Dating Profile Anonymous Picture

I mentioned last time about becoming familiar with the different website anonymous user  avatar or grayman. So I thought about it and thought I may be able to help. Over several posts I will show you some of the anonymous user profile pictures for some of the websites I've already mentioned.

For today here are a few:
These first two are the female and male profile pictures from friendfinder (if the user doesn't upload a picture of corse.)

These next two are from zoosk...I don't know why the male has a couple in the picture.

Last ones for today....these are from an email from BBpeoplemeet again, I don't know why they represent male profiles with 3 different one.

Hope this helps.

Jane

Where is My Husband On Line?

I've mentioned before that if you have set up your own profiles on dating sites to be sure and check the emails they send to you in order not to miss one that may have your spouses profile featured in it.

Another reason to check these emails is this:  Each dating/personals site have their own graphics...the little picture of a heart, intertwined hearts, or other logo. They also have certain colors associated with their site and the set up of the profile pictures they send in the email are done a certain way. Some sites send a list style with fairly large profile pictures. Other send a grid. Some have thick blue lines between each profile...etc. You get the idea. Lastely, on each site, the "grayman" for those who don't upload a profile picture is distinctive. Some look like the generic hotmail man...or myspace man (of course the myspace has multiple men). Some are a gray shadow and so on.

One reason it is important to become familiar or pay attention to these differences is sometimes you can catch a glimpse of your spouses computer screen and if they are like my husband who is so smug that he thinks he's getting away with something they will look at their emails...or even possibly the site itself, while you are in the same room. So you catch a glimpse of an email he's looking at with rows of pictures....hmmmm, that's not facebook. Could me match or several others.

Right now my husband doesn't appear to be visiting the sites he had been for the past year, so I'm not stupid enough to think he has changed his ways, instead I need a clue as to what he is doing.

Yesterday he was looking at an email that sent rows of pictures, so as I was checking email this morning I was paying attention.

I also saw him signing up for a site and all I could see was a cartoon palm tree and it said "it's easy" and the grayman   looked like the msn man but two of them in bright yellow. Still haven't figured that one out.

Until next time....pay attention.

Jane

Gone But Not Forgotten

I haven't been here for a while. It had nothing to do with the holidays but more frustration.  For the past several months I've had secret access to my husbands alternative email, the one from which all this started where I found his friendfinder profile info. An added bonus lately was that he had his primary email forwarded to this mailbox and I have had access to that too. Then out of the blue he stops the forwarding. Which to me could mean several things.
He suspected I had access, which I sort of doubt because he is so arrogant that he wouldn't even think I had a clue.
He has tired of the online cheating scene, which I also doubt.
Or, he has decided to drop the alternative email address as his point of contact and has opened yet another email account. This is what I think is happening.
Look back at my post about email address that are not officially closed but left open.
So I wonder if he is gearing up again and I'm back to having to check every single email notification from all the online dating/sex sites and check all the profiles that look at mine.

Basically, 2 steps forward and 10 back.

Jane

Too Good to Be True

I just read an online article about the possible signs of a cheating spouse and one of them was that the cheater was more attentive and nice to you. I've already mentioned how the summer of friendfinder (when my husband took out his profile on that site), he was extra ornery with me, very critical.
Now I find myself on the polar opposite and it makes me just as suspicious. He's attentive, affectionate in public, stealing kisses and the kicker is that he starts to get angry with me and stops mid sentence. I am talking about a very high strung angry person.
This is such an uncomfortable way to live, I keep looking at the line I've drawn in the sand, by this time next year I'll have made a decision and started to implement it. Until, then, it's like a chess game, I keep adjusting my pieces for action.

Until next time,

Jane

BBWPersonalsplus.com

There are two sides to this post, first I'm going to give a review of this site and the other is that after all this time I found a new "old" profile of my husband online.
Periodically I do a Google search for online dating or online sex personals and I go to the top recommended sites and do the profile searches I explained in my post about how to recover passwords and screen names from dating sites.
Because one day, not too long ago my husband asked me if I knew what BBW meant, I clicked on the site BBWPersonalsplus.com, which turns out to be part of the Spark network (on which he had an old profile on Americansingles.com).  On the page for forgotten password, I entered his two present email addresses and the old one he used for most of his profiles and there it was, he had a profile from 2001. Long before I met him.
But what gets me is this, we have had several conversations about the subject and every time he says that he never did that and the sheer number of old profiles I have found negate the possibility he tried one out of curiosity, so he's a liar.
Sometimes, a friend will tell me to just ask him, or confront him and I tell them that he will only lie.

Back to BBW Personals Plus...the set up is exactly like American Singles with all the same restrictions.
Read yesterdays post to get those details.

Until next time,

Jane

American Singles

I don't think I've mentioned this one, it's part of the Spark Network of dating sites. American Singles which used to be american singles.com, but now is spark.com. Anyway, this was one of the first profiles I found. See my blog about how I found it. But at that time I didn't review the site.
I guessed the password and got right in, there was a picture of my husband...imagine my surprise. Still this was from about two years before we met. He had his physical stats and what he was looking for....nothing kinky but he does have a pattern.
With American Singles or Spark....you can do a search as a non paying member, and read messages but not reply. I didn't see any racy photos, I don't believe they are allowed. In fact if you don't have a picture you can't log in.
 I got the impression there are a lot of foreign women (fake or real) that try to make contact. Though this is true on adult friend finder too and their sister sites.
Unfortunately because it was almost ten years ago that he used this site (makes you wonder what is wandering around about yourself on the internet indefinitely) I can't find out much about who he actually contacted. I can find out who he favorited and may have contacted but those members haven't been active for ten years either so there is no email or message trail.

Next time I will review one of Sparks sister sites.

Until then,

Jane

Dr Jekyll is Hard to Hyde

What are those sayings?
"The truth will out."
"Water seeks it's own level"
and so forth. In other words eventually things will come out that someone is trying to hide.
When I first found the friendfinder profile that my husband had...this was in Spetember of last year and the profile was started that July. I thought about that summer and it had seemed like I couldn't do anything right...that old saying of "If I say black, he'll say white."
The first thought is that he was unhappy with me, thought I was stupid as he was apt to say and that's why he went online for a relationship. But actually, I think it was that he had to justify it somehow in his mind and so he picked on me. There is no way I am going to be responsible for him behaving badly.

Anyway, the last few months it's as if we had just gotten together...well somewhat. We have had a good time, lots of laughing like we were for the first four years of our relationship...before last summer in fact.
And no, I wasn't fooled, though I was enjoying it. Almost thinking, maybe I can live like this.
Now, this past week give or take a few days, he is going back to mean and nit-picking. So, as I have been hoping, this time I will be on the look out and not miss this part of his cycle as it comes around.
So we will see.

Until next time,

Jane

Adultery

I don't think enough can be said about the emotional impact on the cheated on spouse. My feelings are on a roller coaster. If you read previous posts you can see that at times I just tried to see the humor or stupidity in the online dating profiles I saw, other times I am confused, but lately I have been furious. To the point where I didn't think I could keep my mouth shut. It would take hours to calm down.
The last two days I think I have sunk into a depression and worst of all it seems as if my feelings toward him are changing.

I heard someone say once, you'll love them madly, hate them madly, but when there are no feelings is when you know it's over.
Don't know if that is where I am, but there is an emotional chasm opening up.

Jane

Confront a Cheating Husband? Probably Not Yet

Since the last post I have gone round and round in my head....it's difficult not to say something...I already made one mistake. I logged in as one of his profiles and viewed his other one. I'm sure he hasn't noticed this yet.
There are a lot of things I need to take care of before I let this blow up in my face.
I found this put very well in an article I found. Here is the link, but the best section for me right now is the one titled "Suspicion Tends to Help Cheaters". 


The last thing I want right now is for him to tunnel under ground and hide what he is doing. I know if I confront him right now with what I know he will lie and probably get mad and leave using the excuse that "if that's what you want to believe." I've heard it before. Anyway, I'm trying to keep my cool. Not very easy right now.


Until later,


Jane

Are You Married to a Cheating Spouse?

How do you find a cheating husband? A lot of ways. Today, I'm going to talk about free online people searches.
First of all I want to mention that if you do searches using any of these search options today...you need to repeat them occasionally. Information changes and I found that new information, screen names, email addresses don't show up right away. Oh, and sometimes they don't show up at all. My husband has an extra email address....or two or three, and they don't show up using theses options.
The other caution I will mention is that sometimes these people searches combine information of two people. So don't make a rash decision based on what you find until you have done more fact finding.

In other words, these ideas are just options and what you find may send you in a direction to find out what you really need to know.
If you google people searches you will come up with probably all these sites I'm going to mention. Why do I bother mentioning them? Because using them is part of my story and I want to give you my personal experience with them.
there is 123people.com, wink, isearch, radaris, pipl and spokeo that I have used the most.  And there is always good old whitepages.com, your basic online phone book.

Wink seems to base most of it's information on MyLife....which I know for a fact isn't always correct and you can't view the information anyway...unless of course you have a paid MyLife account.

123people.com gives you a lot of information for your search but obviously a lot of what you find is determined by the name you are searching for...how common is it...the size of the town or city and any other distinguishing details about a person. You can search by email, phone number etc.

I like Radaris...though it can be overwhelming it does give you a lot of information to go through.

I use Pipl.com and Spokeo.com a lot. Search for yourself and see how much information comes up (it's a good idea to do this periodically anyway) and see how accurate it is. Never correct anything by the links offered to you on any of the sites. A lot of the information these sites have are given to them...so don't make it easy for them to have your information.

One of the frustrations I experience is that a lot of the information returned is from social networking sites....and yes, I did find a myspace profile on my husband where he says he is single, but for the most part I'm hoping to find info on dating sites. I haven't found as of yet, a dating profile search engine. Though sometimes Google.com is the best way to go. google your spouses' email, screen name, even name plus location. I googled my husband friend finder profile name and came up with two hits.

The same as with the dating sites....using these search engines will give you information that can be ignored on other sites....screen names of other people come up here and you'll see them elsewhere. The same tip I gave you in a previous post.

Don't forget, if you have an experience I'd like to hear it and share the information or if you have a question you can send me a message and I'll answer it on my blog so everyone can benefit and you can remain anonymous.

Until then,

Jane