Within the first part of out relationship we were hashing out some of the issues that plague people of our age that have been previously married so while there was a shift in our relationship (that 100% trust of mine became guarded, but my affections only grew, bad combination.)
When he was’t out of town we were almost always together and live in a small town. I began to feel like as long as he was where I could see him……
Then he started working exclusively for one company which I had also worked for in a different capacity so I was able to go on those assignments and from those he started his own company and I always went. Gone was the "he’s out of town insecurities," but things didn’t stop.
And as with other problems and abuse it cycled and as I have already mentioned when we are in a good cycle or at least what I perceive of as a clean time when he’s not looking around, things are great and I wonder if maybe I was imagining things.
Have you ever put poison on an ant hill and it disappears only to show up somewhere else? Well that is one of the stages of the cycle. I’m pretty sure I’m on one or two steps behind him and then nothing. No activity, he seems like the paragone of virtue and it’s at this point that I wonder several things.
1. Was I imaging it?
2. Did he decide he couldn’t go through with it?
3. Or the most likely one, did he sense that I was suspicious whether or not he knew how much I had figured out or not is up for debate.
By the way...we have just eased into this part of the cycle only this time instead of comforted I am increasingly annoyed and frustrated. More and more I feel like if I have to feel this way at all for any reason it's just not worth it. We'll see.
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