Monday, July 25, 2011

Forgive a Cheating Husband?

I know I've been trying to look at some of the humorous aspects of this subject, but sometimes I get really down thinking about certain facts about my situation. While I can't be certain whether or not he has actually cheated on me, I know for a fact that he has taken out online dating profiles or ads and as I have already explained the ones from before we met can't be held against him but they speak volumes about him.
The ones from the past year and a half, he hasn't been into for a month or so. A few months ago he told me he wasn't checking them but I know for a fact he was, though there were no communications between him and anyone on them.
So, lately he hasn't even been checking his email which makes me nervous. Why? Because, if he's not acting out in that way, what is he doing? There are no unexplained blocks of time, so I think he's not doing anything (as he has done in the past) but this will last another month, a few months? I don't know.
This has happened before, only I don't know how many times we have gone through this cycle, since I wasn't aware of all of this, I don't know all of the steps, the lengths of time or anything to expect.
See my other entry about this same topic.
Before when he would cycle, I didn't have enough to go on to see the next wave coming, but that's what I'm hoping will be different this time. I have drawn a line in the sand......if he starts any more online window shopping, that's it.

This week I want to get back to searching for someone online, what I have done personaly and get back to reviewing more of the dating sites.

Until tomorrow,

Jane

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I Want to Date A Senior

I could spend hours here telling you about the funny (at least to me) profiles I see online, the differences between the male and female profiles and what (I think) works and doesn't work.
But this morning I'm going to talk about one I saw....I don't want to use actual screen names (in order to protect the 'innocent')...yeah right.
Anyway...the made up screen name is WildBill5040. Bill is 57 years old and chooses to have as he main profile picture, a picture of himself in a golf cart. Okay, so it's a fancy green golf cart, but a golf cart all the same and to anyone under 50 years old and possibly to those over 50 too.....golf cart spells old fart.
Then, I look at his profile and there's the picture of himself in his golf cart and there's a second picture.  I click on it and it's a close up of his....you guessed it...his "stick shift"....nothing else, except enough to see that he has a flat stomach. Amazing flat for a man his age come to think of it which makes me wonder.

That's all for today,

Jane

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Adios Amigo or "That's Spanish for Adult FriendFinder"

This review/observation on the adult friendfinder sites will be about the rest of the alternate sites. That includes Amigos, French friendfinder, German, Asia, Italian,Portuguese etc....you get the idea. There are also Senior, BigChurch, Gay, Grad and MillionaireMate....how honest do you think those men are because in my experience women lie or hedge about who they are, their weight, age, whereas men lie/hedge about their accomplishments, income and job/military experience.
I have never checked out the Millionairemate site and there is this: I can see my husband putting his profile on their and stretching the truth about his income. Hmmm.

I've been on Amigos.com Senior and BigChurch...all of them similar to AFF. In my experience if you want to be able to make a genuine hook up without too many constraints, I would opt for friendfinder.

Maybe I'll check out Millionaire. I'll let you know.

Have a good weekend,

Jane

Friday, July 15, 2011

My Husband is Cheating Online....or at least he was.


I don’t like living like this, but look at the time spent going over what happened as an opportunity to exam what happened, what my part was and what I would do differently and hopefully by posting all of this will save someone else many steps of process if they find themselves in a similar situation.
Anyway, back to what happened to me.



I received an email at the 101@aol account that his account with Lovehappens was about to close. I took the opportunity to log in and look at his profile before the site shut down. It also gave me something else to go by. Apparently at that time he was on the dating or looking for love sites, as I call them, as opposed to booty call/sex hook up sites. 
Around the same time an email came in that SmithJ92 had received a message at American Singles. Another profile......slightly different profile or screen name but basically looking for the same thing, same type of women.
Hmmm, I can't say I fit the discription. Oh well, I fell in love with him but if I had been asked what my ideal man looked like before I met him, the physical description wouldn't have fit him either. If anything I am a much closer fit to what he was looking for than he is to what I would have said was my ideal.

And as with the AFF profile these two 'new' ones were from about the same time period, before we met.
But if I had known he was prone to online excursions (because these were done while he was still married to his ex) I never would have gone out with him the first time.

Next week I will post a mix of what happened between us and how things were revealed to me and some reviews of more on the dating sites along with some amusing looks at what men seem to think women are looking for on these sites.

Until tomorrow,

Jane

Friday, July 8, 2011

Alt.com The Hardcore alternative to Adult Friend Finder

Not that I thought my husband would have a profile on alt.com, but then again you never know, so here is a brief review/opinion on Alt. com, an alternative lifestyle dating, hookup site.
Sign up and the basic format runs the same as AFF with the main difference in the hook up choices and search options. Instead of just searching for a man, or even a couple, you can search based on dominance, fetish and more. Things I didn't even know about.  Though the same applies to a standard, read that 'non paying' member, you have only limited access to the profile information, see my entry on AFF. But if this is where your interests are then instead of spending time on other sites pretending to look for "Ms Right" it may even be worth it to pay the membership fee (there are several options) and find a fetish friend.

Until next time

Jane

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Adult Friend Finder Online.......or Not

One last thought about Adult Friend Finder. When someone is online, logged in, it says "Online Now!" in vivid green letters just under their main stats.
But here is the kicker, if you are logged in and then log off, it continues to say that you are "Online Now".
Last I tested it I had to leave the house at 46 minutes and a profile that I had logged in as and logged back off from still stated that it was online. Soon I will have to test it again to see just how long it stays on.
This could be a way for the site to give the impression of more activity then there actually is or just a computer quirk. Either way this feature can work for or against you.

Until tomorrow,

Jane

Life on Adult Friend Finder

There is a lot I have learned from this experience and some of that is information about the different online dating sites......so in some respects this can be considered a review of Adult Friend Finder.
Adult Friend Finder has quite a few sister sites, several of which I will also 'review' as I go along, but I will tell you this now, they are not all the same so don't assume that what I tell you about AFF stands for the others. Some of the affiliate sites are easier to post and contact on.
Okay, first of all, sign up is easy, you need a valid email address....one that hasn't been used for this site before and a few minutes to use the pull down options to add your physical stats, height, weight, hair color etc. You will be asked for a screen name....it may take a few tries in case YoungNSexy1965 has already been taken.
Then you need to fill out a short paragraph about yourself and another about the type of mate you are searching for. The site sends a confirmation email you need to activate, pretty much like signing up for a new email account, nothing tricky except making sure your write up will catch someones eye.
There is also a point where you can upload a photo or several. On AFF you can have a photo with nudity (I will get into some of what I have seen, what I personally think works and doesn't work for men and women, on another post).
Many sites encourage you to post a picture of yourself holding a sign with your screen name written on it, this ensures that you are real. Which if you are suing these sites for a hook up, you may want to look for and avoid those photos that look amazing like someone famous. Though, some sites will scan the photos and reject them if they are public domain or on the internet, AFF is one of those sites. Not to say you can't slip something by them.....
Once you have confirmed your profile you can search, the search options allow you to make an age span choice, gender choice (yes, on AFF you can even be a couple searching for  a man or a woman or search for a couple yourself). This isn't allowed on all of their sister sites. What you are looking for, including threesomes, bondage etc. You chose a state and zip, then finally, if you are only a standard member, you can chose to search through only standard contacts or Gold and Silver, which if you are serious is probably a better way to make a contact for reasons I'll mention soon. If you are a paying member you have many more search options.
The search will bring up members in that zip code and if it's a small selection will also show profiles for surrounding areas, but it seems to me that expanded search never goes north of my location, only south, east and west.  That seems to be true on a lot of sites.
It used to be the search would only give you those in that zip and that was all but it has expanded which is better.
A gallery list of profiles will fill the page, which by the way, show one photo or a shadow profile if no pic was uploaded, the screen name, age, last visit, and  a star rating, 1 to 5, for compatibility. This is determined by what you fill out in your search parameters, or cupid (oops, sorry, now it's 'dove') preferences.
If  you click on one it takes you to an upgrade and pay page, but if you just scroll your curser over the picture you can get more information, but not of it.
Under each profile are options to send a flirt, call, add to your hotlist, email, or invite as a friend. Unless you are a paying member you can forget about contacting my email r calling. But when they login they will see that you browsed their profile and if you do so multiple times it shows that too, so don't look desperate, it's a turn off. Then if they are a paying member they can send you a message.
You will receive an email saying someone has sent you a message and a list or partial list of those who have browsed your profile.

There is a lot more to this site, chatting, movies etc....and I don't know if you actually pay how well it pans out....will welcome and post comments from anyone who has paid.

But the bottom line is for myself it gave me a pretty good option for searching for my husbands profile.

Oh, one last thing, because I have logged in through my husbands old profile, as a woman  you have a little more leeway in how much you can do for free.

Until next time,

Jane

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Password from Adult Friend Finder


So once I had access to his old email accounts, I would periodically check them and nothing new ever came into them except for the occasional offer by the provider. I wasn’t sure why I kept up the checks but I remembered something he had told me (see a lot of what I learned
 I learned from him) he told me that a man that communicates with a woman periodically is basically checking his traps….like a lobster fisherman….you set the traps and check every so often and sooner or later you will snag something.


That’s exactly what happened. We were working out of town and we had a few extra computers. One of the men working for us needed a computer and my husband sold him one of our extra ones for a good price. A day or two later “John” asked me if I could help him with the internet. Sure I said…..the upshot was that when I looked at his Internet Explorer toolbar…he had extra toolbars enabled, one was the aol and it said new mail for jsmith101.  Hmmm I thought. Anyway  I helped John in just a few minutes and as soon as I was alone back in our hotel room I went to Aol because I recognized that address as one of the ones on the list and I figured my husband must have been into it on that computer.
There wasn’t anything in the email but when I went to AFF to ask for a lost password, where previously it said no account in that email suddenly it was sending the password to the email address.
BTW, I learned to first ask to have a password sent to my own address to see if they say no such account or will send email with or without password, that way I know if it’s safe to query my husbands present address.
Back to AFF. Sure enough  login information was sent and within minutes I was looking
at a profile from August of 2004, location a suburb in Atlanta, Ga.

I've also learned not to react to that rush of adrenaline and reveal my hand. Wait for it to pass and think about the best thing to do.
The profile was from before we had even met, so I didn't mention it to him, instead  I used it for information. What was his title, did he give he actual physical stats (he did), no photo, and just what was he trolling for on Adult Friend Finder. 
I'll get into that tomorrow.

Jane