of course for 2 years now he has been forgetting to put it on as he leaves work. He stops at Best Buy, Lowes, for gas etc and prances about without his ring on.

For a few months he drove his corvette to work, back and forth 50 miles each way, without his ring on and his arm hanging out his window. (It was a 79 with no A/C).

His truck was acting up, I offered to let him take my car. Of course not (we're still talking 50 miles each way) better to take the chance on his truck not making it then to be seen in my car. May not fit in with whatever story he's telling 'someone.'

Until next time,

Jane

What A Boob

Remember when I said my husband, Mr Low Tech, suddenly want a smart phone?

Well, I have used my new smart phone to keep up with my business, marketing and promotion. It's also a great mini GPS, phone book and well, I don't need to tell all of you the uses.

Out of curiosity I looked at my husbands browser and of course he always deleted the history but just by accident I found out that if he uses the voice search, that history is visible with the search app.

What did I found out? It it weren't so pathetic it would be funny.

My 50 something husband uses his smart phone to search for "big boob pictures". He calls me to see where I am, if I am not home and as soon as he hangs up he does his favorite search. Because he uses the voice search I have visions of him sitting on the couch speaking into his phone, carefully enunciating "big boob pictures."

I Love A Man in Uniform

On the UpForIt, BeNaughty, Shagaholic sites as you look at the search page there are ads for their other sites. The newest ad is "Do you want to date a man in uniform?" With pictures of young, fit handsome men in uniforms.  UniformDating.com

Myself, I've always had a weakness for a man in uniform, present husband included. And since my husband was/is and always will be, a Marine I figured I would check and see if he succumbed to his ego and joined that site.

Well, he hadn't but I had to laugh out loud.

Think about it, the 60 something, balding, paunchy man next door, probably served four years in the Army or Navy when he was 18. But unless he was a career military man or special ops, you probably wouldn't know it to look at him.  In other words, the profile list was the same as the other sites.

Possibly if you search through the 20 year olds you will find men in uniform that look like they belong in a uniform.

Revenge on Cheating Spouse

I saw this article/video this morning. In itself it is interesting and I think many of us understand how this man felt when finding his wife on a dating site.

But what was even more interesting to me were the comments about the article. A lot of men commenting on having been cheated on and how hurt and betrayed they felt.

On my blog here, I get a lot of women readers and seekers as shown to me by my blogger stats. The search words and phrases that land people on my blog are searches about cheating husbands...even though I have cheating spouses as tag words on my entries.

And we all know that women cheat too, though I am guilty of seeing all men as potential cheaters. So it was a needed reminder for me to read about men having the same hurt feelings and betrayal as I have felt.

Never Enough Sex

I just published and answered a comment on one of my other posts. The man stated that those of us with cheating husbands are prudes and don't have enough sex with them.

If you read my response to this rude person I explained that my husband and I for years had plenty of sex every days. Hours of sex. Sex while watching pornography, sex in vehicles, sexy lingerie, all the blow jobs he ever wanted.

It wasn't until I found out he was being a jerk that I pulled back from  his sexually and even then not completely. If he asks, he gets it.

But a long time ago I stopped asking because I realized we had lots of sex....lots of sex, when and where and how he wanted it. The pornography we watched was always what he wanted to watch and the oral sex only went one direction. And during all that I was never kissed, or had my neck kissed or any of those things that make a woman respond with desire.


Cheating may be about not enough sex sometimes and I'm sure that if you asked my husband now he would say he doesn't get enough, but he can't recall that his actions are what caused me to not want to accommodate his every sexual desire.

I've seen ads on craigslist by men saying their wife doesn't have sex with them anymore and they are looking for someone to have sex with. One man talked about kisses and massages and oral sex.

I wanted to respond to them and say why don't you put some of that effort into your spouse and see if she doesn't respond.

Nuff said,

Until next time,

Jane

Cheating on the Go

There's a site Singlesaroundme that boasts an app for you cell phone that allows you to see on a map anyone from the same dating site that may be in the vicinity.

I haven't made a profile for this site as I don't use internet on my phone and wouldn't want that on my phone anyway.

Funny though, my husband Mr. "I only want to make phone calls on my cell" has transformed into Mr. "I want a smart phone." Hmmm. I can put him off for awhile but eventually he'll get one unless of course he has already bought a prepaid one. It wouldn't surprise me.

Just another way for creepy people to be just that, creepy spouses.

Until next time,

Jane

Best Advice About A Cheating Spouse

The other morning I was thinking about all the cat and mouse hide and seek I have been doing across the internet with or about my husband over the past two years.

If I could do it all over again from the first email I found that said he had matches on friendfinder knowing what I know now, this is what I would have done. And here is my best advice if you find evidence of a cheating spouse.

In my case, an email leading directly to an online dating profile.....no doubt it was my husbands. If I had know then what the best move was by this point it would all be done one way or the other.

This is what I should have done. Instead of confronting him and listening to him lie and deny, I should have forwarded the email to my email account (as I did, so that I could easily log in using the link in the email) but instead of asking him about it I should have kept my mouth shut and watched to see what he did. Chances are he would have communicated with somebody and arranged a meeting, Then there would be no questions or wondering. It would be done.

Until next time,

Jane

The Long and the Short of it

I found a whole new dating niche the other say. Well new and news to me. Tall dating. Tall people wanting to date other tall people and of course short people wanting to date tall people. I can understand short women with tall men and tall women with shorter men who don't mind but to purposely seek out a short man...I don't know. And of course I know that there are short men who want taller women and I don't want to think about that too much.

Anyway, there are several sites geared towards 'tall dating' out there. One is datetallpeople.com I found it in a google search. The sign up was pretty much standard as I have mentioned before.
I set up a profile both as a man and as a woman. Once you are successfully logged in a screen comes up asking for payment...don't be scared, just click on your profile or search and it goes away. Sort of a strong arm scare you into paying tactic.

Everything else is standard. You receive emails some with pictures some without telling you that someone is interested in you.

There are other niche dating sites I will eventually review.

Until next time,

Jane

Time to Come Clean

I had a moment today when I asked myself..."Did my husband really over explain why he was going to take a shower before going to work today?"  Really. I have never heard him give me reasons for showering. Red flag anyone?

Funny too, because the past few weeks he has been very nostalgic about when we first got together and how pretty I look in pictures and so on. And I have to admit that I did sit back and become a bit complacent......wouldn't it be so easy if he gave up his old ways and I could settle back down with the man I thought I had fallen in love with, but every so often the truth would bubble up to the surface and eventually and I had to remind myself of the facts. Multiple online dating profiles from before he met me and after. Those after he met me spanning over several years, the last few AFTER I told him it was unacceptable to me.

All I can do is enjoy what ever decent time we have together, not forget the truth and keep preparing. So that's where it stands today.

Until next time,

Jane

Where is My Husband On Line?

I've mentioned before that if you have set up your own profiles on dating sites to be sure and check the emails they send to you in order not to miss one that may have your spouses profile featured in it.

Another reason to check these emails is this:  Each dating/personals site have their own graphics...the little picture of a heart, intertwined hearts, or other logo. They also have certain colors associated with their site and the set up of the profile pictures they send in the email are done a certain way. Some sites send a list style with fairly large profile pictures. Other send a grid. Some have thick blue lines between each profile...etc. You get the idea. Lastely, on each site, the "grayman" for those who don't upload a profile picture is distinctive. Some look like the generic hotmail man...or myspace man (of course the myspace has multiple men). Some are a gray shadow and so on.

One reason it is important to become familiar or pay attention to these differences is sometimes you can catch a glimpse of your spouses computer screen and if they are like my husband who is so smug that he thinks he's getting away with something they will look at their emails...or even possibly the site itself, while you are in the same room. So you catch a glimpse of an email he's looking at with rows of pictures....hmmmm, that's not facebook. Could me match or several others.

Right now my husband doesn't appear to be visiting the sites he had been for the past year, so I'm not stupid enough to think he has changed his ways, instead I need a clue as to what he is doing.

Yesterday he was looking at an email that sent rows of pictures, so as I was checking email this morning I was paying attention.

I also saw him signing up for a site and all I could see was a cartoon palm tree and it said "it's easy" and the grayman   looked like the msn man but two of them in bright yellow. Still haven't figured that one out.

Until next time....pay attention.

Jane

Finding on Adult Friend Finder

In my original post about AFF or adultfriendfinder, I mentioned that in the search options you were limited to the zip code your chose. Now, in all fairness I must update that to say that the site (and all their sister sites) have updated their search options.

Now you can chose to search within in several choices of miles from, your registered location or any zip code you like.

This makes it much easier to search an area with out having to plug in multiple zip codes, each one being a separate search.

Until next time,

Jane

How to Find Your Husband on Craigslist

When I check the stats for this blog I can see the search words or phrases used and since so many of them are asking the question of how to find their spouse (mostly 'husband') on a particular site I want to reiterate the reason for this blog.

Though many of my posts are somewhat of a 'review' for the different sites I don't want anyone to get the idea I am advocating using them. If you  are single that is your business but note the warnings about scams, fake profiles and other pitfalls of these sites. Not that that is true of all of them.

But, back to what I am trying to say. My 'reviews' are to help other people figure out how to find spouses on these sites and also to realize how much their spouses may actually be able to do on some of them. There are some I have mentioned that all they can do is browse and not communicate unless they pay. Not that browsing is okay. It is not, to me that's as good as saying that they don't care about the relationship and it is only a matter of time before they stray.

The main idea is that the only way (if you don't have access to your spouses email) to find them on any one of these sites is to join yourself and conduct a search and continue to search in different ways and check the notifications the site sends to you.

So I'm sorry to say that you will need to immerse yourself in the world of unfaithful people in order to find anyone. You may decide that if you have to do that, it's not worth it and you may be right.

Until next time,

Jane

Plenty of Matures at Plentyofmature.com

Kick me while I'm down already. This morning, I check my husbands hotmail. account and messages from yet another Upforit affiliate, plentyofmature.com. So I checked the deleted messages and did an undelete and sure enough there was the confirmation email from where he signed up to the site.
This time, instead of him searching anywhere or within 100 miles of our home he is searching 100 miles from a large city on the other side of our state. Is he planning on moving some time soon? Is he hoping to hook up with someone so he has a place to go to? I don't know and feel so trapped, hurt and angry.

Anyway this is the same as upforit and all their other sites.
I feel like sometime soon he is going to yank everything out from under me. He's waiting on a large sum of money. That seems to me to be the opportunity he is looking for to bolt. He may also get a job transfer and I can see him "going ahead without me." Of course if that happens I'm not going to fight it.

Oh well,
Until next time,

Jane

Where are Your Manners?

I received an email from Mate1 the other day and since I hadn't logged in in a while I did. I clicked on the members interested in me link and there was a list of about ten men running vertically down the page and what struck me as so odd was that the majority of them were wearing ball caps! Sure, I might talk to a man standing in line to pay gas or at the  grocery store that was wearing a ball cap and find him attractive but if every time I saw him his head was covered I would begin to wonder what was or wasn't under there and did he have any manners or would he clean up well for a date or social event.
Why would a man that knew he had one picture to try and catch a woman's attention and had possibly paid some money to do so would think that a small face picture of him wearing a ball cap was the very best picture and impression he could give?  Tthat doesn't say much, at least not to me as a woman.

More on Mate1 later.

Until then

Jane

Caught Red Handed

The other morning I found an email that apparently my husband thought he had deleted, a welcome message for yet another online dating site. I was bitterly disappointed. It's a terrible feeling to see that he has the profile and then to read it and he says he is divorced looking for long term relationship. Is he just waiting until he finds something better and then he will leave?
My first impulse was to upload a picture of a donkey's ass as his profile picture, but I didn't, but I'm not through yet.
I'm trying to remain calm, I'm still not quite positioned for a confrontation. Soon, I'm hoping by August but if something comes up before I need to be prepared as much as possible.

This time I am as depressed as I was when I found the first evidence back in September of 2010...what does that tell me.  I guess the whole relationship has been a lie and if you could see how he acts with me, you would never imagine he was window shopping other women.

Oh well, until next time,

Jane

UpForIt knows How to Be Naughty at Benaughty.com

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A Few More Words About UpForIt.com

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Are You Up For It?

I've been putting off revewing my experiences with these next sites...all part of one network...because there is so much to tell. I'm not even going to try and cover it in one post.

It started with my husband offhandedly telling me he had started a profile on a site just for fun to see what would happen. I know.....I'm really stupid. But here's the info.
The site was and still is UpForIt.com
It's a company out of the UK. My husband has a profile, no picture....his location, physical stats and is rated as having a profile that is 20% complete. He is a standard non paying member. In other words he can't do much without upgrading.

Anyway, between his profile which I managed to get the password to and the fake female profiles I have made I have found out a lot. All non paying profiles, though I have seen a lot of online posts/complaints about this site where both men and women have  given in  and paid for a membership and didn't have much luck and when they tried to cancel the company continued to take payments from their banks. Not very nice. A common complaint that I saw was that just before their memberships were set to expire, they would get a lot of promising emails and then once they paid those possible hook ups vanished like a lot of smoke.

Anyway. as a non paying member you can do zip code searches and look at the profile including the main picture, their stats and anything else they have written about themselves. Then there are ice breakers you can send....5 a day. Basically you have a choice of prewritten chat up lines. You can also wink, add to favorites or as a friend. All these things do is let the other person know you are interested.

After that, unless you pay it is impossible to make contact. As a woman I am able to send instant text chats....they pop up on the lower right corner of your screen. I am also able to respond to any man that sends me one. But as a man if you try to respond it sends you to the payment page.
If you try to send a message as a man you are sent to the payment page.

Interestingly enough, as a woman....I've tried this from two different female profiles...if you send a message (which you can) you can write whatever you want because when the man gets the message it says something completely different. It's quite bizarre...so  here you send a nice message asking for more details from the man and they get a message who's information line says "boobs" and they can't read the body of the message without upgrading and paying. Rip off!

The site is easy to find your way around.

There are also chat rooms free to all non paying profiles but I haven't spent much time in there. I have read some posts where people try to put their contact info. I'll have to pay more attention and see if it gets bleeped out or if the next day the profile is gone from the database.

Until next time.....when I will also tell you about the numerous other sites same format as UpForIt.

Jane