The other morning I was thinking about all the cat and mouse hide and seek I have been doing across the internet with or about my husband over the past two years.
If I could do it all over again from the first email I found that said he had matches on friendfinder knowing what I know now, this is what I would have done. And here is my best advice if you find evidence of a cheating spouse.
In my case, an email leading directly to an online dating profile.....no doubt it was my husbands. If I had know then what the best move was by this point it would all be done one way or the other.
This is what I should have done. Instead of confronting him and listening to him lie and deny, I should have forwarded the email to my email account (as I did, so that I could easily log in using the link in the email) but instead of asking him about it I should have kept my mouth shut and watched to see what he did. Chances are he would have communicated with somebody and arranged a meeting, Then there would be no questions or wondering. It would be done.
Until next time,
Jane
I'm quoting someone you made a comment
ReplyDelete"My husband does this on a regular basis, he stops he starts, i catch him out he stops.....wait a few months start again. I'm so fed up with it all his latest antic is a fetish site which i only found out about because he was too slow in deleting an email which contained a zip file of photos of some random woman he'd been chatting to online - gutted wasn't the word.....don't know what my next move is really i cannot trust him on his laptop at all....now i know why he stays up half the night and sleeps on the sofa! sad bugger....its really hurtful but he just says 'its not real' - is to me :/ seriously thinking of installing a keylogger on his laptop & blocking certain websites to slow him down a bit....he's on his last chance now i've told him to choose internet chatrooms or marriage - time willl tell"
Here is something someone commented on but I didn't want her name published.
ReplyDelete"Hi...yep i'm kinda in the same situation, 3 kids and not financially able to walk. Makes you feel like a prisoner doesn't it. At my lowest I considered suicide as a means of escape but couldn't do that to my children. 5 years on though I am stronger and know I no longer actually 'need' him in my life emotionally in fact i think he's a bit of a twat really lol but the lies really get to me, its just so disrespectful. I have had a little success this week installing a key logger on his laptop and in under 24 hours i have a password which can get me into at least 2 websites and through this I have found another email with the same password. So now both his emails have had their pop settings changed to forward [and store] emails to my email ..... as the saying goes give him enough rope.."
I'm glad you are stronger and don't take it personally, because he would do it to anyone, that's his way of behaving.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. Check and see what your options are if you have proof of him cheating. It may provide the financial ability for you and your children to leave.
He's a terrible role model for your children.
Thanks for sharing.
I'm in the same boat as u! However, he guards his laptop like its gold! I did forward his AFF emials to my email. I also made my own profile! But I just realized something yesterday. When I log into my AFF, and search for his, several profiles show up. And even though I do NOT click on his profile, it shows in his acct that I looked at him. Any clue why it does this and how I can get around that?
ReplyDeleteMy husband guards his laptop too. He even puts it to sleep if he leaves the room for a minute!!
ReplyDeleteYou didn't say how you search for his profile....by screen name or in a general search.
If you search for his by name it will show on his profile.
If shouldn't show up for him, if you search for ex: for men from age 40 to 40 (whatever his age is) within a certain zipcode.....then you can see a list.
Also look at his profile and hotlist it. Then when you log in go up to the right hand corner to your account and find your hotlist. Then you can see when he logged in last without actually looking at his profile.
Hope that helps.
You may also consider opening one or two more email accounts and an AFF profile for each, he will think he is very popular!!
Print out his profile showing the join date if you want evidence.
Be sure and read my latest post, it applies to AFF.
Good Luck
Hi Jane,
ReplyDeleteI was doing a general search within 20 miles, but I figured out how to get around it. You can go into your settings and set it up for private viewing of profiles. I haven't verified it, but its not supposed to show up in their notifications.
I've already printed out his profile with join date with both is last profile and the present one. He quit using his last one because I confronted him (long story). I now know better! In my opinion, "intent" alone is enough proof of adultery, but I'm not so sure it would be in a court of law. I also have other things from the last 3 years printed and kept in a safe place.
I can so relate to what goes through your mind, and what your doing and not doing. It's like being on a roller coaster! My husband is a master manipulator and so here I sit, miserable a lot of the time. And still not in a position to do anything about it, emotionally or financially!
I'm going to try the private viewing!!
DeleteThe whole confronting issue or not, I don't know if you read this post of mine.
It talks about suspicion making the cheater even sneakier.
Looks like there are a lot of us in the same miserable boat.
I just don't intend to spend the next twenty years hoping it will change.
Thanks for sharing your story with me.
Jane
By the way, for some reason, I'm unable to comment from my I-pad. Any clue why or how to do it?
ReplyDeleteNot sure what the Ipad problem is.
ReplyDelete