I Live on a One Way Street

Yes I do.
He can shop around and cheat, I wouldn't.
He can yell at me over the littlest things....I can never raise my voice.
It's all  my fault.....of course!!!!

He asked me if I knew how to do something with my computer....something I didn't do often but I did. So it was taking me a minute to remember the steps.
The fall out??? He starts yelling at me, furious, I'm so stupid and I never listen.
And....drum roll because from what I have read, this is the stuff from a cheaters endgame...."It's" all my fault.

Great, that means I don't need to remind him of appointments anymore....keep track of his obligations, tests, classes, his Mother!!!!

Why, the same day I was notified of my total incompetence I relieved myself of having to remind him of a payment he needed to make.....I remembered....hell, he didn't even understand the invoice when it was sent to him.  Late that night he said "I forgot to pay $$$$" and I looked at him and thought..."I didn't, asshole."

I've also stopped making decisions. Should we change out internet provided.....beats me....I'm no longer doing all the research and making all the phone calls and then having it thrown back at me later because it's not perfect.

Now, maybe I can devote more time to my life!!!

Until next time,

Jane

Find Hidden Dating Profiles

Just like the title says...only this is a different way then I've already talked about and I found it quite by accident.

I'll explain how I found this back way into a dating site and you can take it and run with it.

I knew my husband was on several sites all belonging to one company. It's common for one company to have several niche dating sites. When I logged in under my profile they will show ads running down the sides for their other sites, telling me I had mail on that site with a link to automatically log in.

They also have ads for sites I don't belong to and say join or sign up.

The third permutation is the ads with wording such as "Contact Her/Him" or "Start Dating Now."
If you click on them and you don't already belong you will be prompted to sign up.

But here is the punch line. I had already figured out that if I logged into one of his profiles and browsed around keeping an eye on the ads I could jump from site to site seeing which ones he has his profile on.
I also found out, that if I haven't logged out of my profiles and I am in one of his, the ad on the side will say he has mail on another site but when I click it, it takes me to my profile.

So......if perchance I am in one of mine and see a sign in to another one....if he hasn't logged out of his, then I would be able to jump from mine to his.

Now my husband is very methodical, I can't imagine him not logging out (and we don't even share a computer, I'm sure it is done using our ISP) but your significant or insignificant as it were, other may not be so careful.

Until next time,

Jane

Credit Check

Sometimes you get a credit card offer in the mail and it has one of those flimsy cardboard type cards with the offer.

Sometimes you get a credit card in the mail already with your name and expiration date on it! Just like my husband did last week. One was for a regular card with a $300 limit and the other was for a pre-paid. I happened to get the mail those days and he claims he never applied for them.

So I said okay....like I am really that stupid and I cut them up.

Until next time........can anyone else hear the circus music????

Jane

Whine Dine and Wedding Rings

Okay, I'm not going to rehash the whole drama of my husband coming home with out his wedding ring on and even leaving in the morning without it on. You can read that post yourself here.

Last night he come home without it and never put it back on. We went out to grab a bite to eat. No ring. The point is this: he isn't even aware anymore when he doesn't have it on.
I feel naked without mine!!

So when we get back home, I ask where is it. He comes out to watch TV in his sweats with it on.
When I ask why, he says "You were whining so I put it on."

WTF?? Whining?  I must be really nagging when I tell him to stay out of the dating sites.

I'm still broke, in debt without a job. I don't see this ending well at all.

Unitl next time,

Jane

What to Say to My Cheating Husband

Last post I was angry, seeing red angry.
Today I am sad.
Most mornings I wake up sad. Sad settles in before I have a chance to fortify myself against it.
When I wake up it is very early so there aren't any outside distractions to chase sad away.
Nope, every morning I wake up and wade through an emotional soup of angry, sad, lost, hurt, frustrated and at some point I settle on one of them and have a minor melt down. Then I stand on top of all my feelings and jam them back into the place they hide all day.
And it all comes back to my husband. I was rereading a ChumpLady post this morning about what to say to your cheater. And she reminded me that there is no use in saying anything. They don't care!!!

I have been fighting the urge to say something to him. I hate keeping my mouth shut when I know he is online. Wouldn't it be funny to send little pop up chat messages to him from about 5 different profiles on the site saying things like "cheater cheater", "Hi 'his name'",   "say hi to your wife for me", "hey jerkface" and so on.

Or tell him I know you are still doing this. But he doesn't care. If he did, he wouldn't have done it the first time and certainly wouldn't have continued to do it after I told him it was unacceptable. So there you have it.

I'm in the same stuck spot I was when I started this post.

Lesson learned?  The first time I should have told him to leave. That's it. No please don't do that, don't do it again. Nope, time to go, he knew from the beginning that that sort of behavior was a deal breaker.

until next time,

Jane

Return to Sender.....Email Address Unknown

Today I was done.
Every evening my husband logs into, from emails that are sent to him,  1 or more of 7 dating sites he has profiles on, all that come to his main email account.

I've mentioned before how he thinks he is so sneaky doing it while I am in the same room. Of course I can log in the next morning and see exactly what he was doing. Each morning I am furious. So this morning, once my heart rate slowed down, I decided there was only one way to keep him from doing it. For these particular ones anyway.

I logged in to Benaughty, Cupid, Wildbuddies, Cheekylovers, Girlsdateforfree, Flirt and ClickandFlirt and  "updated" his email. I changed it to one of his old email addresses. Of course I logged in to that account and confirmed the changes. So even if he squirreled away any old emails if he tries to log in from the embedded link or typing in his email address and password, he won't be able to get in.

I hope I am home when he tries to log in.

Chuckle,

Jane

Men Outnumber Woman on Dating Sites

A man mentioned to me (on another blog site) that there are forums where cheating men go to discuss the online dating sites. He said they all complain about the disproportionate amount of men on these sites compared to women. 10 to 1 he told me.

As I thought about that at first I was annoyed that these men gather to discuss their online dating options....of course I've already written about the site that gives tips on how to cheat and not get caught.
Then the more I thought about it I think it's funny.

I have noticed on the sites I've created profiles in order to 'contact' my husband on them that as a woman I get tons of photo requests, chat requests and messages. But when I log into my husbands account  most of the activity is on his part...viewing their profiles. There are some views to him but often times a third to a half of those views are ME!! (I have several different profiles on each site) Plus I know from what I have read on the internet that there are many fake profiles put there by other people and the site itself.

The other day, as a last ditch effort to give him a clue, since closing his accounts don't seem to make an impact, I changed his sex from male to female. He doesn't seem to be logging in to them anymore. I suppose all the emails he is receiving for photo and chat requests from men are annoying him. Never have his profiles seem so much activity.

So as disgusting as he and men like him are, on some weird level, the joke is on them.

Until next time,

Jane

Just the Ticket

Look out, I have officially shifted in to anger mode.

There is a venue coming to town next month I would love to see. Not something I normally do in fact.

My husband tells me last night that he tried on his phone (not a very good phone) to look up on how to buy tickets for this venue, but couldn't figure it out. He tells me we may as well go and why don't I figure out how to buy the tickets and of course I agreed.

Then this morning after thinking about it I have decided that as much as I want to go I am NOT doing the leg work here. If he asks I'll tell him, "You can figure out how to set up extra email accounts, how to sign up for dating sites and how to apply for and get credit cards without telling me. So if it were important for you to do this one thing for me I'm certain you can figure it out."

Until next time,

Jane

Three Strikes Your Out

Sure, I can keep asking him why he looks around on online dating sites and precipitate a fight, but I'd rather spend my energy on something else.

After all, I told him three times that sort of behavior was unacceptable and why would he do anything that may make me think he's being unfaithful, but he continues to do the same trashy things. So that must be his answer. I know he heard me, he even responded to the conversation and I know he's not unintelligent. Stupid maybe, but that's a different story.

It took awhile for the reality of his actions and what they mean to sift down into my core, and it's a sad sad feeling but it's the final truth of my marriage. It's time to go. Maybe I can't leave tomorrow or next month but I will .

until next time,

Jane

Keep My Family Out of This

I am amazed.
On the Cupid.com sites they often have little polls for the members to take, supposedly if you answer enough of them, they will give you more points on your account.

This past week I noticed the survey and it took me a few times for it to sink in, but the first question on the survey was this "Do you like your Mother-in-Law?"    WTF!!

Is the percentage of married members so high that it has become common, as in "try to make us believe this is normal"?

Until Next time,

Jane

You Have to Know When to Hold Them

Keep your cards close to your chest...isn't that what the gamblers say?

I know that there are people who scour the internet to see what is being said about their employers website, business etc.

In fact when I wrote about the poor search options on Adult Friend Finder I later found out they seriously improved them. Could one of the web scourers have found my blog post?

And in that  same vein, I have also bragged how I have been getting into my husbands other email by  signing in to a linked account. Well, guess which email service is doing away with linked accounts? Yep, me and my big blog mouth.

So, no more of that. Next thing  I know my husband will find one of my tips and maybe put 2 and 2 together.

Until next time,

Jane

Carrot on the Stick Sticking it to Me

We all know what chasing the carrot on the stick means. The clever farmer hung the tasty treat just far enough out of reach of his naive donkey to keep it moving in the direction he wanted.

The gaslighting cheater does the same. My husband has lead me further into debt with various methods, each one disguised to keep me following.

In the beginning he didn't have to dress that lowly ole carrot up too much. I had been a single mother who wore her kids shoes after they had outgrown them. I was perpetually five pounds under weight and let my kids eat first before I put anything on my plate.

A steady income, the ability to buy new shoes for my kids, pay all the bills on time was treat enough.

Then came the butter and glaze on that carrot. Extra money for a new car....one he wanted of course. Or maybe for someone in his family.  He talked me into taking out cash advances in order to buy something before the money came. The only problem was that once the money came in he was no longer interested in taking care of that debt. He had his eyes set on something else he wanted to buy or spend that money on.

It wasn't long before I was in more debt than I would ever be able to pay off on my own. So I chased that carrot, now dressed up with Hollandaise sauce with fantasies of taking that next windfall and paying off a credit card or fixing something in the house. Only that never happened.

There were different times when I considered jumping off of this runaway train but a few thousand in the bank didn't seem like enough to live on. Or the credit cards were so close to be paid off, or I was still dazzled by that darn carrot.

Now, thousands of dollars in debt, a bad housing market and economy and an old car on it's last gasp, that few thousand in the bank and a house I could have sold looks real good.

And I wonder, now that I have no credit value or cash value is it time for him to go dangle that carrot in front of another woman?

Until next time,

Jane

, Wedding Ring Blues Blue Jeans That IS

I do understand that some jobs and/or situations require my husband to take his wedding band off, working on the car...even at his work. What I DON'T understand is this:

If I had to take my wedding ring off for work, as soon as I left I would put it on. I feel odd without my ring on, though I do take it off at night, but to leave my house without it on is weird.

So, on the off chance he forgets to put it back on, as he says....he's in a hurry to leave, then why does he put it IN HIS POCKET when he gets dressed in the morning.

He leaves very early and it is dark. Since I've been staying in bed until after he leaves he puts the damn thing in his pocket and walks out the door.

Of course for 2 years now he has been forgetting to put it on as he leaves work. He stops at Best Buy, Lowes, for gas etc and prances about without his ring on.

For a few months he drove his corvette to work, back and forth 50 miles each way, without his ring on and his arm hanging out his window. (It was a 79 with no A/C).

His truck was acting up, I offered to let him take my car. Of course not (we're still talking 50 miles each way) better to take the chance on his truck not making it then to be seen in my car. May not fit in with whatever story he's telling 'someone.'

Until next time,

Jane

What A Boob

Remember when I said my husband, Mr Low Tech, suddenly want a smart phone?

Well, I have used my new smart phone to keep up with my business, marketing and promotion. It's also a great mini GPS, phone book and well, I don't need to tell all of you the uses.

Out of curiosity I looked at my husbands browser and of course he always deleted the history but just by accident I found out that if he uses the voice search, that history is visible with the search app.

What did I found out? It it weren't so pathetic it would be funny.

My 50 something husband uses his smart phone to search for "big boob pictures". He calls me to see where I am, if I am not home and as soon as he hangs up he does his favorite search. Because he uses the voice search I have visions of him sitting on the couch speaking into his phone, carefully enunciating "big boob pictures."

I Love A Man in Uniform

On the UpForIt, BeNaughty, Shagaholic sites as you look at the search page there are ads for their other sites. The newest ad is "Do you want to date a man in uniform?" With pictures of young, fit handsome men in uniforms.  UniformDating.com

Myself, I've always had a weakness for a man in uniform, present husband included. And since my husband was/is and always will be, a Marine I figured I would check and see if he succumbed to his ego and joined that site.

Well, he hadn't but I had to laugh out loud.

Think about it, the 60 something, balding, paunchy man next door, probably served four years in the Army or Navy when he was 18. But unless he was a career military man or special ops, you probably wouldn't know it to look at him.  In other words, the profile list was the same as the other sites.

Possibly if you search through the 20 year olds you will find men in uniform that look like they belong in a uniform.

A Rose is a Rose By Any Other Name

Here is one reason why it is important to periodically recheck a search on any dating site that you have found your spouse's dating profile.

On a certain group of sister sites my husband has used the same screen name with a variation on numbers following the name. But the other day when I checked one of the sites his profile was gone.

Did he have a stab of consciousness or decide to mend his ways?  NOT!!!  He had changed the screen name on his profile.

If I hadn't done a regular search I would have missed it.

Revenge on Cheating Spouse

I saw this article/video this morning. In itself it is interesting and I think many of us understand how this man felt when finding his wife on a dating site.

But what was even more interesting to me were the comments about the article. A lot of men commenting on having been cheated on and how hurt and betrayed they felt.

On my blog here, I get a lot of women readers and seekers as shown to me by my blogger stats. The search words and phrases that land people on my blog are searches about cheating husbands...even though I have cheating spouses as tag words on my entries.

And we all know that women cheat too, though I am guilty of seeing all men as potential cheaters. So it was a needed reminder for me to read about men having the same hurt feelings and betrayal as I have felt.

Never Enough Sex

I just published and answered a comment on one of my other posts. The man stated that those of us with cheating husbands are prudes and don't have enough sex with them.

If you read my response to this rude person I explained that my husband and I for years had plenty of sex every days. Hours of sex. Sex while watching pornography, sex in vehicles, sexy lingerie, all the blow jobs he ever wanted.

It wasn't until I found out he was being a jerk that I pulled back from  his sexually and even then not completely. If he asks, he gets it.

But a long time ago I stopped asking because I realized we had lots of sex....lots of sex, when and where and how he wanted it. The pornography we watched was always what he wanted to watch and the oral sex only went one direction. And during all that I was never kissed, or had my neck kissed or any of those things that make a woman respond with desire.


Cheating may be about not enough sex sometimes and I'm sure that if you asked my husband now he would say he doesn't get enough, but he can't recall that his actions are what caused me to not want to accommodate his every sexual desire.

I've seen ads on craigslist by men saying their wife doesn't have sex with them anymore and they are looking for someone to have sex with. One man talked about kisses and massages and oral sex.

I wanted to respond to them and say why don't you put some of that effort into your spouse and see if she doesn't respond.

Nuff said,

Until next time,

Jane

30 Days of Fun for One Low Price

Until recently to pay for access of Adult Friend Finder, or any of their other sites, which was the only way to be able to view someone's complete profile or interact with them,  was a decent chunk of change per month. But worth it if that's what you want.

But suppose you don't want that sort of recurring financial commitment?

Now you can pay $2.95 in order to see one members profile and have access to seeing it for 30 days.

It's called a "single profile view"

I was trying to see how the charge would be labeled, but can't find that information at this time.

I do have that information for some of the other sites, good to know. After all, who would be suspicious of a $3 charge on their husbands credit card or bank account?

Until next time,

Jane

The Other Woman, Cell Phone, Email

Some of you may know the feeling you got when you found your spouses other cell phone or email. That sinking energy draining feeling of falling.

I had forgotten that feeling, I had become complacent because I have to admit that I would miss my husband terribly if he were gone.

But it all came crushing down on my the other day. He asked me to do something for him on his computer....even gave me the sign in and password to a new email he had to make for a particular site (a non dating site). Before I sat down to do it for him I had an errand to run. The feeling that sank into my gut as I was running the errand drained me. I had forgotten how horrible I had felt the first time I found the dating email in his "other" email. The email he had for 6 months before I found out about it.

I have been living in a delusion. He's been so good lately. To my surprise he had given up a weekly opportunity that gave him a chance to be online privately. The time he had been using to check his dating profiles, or make new ones. He had bought me gifts I had really been wanting. He hadn't bought me gifts in years.

Sure, I had fallen in to the luke warm, brain numbing waters of denial. I had fallen willingly.

But those awful feelings I had while running that errand. Later I found out that the new email really was new...only hours old. But of course that doesn't change anything.

Where do I go with this? I don't know.

Until next time,

Jane