What to Say to My Cheating Husband

Last post I was angry, seeing red angry.
Today I am sad.
Most mornings I wake up sad. Sad settles in before I have a chance to fortify myself against it.
When I wake up it is very early so there aren't any outside distractions to chase sad away.
Nope, every morning I wake up and wade through an emotional soup of angry, sad, lost, hurt, frustrated and at some point I settle on one of them and have a minor melt down. Then I stand on top of all my feelings and jam them back into the place they hide all day.
And it all comes back to my husband. I was rereading a ChumpLady post this morning about what to say to your cheater. And she reminded me that there is no use in saying anything. They don't care!!!

I have been fighting the urge to say something to him. I hate keeping my mouth shut when I know he is online. Wouldn't it be funny to send little pop up chat messages to him from about 5 different profiles on the site saying things like "cheater cheater", "Hi 'his name'",   "say hi to your wife for me", "hey jerkface" and so on.

Or tell him I know you are still doing this. But he doesn't care. If he did, he wouldn't have done it the first time and certainly wouldn't have continued to do it after I told him it was unacceptable. So there you have it.

I'm in the same stuck spot I was when I started this post.

Lesson learned?  The first time I should have told him to leave. That's it. No please don't do that, don't do it again. Nope, time to go, he knew from the beginning that that sort of behavior was a deal breaker.

until next time,

Jane

Return to Sender.....Email Address Unknown

Today I was done.
Every evening my husband logs into, from emails that are sent to him,  1 or more of 7 dating sites he has profiles on, all that come to his main email account.

I've mentioned before how he thinks he is so sneaky doing it while I am in the same room. Of course I can log in the next morning and see exactly what he was doing. Each morning I am furious. So this morning, once my heart rate slowed down, I decided there was only one way to keep him from doing it. For these particular ones anyway.

I logged in to Benaughty, Cupid, Wildbuddies, Cheekylovers, Girlsdateforfree, Flirt and ClickandFlirt and  "updated" his email. I changed it to one of his old email addresses. Of course I logged in to that account and confirmed the changes. So even if he squirreled away any old emails if he tries to log in from the embedded link or typing in his email address and password, he won't be able to get in.

I hope I am home when he tries to log in.

Chuckle,

Jane

Men Outnumber Woman on Dating Sites

A man mentioned to me (on another blog site) that there are forums where cheating men go to discuss the online dating sites. He said they all complain about the disproportionate amount of men on these sites compared to women. 10 to 1 he told me.

As I thought about that at first I was annoyed that these men gather to discuss their online dating options....of course I've already written about the site that gives tips on how to cheat and not get caught.
Then the more I thought about it I think it's funny.

I have noticed on the sites I've created profiles in order to 'contact' my husband on them that as a woman I get tons of photo requests, chat requests and messages. But when I log into my husbands account  most of the activity is on his part...viewing their profiles. There are some views to him but often times a third to a half of those views are ME!! (I have several different profiles on each site) Plus I know from what I have read on the internet that there are many fake profiles put there by other people and the site itself.

The other day, as a last ditch effort to give him a clue, since closing his accounts don't seem to make an impact, I changed his sex from male to female. He doesn't seem to be logging in to them anymore. I suppose all the emails he is receiving for photo and chat requests from men are annoying him. Never have his profiles seem so much activity.

So as disgusting as he and men like him are, on some weird level, the joke is on them.

Until next time,

Jane

Just the Ticket

Look out, I have officially shifted in to anger mode.

There is a venue coming to town next month I would love to see. Not something I normally do in fact.

My husband tells me last night that he tried on his phone (not a very good phone) to look up on how to buy tickets for this venue, but couldn't figure it out. He tells me we may as well go and why don't I figure out how to buy the tickets and of course I agreed.

Then this morning after thinking about it I have decided that as much as I want to go I am NOT doing the leg work here. If he asks I'll tell him, "You can figure out how to set up extra email accounts, how to sign up for dating sites and how to apply for and get credit cards without telling me. So if it were important for you to do this one thing for me I'm certain you can figure it out."

Until next time,

Jane

Three Strikes Your Out

Sure, I can keep asking him why he looks around on online dating sites and precipitate a fight, but I'd rather spend my energy on something else.

After all, I told him three times that sort of behavior was unacceptable and why would he do anything that may make me think he's being unfaithful, but he continues to do the same trashy things. So that must be his answer. I know he heard me, he even responded to the conversation and I know he's not unintelligent. Stupid maybe, but that's a different story.

It took awhile for the reality of his actions and what they mean to sift down into my core, and it's a sad sad feeling but it's the final truth of my marriage. It's time to go. Maybe I can't leave tomorrow or next month but I will .

until next time,

Jane

Keep My Family Out of This

I am amazed.
On the Cupid.com sites they often have little polls for the members to take, supposedly if you answer enough of them, they will give you more points on your account.

This past week I noticed the survey and it took me a few times for it to sink in, but the first question on the survey was this "Do you like your Mother-in-Law?"    WTF!!

Is the percentage of married members so high that it has become common, as in "try to make us believe this is normal"?

Until Next time,

Jane

You Have to Know When to Hold Them

Keep your cards close to your chest...isn't that what the gamblers say?

I know that there are people who scour the internet to see what is being said about their employers website, business etc.

In fact when I wrote about the poor search options on Adult Friend Finder I later found out they seriously improved them. Could one of the web scourers have found my blog post?

And in that  same vein, I have also bragged how I have been getting into my husbands other email by  signing in to a linked account. Well, guess which email service is doing away with linked accounts? Yep, me and my big blog mouth.

So, no more of that. Next thing  I know my husband will find one of my tips and maybe put 2 and 2 together.

Until next time,

Jane

, Wedding Ring Blues Blue Jeans That IS

I do understand that some jobs and/or situations require my husband to take his wedding band off, working on the car...even at his work. What I DON'T understand is this:

If I had to take my wedding ring off for work, as soon as I left I would put it on. I feel odd without my ring on, though I do take it off at night, but to leave my house without it on is weird.

So, on the off chance he forgets to put it back on, as he says....he's in a hurry to leave, then why does he put it IN HIS POCKET when he gets dressed in the morning.

He leaves very early and it is dark. Since I've been staying in bed until after he leaves he puts the damn thing in his pocket and walks out the door.

Of course for 2 years now he has been forgetting to put it on as he leaves work. He stops at Best Buy, Lowes, for gas etc and prances about without his ring on.

For a few months he drove his corvette to work, back and forth 50 miles each way, without his ring on and his arm hanging out his window. (It was a 79 with no A/C).

His truck was acting up, I offered to let him take my car. Of course not (we're still talking 50 miles each way) better to take the chance on his truck not making it then to be seen in my car. May not fit in with whatever story he's telling 'someone.'

Until next time,

Jane

What A Boob

Remember when I said my husband, Mr Low Tech, suddenly want a smart phone?

Well, I have used my new smart phone to keep up with my business, marketing and promotion. It's also a great mini GPS, phone book and well, I don't need to tell all of you the uses.

Out of curiosity I looked at my husbands browser and of course he always deleted the history but just by accident I found out that if he uses the voice search, that history is visible with the search app.

What did I found out? It it weren't so pathetic it would be funny.

My 50 something husband uses his smart phone to search for "big boob pictures". He calls me to see where I am, if I am not home and as soon as he hangs up he does his favorite search. Because he uses the voice search I have visions of him sitting on the couch speaking into his phone, carefully enunciating "big boob pictures."

Revenge on Cheating Spouse

I saw this article/video this morning. In itself it is interesting and I think many of us understand how this man felt when finding his wife on a dating site.

But what was even more interesting to me were the comments about the article. A lot of men commenting on having been cheated on and how hurt and betrayed they felt.

On my blog here, I get a lot of women readers and seekers as shown to me by my blogger stats. The search words and phrases that land people on my blog are searches about cheating husbands...even though I have cheating spouses as tag words on my entries.

And we all know that women cheat too, though I am guilty of seeing all men as potential cheaters. So it was a needed reminder for me to read about men having the same hurt feelings and betrayal as I have felt.

30 Days of Fun for One Low Price

Until recently to pay for access of Adult Friend Finder, or any of their other sites, which was the only way to be able to view someone's complete profile or interact with them,  was a decent chunk of change per month. But worth it if that's what you want.

But suppose you don't want that sort of recurring financial commitment?

Now you can pay $2.95 in order to see one members profile and have access to seeing it for 30 days.

It's called a "single profile view"

I was trying to see how the charge would be labeled, but can't find that information at this time.

I do have that information for some of the other sites, good to know. After all, who would be suspicious of a $3 charge on their husbands credit card or bank account?

Until next time,

Jane

Is He Cheating Using Mobile Device or Computer

Wonder if your spouse or boyfriend is using his cell phone to cheat? Have you already found one or some of his online dating profiles?

On some of the sites...next to the username there is a small graphic of a computer screen or cell phone. That tells you if your cheater is using his computer or has added the sites mobile option.

So far, my husband has little computers next to his cheater names. Now that he has a smart phone will those change?

Until next time

 Jane

Cheating on the Go

There's a site Singlesaroundme that boasts an app for you cell phone that allows you to see on a map anyone from the same dating site that may be in the vicinity.

I haven't made a profile for this site as I don't use internet on my phone and wouldn't want that on my phone anyway.

Funny though, my husband Mr. "I only want to make phone calls on my cell" has transformed into Mr. "I want a smart phone." Hmmm. I can put him off for awhile but eventually he'll get one unless of course he has already bought a prepaid one. It wouldn't surprise me.

Just another way for creepy people to be just that, creepy spouses.

Until next time,

Jane

Best Advice About A Cheating Spouse

The other morning I was thinking about all the cat and mouse hide and seek I have been doing across the internet with or about my husband over the past two years.

If I could do it all over again from the first email I found that said he had matches on friendfinder knowing what I know now, this is what I would have done. And here is my best advice if you find evidence of a cheating spouse.

In my case, an email leading directly to an online dating profile.....no doubt it was my husbands. If I had know then what the best move was by this point it would all be done one way or the other.

This is what I should have done. Instead of confronting him and listening to him lie and deny, I should have forwarded the email to my email account (as I did, so that I could easily log in using the link in the email) but instead of asking him about it I should have kept my mouth shut and watched to see what he did. Chances are he would have communicated with somebody and arranged a meeting, Then there would be no questions or wondering. It would be done.

Until next time,

Jane

I'd Recognize You Anywhere!!

So you have been searching online dating sites to see if your husband (yes, it could be your wife) has a  profile. One of three  things will show up if they do. A profile with no picture, in which you have to deduce it it could be them, a BINGO...profile with their photo. Hopefully they are not one of the extra tacky ones (because lets face it, if they are attached and on here to begin with they are already, by nature, tacky at best). And lastly the genital shot.

So here is my question. Could you identify your boyfriend/husband by their penis alone? Think about it.  Of course there are a few tips I can give you. Look at the background. Do you recognize the thread on your couch, or the light fixture above them. Sometimes they have their computer screen in the background or simply the top half of a door frame. Take a look, you can deduce quite a bit from a few small details (I'll refrain from the obvious zinger here).

Until next time,


Jane

The Long and the Short of it

I found a whole new dating niche the other say. Well new and news to me. Tall dating. Tall people wanting to date other tall people and of course short people wanting to date tall people. I can understand short women with tall men and tall women with shorter men who don't mind but to purposely seek out a short man...I don't know. And of course I know that there are short men who want taller women and I don't want to think about that too much.

Anyway, there are several sites geared towards 'tall dating' out there. One is datetallpeople.com I found it in a google search. The sign up was pretty much standard as I have mentioned before.
I set up a profile both as a man and as a woman. Once you are successfully logged in a screen comes up asking for payment...don't be scared, just click on your profile or search and it goes away. Sort of a strong arm scare you into paying tactic.

Everything else is standard. You receive emails some with pictures some without telling you that someone is interested in you.

There are other niche dating sites I will eventually review.

Until next time,

Jane

Time to Come Clean

I had a moment today when I asked myself..."Did my husband really over explain why he was going to take a shower before going to work today?"  Really. I have never heard him give me reasons for showering. Red flag anyone?

Funny too, because the past few weeks he has been very nostalgic about when we first got together and how pretty I look in pictures and so on. And I have to admit that I did sit back and become a bit complacent......wouldn't it be so easy if he gave up his old ways and I could settle back down with the man I thought I had fallen in love with, but every so often the truth would bubble up to the surface and eventually and I had to remind myself of the facts. Multiple online dating profiles from before he met me and after. Those after he met me spanning over several years, the last few AFTER I told him it was unacceptable to me.

All I can do is enjoy what ever decent time we have together, not forget the truth and keep preparing. So that's where it stands today.

Until next time,

Jane

Lost in MS City, Utah

And why are all the men on certain dating sites from there? I've mentioned the Benaughty Upforit, Shagaholic, Plentyofmature, Sugarbbw websites and there are many more sister sites. But one thing I haven't covered is this, for some reason if you sign up for one of their dating sites, the default location seems to be MS City, Utah. That's where you will be located if you aren't paying attention.

The problem is for every site my husband has one or two versions of his original profile, he also has a MS City, Utah version too. It's gets a bit complicated because if you do a search for your spouse using MS City, there are a disproportionate amount of profiles for that area. There are approx 120,000  of both men and women in Ms City. I get fewer hits in a search for my husband in a much larger metropolitan area than I do in Utah because so many profiles are lost here.

I see profiles in my regular search and I also see many of the same people or some permutation there of in the MS City searches I do.

Until next time,

Jane

Dating Profile Anonymous Picture

I mentioned last time about becoming familiar with the different website anonymous user  avatar or grayman. So I thought about it and thought I may be able to help. Over several posts I will show you some of the anonymous user profile pictures for some of the websites I've already mentioned.

For today here are a few:
These first two are the female and male profile pictures from friendfinder (if the user doesn't upload a picture of corse.)

These next two are from zoosk...I don't know why the male has a couple in the picture.

Last ones for today....these are from an email from BBpeoplemeet again, I don't know why they represent male profiles with 3 different one.

Hope this helps.

Jane

Where is My Husband On Line?

I've mentioned before that if you have set up your own profiles on dating sites to be sure and check the emails they send to you in order not to miss one that may have your spouses profile featured in it.

Another reason to check these emails is this:  Each dating/personals site have their own graphics...the little picture of a heart, intertwined hearts, or other logo. They also have certain colors associated with their site and the set up of the profile pictures they send in the email are done a certain way. Some sites send a list style with fairly large profile pictures. Other send a grid. Some have thick blue lines between each profile...etc. You get the idea. Lastely, on each site, the "grayman" for those who don't upload a profile picture is distinctive. Some look like the generic hotmail man...or myspace man (of course the myspace has multiple men). Some are a gray shadow and so on.

One reason it is important to become familiar or pay attention to these differences is sometimes you can catch a glimpse of your spouses computer screen and if they are like my husband who is so smug that he thinks he's getting away with something they will look at their emails...or even possibly the site itself, while you are in the same room. So you catch a glimpse of an email he's looking at with rows of pictures....hmmmm, that's not facebook. Could me match or several others.

Right now my husband doesn't appear to be visiting the sites he had been for the past year, so I'm not stupid enough to think he has changed his ways, instead I need a clue as to what he is doing.

Yesterday he was looking at an email that sent rows of pictures, so as I was checking email this morning I was paying attention.

I also saw him signing up for a site and all I could see was a cartoon palm tree and it said "it's easy" and the grayman   looked like the msn man but two of them in bright yellow. Still haven't figured that one out.

Until next time....pay attention.

Jane