I Love A Man in Uniform

On the UpForIt, BeNaughty, Shagaholic sites as you look at the search page there are ads for their other sites. The newest ad is "Do you want to date a man in uniform?" With pictures of young, fit handsome men in uniforms.  UniformDating.com

Myself, I've always had a weakness for a man in uniform, present husband included. And since my husband was/is and always will be, a Marine I figured I would check and see if he succumbed to his ego and joined that site.

Well, he hadn't but I had to laugh out loud.

Think about it, the 60 something, balding, paunchy man next door, probably served four years in the Army or Navy when he was 18. But unless he was a career military man or special ops, you probably wouldn't know it to look at him.  In other words, the profile list was the same as the other sites.

Possibly if you search through the 20 year olds you will find men in uniform that look like they belong in a uniform.

Best Advice About A Cheating Spouse

The other morning I was thinking about all the cat and mouse hide and seek I have been doing across the internet with or about my husband over the past two years.

If I could do it all over again from the first email I found that said he had matches on friendfinder knowing what I know now, this is what I would have done. And here is my best advice if you find evidence of a cheating spouse.

In my case, an email leading directly to an online dating profile.....no doubt it was my husbands. If I had know then what the best move was by this point it would all be done one way or the other.

This is what I should have done. Instead of confronting him and listening to him lie and deny, I should have forwarded the email to my email account (as I did, so that I could easily log in using the link in the email) but instead of asking him about it I should have kept my mouth shut and watched to see what he did. Chances are he would have communicated with somebody and arranged a meeting, Then there would be no questions or wondering. It would be done.

Until next time,

Jane

Where is My Husband On Line?

I've mentioned before that if you have set up your own profiles on dating sites to be sure and check the emails they send to you in order not to miss one that may have your spouses profile featured in it.

Another reason to check these emails is this:  Each dating/personals site have their own graphics...the little picture of a heart, intertwined hearts, or other logo. They also have certain colors associated with their site and the set up of the profile pictures they send in the email are done a certain way. Some sites send a list style with fairly large profile pictures. Other send a grid. Some have thick blue lines between each profile...etc. You get the idea. Lastely, on each site, the "grayman" for those who don't upload a profile picture is distinctive. Some look like the generic hotmail man...or myspace man (of course the myspace has multiple men). Some are a gray shadow and so on.

One reason it is important to become familiar or pay attention to these differences is sometimes you can catch a glimpse of your spouses computer screen and if they are like my husband who is so smug that he thinks he's getting away with something they will look at their emails...or even possibly the site itself, while you are in the same room. So you catch a glimpse of an email he's looking at with rows of pictures....hmmmm, that's not facebook. Could me match or several others.

Right now my husband doesn't appear to be visiting the sites he had been for the past year, so I'm not stupid enough to think he has changed his ways, instead I need a clue as to what he is doing.

Yesterday he was looking at an email that sent rows of pictures, so as I was checking email this morning I was paying attention.

I also saw him signing up for a site and all I could see was a cartoon palm tree and it said "it's easy" and the grayman   looked like the msn man but two of them in bright yellow. Still haven't figured that one out.

Until next time....pay attention.

Jane

Let's Shag at Shagaholic

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Caught Red Handed

The other morning I found an email that apparently my husband thought he had deleted, a welcome message for yet another online dating site. I was bitterly disappointed. It's a terrible feeling to see that he has the profile and then to read it and he says he is divorced looking for long term relationship. Is he just waiting until he finds something better and then he will leave?
My first impulse was to upload a picture of a donkey's ass as his profile picture, but I didn't, but I'm not through yet.
I'm trying to remain calm, I'm still not quite positioned for a confrontation. Soon, I'm hoping by August but if something comes up before I need to be prepared as much as possible.

This time I am as depressed as I was when I found the first evidence back in September of 2010...what does that tell me.  I guess the whole relationship has been a lie and if you could see how he acts with me, you would never imagine he was window shopping other women.

Oh well, until next time,

Jane

UpForIt knows How to Be Naughty at Benaughty.com

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A Few More Words About UpForIt.com

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Matchnet Online Free Dating Search Engine

If you were to go to matchnet.com and put in the right key search word and the right age group your search result would only be 8 men, one of them being my husband...with his picture even. Of course it is from 8 years ago before we even met.
Matchnet.com is a database of profiles from Spark network sites...or at least from Spark.com formerly known as Americansingles.com. You don't even need to be logged in to see the results. Of course if you want to see the entire profile of anyone you need to log in.
If you are searching for your husband online it's worth spending a little time checking it out. Depending on how good you are at online searches it may take a little bit to find results.

Hmmm...just saw a commercial for Ourtime.com...think I'll check it out.

Until next time,

Jane

I Found My Husbands Profile Online Is It Cheating

The questions is this:
I found my husbands profile on craigslist, friendfinder, hornymatches, etc....  is it cheating?

Some may consider it actual cheating and I can see why they would....it is mentally cheating.
For myself I see it as the intent to cheat. Even if they are saying they are only curious, they are fooling themselves.....window shop enough and you will eventually want to buy.
As I said at the beginning of this blog, I don't know if my husband cheated on me already but the online profiles tell me that if he hasn't already and he keeps doing the same, yes he will eventually cheat.
And even if he doesn't, he isn't mentally committed to me...he finds me lacking, or boring or distasteful in some respect and I find that insulting. Basically, it tells me everything I need to know.
I write this blog in order to vent, maintain my sanity and maybe help someone else.

I can check the stats on this blog which tells me how many views, which posts were viewed and the referring sites. What makes me sad is all the queries I see that basically ask the above question. "I found my husbands profile on  (fill in the blank) is it cheating?
My last thought on this is that it probably isn't the first time he's done this whether it was with you or someone else.

Until next time,

Jane

I'm Not Your Typo

At least spell check or double check your profile description, nothing like bad grammer or a typo to turn someone off or make them think they can take advantage of you, because you're not too smart.
I know I have typos in my posts, but they are just that typos....I really think a lot of these are ignorance.

Here are a few examples.

"hi all im not sale at all" I'm not even sure where he was going with this one.

"I'm no angle, let's ride....."  This was in all caps too, so he was screaming his mistake.

"I'm looking for Intemacy 7 days aweek"

"i'm seeking a life partner .marriage is a real possibly..."

"I am curious to see if there are any real people on this sight."   And that's just a quick look, I could probably write a book and fill every page.

Until next time,

Jane

What Part Didn't You Understand?

I found an article on line last night, it may be a blog, I'm not certain, but what was interesting in that it was a woman talking about finding out that her boyfriend has an online dating profile. What I found interesting and sad, was that she states the obvious (and it seems it was difficult for her to act on too) that the very existence of the profile is all you really need to know. It is an absolute statement about the relationship....as in what part didn't you understand. And as I have said, it's not the understanding part that seems to be so difficult, it is the comprehending that sucks. Something like the shock you may have upon finding a stranger in your home. Most people are stunned for a moment their brains trying to make sense out of a senseless situation.
I suppose if I approached this situation with the same "I better make a move or my life may depend on it" attitude I would take on finding an intruder I would be better off.
Yes, (I was counting last night) it's been a year and a half since I found out about my husbands friendfinder profile. That's all there is to know. By sticking around all I've done is become sadder and angrier. Of course I'm not in a financial position to leave and that's what I've been working on since it is the only thing I can do anything about.
So, here is the article that inspired this rant, it's worth reading.
Here is a quote from it that descriptions that moment (with the intruder) when our brains are trying to sort it all out.
"What did I really do, when I discovered my boyfriend had an active online dating account (VIP membership, checked within the past 24 hours). I listened to his ridiculous story about how he’d prepaid for a year. And had just coincidentally looked at it the day before because they kept sending him email. Out of curiosity."

Juggling Email Addresses

A few days ago I talked about leaving email addresses unattended and probably forgotten....but not gone.
At the beginning of this blog I mentioned how I found a piece of paper with multiple email addresses my husband had used with login information. With the exception of the earthlink account, all the others were still accessible.
As things have gone along those email accounts have come in handy. At present I am using 1 juno, 1 yahoo, 1 msn, 1 live and 2 aol email accounts as my own. This serves two purposes. Occasionally old dating site info comes in and I use them to sign up for different dating sites.

Until later,

Jane

Are You A Fun Guy or Girl?

Another short mention about some of the dating profiles I have seen, I need to mention one I have seen recently and what I am going to tell you.
For an online screen name you can be a fun guy or a fun girl but never a fun gal because it translates to this
"Fungal65".

LOL


Jane

Craigslist Personals and Other Online Ads

Craigslist.org.  A lot has been said about their personal ads, but most people, who have never looked at them, don't realize that there are (or maybe by this time, 'there were') two types of personal or adult ads. One type was filled with professional escorts, strip clubs and the such and the other is what you would expect. What people called many years ago, "the lonely heart ads".
Basically, a man looking for a woman for romance, maybe more etc etc.
On craigslist and other online newspaper style ads, you can have a picture of yourself too.
Replying is done through an anonymous email remailer system, so you can stay safe, providing you don't email or post your private email or phone number.
As far as I am concerned with this blog, finding a spouse or significant other on this site can prove time consuming. Other than looking through all the ads in your area and any others close enough to be available play grounds for them, you would have to have access to their email and do an account search/forgot login.

One other site I have had experience with is Oodle.com.  You can sell a boat, look for a piano or take out an ad in their personals. Same as criaglist, you would have to look through all the ads or have email access. Though with Oodle you can set up your own account and set up an alert. In other words, you will receive an email every time an ad is posted where the man or woman is 6 ft tall and Japanese, providing their are some distinguishing features of the person you suspect is cheating.

Until next time,

Jane

BBWPersonalsplus.com

There are two sides to this post, first I'm going to give a review of this site and the other is that after all this time I found a new "old" profile of my husband online.
Periodically I do a Google search for online dating or online sex personals and I go to the top recommended sites and do the profile searches I explained in my post about how to recover passwords and screen names from dating sites.
Because one day, not too long ago my husband asked me if I knew what BBW meant, I clicked on the site BBWPersonalsplus.com, which turns out to be part of the Spark network (on which he had an old profile on Americansingles.com).  On the page for forgotten password, I entered his two present email addresses and the old one he used for most of his profiles and there it was, he had a profile from 2001. Long before I met him.
But what gets me is this, we have had several conversations about the subject and every time he says that he never did that and the sheer number of old profiles I have found negate the possibility he tried one out of curiosity, so he's a liar.
Sometimes, a friend will tell me to just ask him, or confront him and I tell them that he will only lie.

Back to BBW Personals Plus...the set up is exactly like American Singles with all the same restrictions.
Read yesterdays post to get those details.

Until next time,

Jane

American Singles

I don't think I've mentioned this one, it's part of the Spark Network of dating sites. American Singles which used to be american singles.com, but now is spark.com. Anyway, this was one of the first profiles I found. See my blog about how I found it. But at that time I didn't review the site.
I guessed the password and got right in, there was a picture of my husband...imagine my surprise. Still this was from about two years before we met. He had his physical stats and what he was looking for....nothing kinky but he does have a pattern.
With American Singles or Spark....you can do a search as a non paying member, and read messages but not reply. I didn't see any racy photos, I don't believe they are allowed. In fact if you don't have a picture you can't log in.
 I got the impression there are a lot of foreign women (fake or real) that try to make contact. Though this is true on adult friend finder too and their sister sites.
Unfortunately because it was almost ten years ago that he used this site (makes you wonder what is wandering around about yourself on the internet indefinitely) I can't find out much about who he actually contacted. I can find out who he favorited and may have contacted but those members haven't been active for ten years either so there is no email or message trail.

Next time I will review one of Sparks sister sites.

Until then,

Jane

Sinful Dates

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Dr Jekyll is Hard to Hyde

What are those sayings?
"The truth will out."
"Water seeks it's own level"
and so forth. In other words eventually things will come out that someone is trying to hide.
When I first found the friendfinder profile that my husband had...this was in Spetember of last year and the profile was started that July. I thought about that summer and it had seemed like I couldn't do anything right...that old saying of "If I say black, he'll say white."
The first thought is that he was unhappy with me, thought I was stupid as he was apt to say and that's why he went online for a relationship. But actually, I think it was that he had to justify it somehow in his mind and so he picked on me. There is no way I am going to be responsible for him behaving badly.

Anyway, the last few months it's as if we had just gotten together...well somewhat. We have had a good time, lots of laughing like we were for the first four years of our relationship...before last summer in fact.
And no, I wasn't fooled, though I was enjoying it. Almost thinking, maybe I can live like this.
Now, this past week give or take a few days, he is going back to mean and nit-picking. So, as I have been hoping, this time I will be on the look out and not miss this part of his cycle as it comes around.
So we will see.

Until next time,

Jane

Keep a Low Profile

Okay, I have some "splannin" to do Lucy, for my absense....but for now let me give you men some advice.

When writing your dating profile do not use words like "hopelessly, lonely,  oh yea and the overused and never believed "I'm new to this or I've never done this before".... even if by chance it is true, don't say so!!
Don't want to see you in your karate uniform (means your not as good as you think you are), nice car, but it doesn't mean I'll go out with you, skip your dog and when guys hold cats for profile pictures, the poor cats always look like hostages!
Why would anyone put a picture of themselves with another woman?!

One time I received a message from a man on friend finder and it was like a small novel...he went on and on about my profile and made it sund very personal to me, but then when I logged in as my 5 other profiles, there was that exact same message in those inboxes too. Very funny actually.

So there's a bit of advice because I'm sure I could think of more if I had time.

For now,

Jane

Intimate Dating

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