A few days ago I talked about leaving email addresses unattended and probably forgotten....but not gone.
At the beginning of this blog I mentioned how I found a piece of paper with multiple email addresses my husband had used with login information. With the exception of the earthlink account, all the others were still accessible.
As things have gone along those email accounts have come in handy. At present I am using 1 juno, 1 yahoo, 1 msn, 1 live and 2 aol email accounts as my own. This serves two purposes. Occasionally old dating site info comes in and I use them to sign up for different dating sites.
Until later,
Jane
Monday, December 19, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Hornymatches Who gets the most action?
On Hornymatches, you get two types of notification emails. One is a single view or message notification and periodically you get one one with a list of potential matches based on views to your profile.
With the one profile where I am a woman looking for a man I get daily single view notices, but with the profile where I am a couple looking for a woman I get almost daily multiple view notifications, hmmm, what does this say about the "looking for sex" population as a whole. Are there more swingers looking for unattached sex or singles.
Until next time or if I find the answer to the above question LOL,
Jane
With the one profile where I am a woman looking for a man I get daily single view notices, but with the profile where I am a couple looking for a woman I get almost daily multiple view notifications, hmmm, what does this say about the "looking for sex" population as a whole. Are there more swingers looking for unattached sex or singles.
Until next time or if I find the answer to the above question LOL,
Jane
Friday, December 16, 2011
Are You A Fun Guy or Girl?
Another short mention about some of the dating profiles I have seen, I need to mention one I have seen recently and what I am going to tell you.
For an online screen name you can be a fun guy or a fun girl but never a fun gal because it translates to this
"Fungal65".
LOL
Jane
For an online screen name you can be a fun guy or a fun girl but never a fun gal because it translates to this
"Fungal65".
LOL
Jane
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Do You Know What Your Email Address is Doing?
How many people have used an email account and then just let it go. Maybe, like my husband, you needed an "alternate" mode of communication and making contact, so you opened a Yahoo or Hotmail email, used it for 6 months or 2 years and for what ever reason left it unattended, unopened and eventually forgotten. From my experience Yahoo, Aol, Juno, Hotmail and MSN email accounts don't close themselves.
If you can recall your secret answer or still have access to the email that you used for sending password recovery information you can get back into and use an old email.
Usually, only emails that have been sent to it recently are still in the inbox. Messages from more than a few months ago are deleted. Contact information remains, but you need to be careful when you re-access the mail because sometimes you are asked questions and if you answer certain ways you retain more information, other wise you are starting fresh. Which is okay unless you are trying to find information as discussed in this blog.
Until next tine,
Jane
If you can recall your secret answer or still have access to the email that you used for sending password recovery information you can get back into and use an old email.
Usually, only emails that have been sent to it recently are still in the inbox. Messages from more than a few months ago are deleted. Contact information remains, but you need to be careful when you re-access the mail because sometimes you are asked questions and if you answer certain ways you retain more information, other wise you are starting fresh. Which is okay unless you are trying to find information as discussed in this blog.
Until next tine,
Jane
Monday, November 28, 2011
Too Good to Be True
I just read an online article about the possible signs of a cheating spouse and one of them was that the cheater was more attentive and nice to you. I've already mentioned how the summer of friendfinder (when my husband took out his profile on that site), he was extra ornery with me, very critical.
Now I find myself on the polar opposite and it makes me just as suspicious. He's attentive, affectionate in public, stealing kisses and the kicker is that he starts to get angry with me and stops mid sentence. I am talking about a very high strung angry person.
This is such an uncomfortable way to live, I keep looking at the line I've drawn in the sand, by this time next year I'll have made a decision and started to implement it. Until, then, it's like a chess game, I keep adjusting my pieces for action.
Until next time,
Jane
Now I find myself on the polar opposite and it makes me just as suspicious. He's attentive, affectionate in public, stealing kisses and the kicker is that he starts to get angry with me and stops mid sentence. I am talking about a very high strung angry person.
This is such an uncomfortable way to live, I keep looking at the line I've drawn in the sand, by this time next year I'll have made a decision and started to implement it. Until, then, it's like a chess game, I keep adjusting my pieces for action.
Until next time,
Jane
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Craigslist Personals and Other Online Ads
Craigslist.org. A lot has been said about their personal ads, but most people, who have never looked at them, don't realize that there are (or maybe by this time, 'there were') two types of personal or adult ads. One type was filled with professional escorts, strip clubs and the such and the other is what you would expect. What people called many years ago, "the lonely heart ads".
Basically, a man looking for a woman for romance, maybe more etc etc.
On craigslist and other online newspaper style ads, you can have a picture of yourself too.
Replying is done through an anonymous email remailer system, so you can stay safe, providing you don't email or post your private email or phone number.
As far as I am concerned with this blog, finding a spouse or significant other on this site can prove time consuming. Other than looking through all the ads in your area and any others close enough to be available play grounds for them, you would have to have access to their email and do an account search/forgot login.
One other site I have had experience with is Oodle.com. You can sell a boat, look for a piano or take out an ad in their personals. Same as criaglist, you would have to look through all the ads or have email access. Though with Oodle you can set up your own account and set up an alert. In other words, you will receive an email every time an ad is posted where the man or woman is 6 ft tall and Japanese, providing their are some distinguishing features of the person you suspect is cheating.
Until next time,
Jane
Basically, a man looking for a woman for romance, maybe more etc etc.
On craigslist and other online newspaper style ads, you can have a picture of yourself too.
Replying is done through an anonymous email remailer system, so you can stay safe, providing you don't email or post your private email or phone number.
As far as I am concerned with this blog, finding a spouse or significant other on this site can prove time consuming. Other than looking through all the ads in your area and any others close enough to be available play grounds for them, you would have to have access to their email and do an account search/forgot login.
One other site I have had experience with is Oodle.com. You can sell a boat, look for a piano or take out an ad in their personals. Same as criaglist, you would have to look through all the ads or have email access. Though with Oodle you can set up your own account and set up an alert. In other words, you will receive an email every time an ad is posted where the man or woman is 6 ft tall and Japanese, providing their are some distinguishing features of the person you suspect is cheating.
Until next time,
Jane
Monday, November 21, 2011
Find Your Friends Online
Just a quick tip for finding out if your mate is registered with a particular dating site.
If you have gone through the trouble of signing up with dating sites that you think your spouse may be on, there is one easy way to find out if they are on that site without having to sort through hundreds of profiles. On some of these sites they will occasionally ask you or have an option to "find your friends". All that is required is that you sign into your email account from their log in (I've had no security issues with this, though of course I am not using my personal email for this) and the site will scan your address book and tell you if any of those people have a profile.
Easy, as long as you have the right address in your email. For instance. I have my husbands new hotmail email in one of my address books but not his aol email and of course if he has more that I don't know about, I can't search them. The other consideration is your email provider. In hotmail, if you add a contact, they want to send that person an invitation...that won't work. But in Yahoo and Aol they don't.
Until next time,
Jane
If you have gone through the trouble of signing up with dating sites that you think your spouse may be on, there is one easy way to find out if they are on that site without having to sort through hundreds of profiles. On some of these sites they will occasionally ask you or have an option to "find your friends". All that is required is that you sign into your email account from their log in (I've had no security issues with this, though of course I am not using my personal email for this) and the site will scan your address book and tell you if any of those people have a profile.
Easy, as long as you have the right address in your email. For instance. I have my husbands new hotmail email in one of my address books but not his aol email and of course if he has more that I don't know about, I can't search them. The other consideration is your email provider. In hotmail, if you add a contact, they want to send that person an invitation...that won't work. But in Yahoo and Aol they don't.
Until next time,
Jane
Sunday, November 20, 2011
BBWPersonalsplus.com
There are two sides to this post, first I'm going to give a review of this site and the other is that after all this time I found a new "old" profile of my husband online.
Periodically I do a Google search for online dating or online sex personals and I go to the top recommended sites and do the profile searches I explained in my post about how to recover passwords and screen names from dating sites.
Because one day, not too long ago my husband asked me if I knew what BBW meant, I clicked on the site BBWPersonalsplus.com, which turns out to be part of the Spark network (on which he had an old profile on Americansingles.com). On the page for forgotten password, I entered his two present email addresses and the old one he used for most of his profiles and there it was, he had a profile from 2001. Long before I met him.
But what gets me is this, we have had several conversations about the subject and every time he says that he never did that and the sheer number of old profiles I have found negate the possibility he tried one out of curiosity, so he's a liar.
Sometimes, a friend will tell me to just ask him, or confront him and I tell them that he will only lie.
Back to BBW Personals Plus...the set up is exactly like American Singles with all the same restrictions.
Read yesterdays post to get those details.
Until next time,
Jane
Periodically I do a Google search for online dating or online sex personals and I go to the top recommended sites and do the profile searches I explained in my post about how to recover passwords and screen names from dating sites.
Because one day, not too long ago my husband asked me if I knew what BBW meant, I clicked on the site BBWPersonalsplus.com, which turns out to be part of the Spark network (on which he had an old profile on Americansingles.com). On the page for forgotten password, I entered his two present email addresses and the old one he used for most of his profiles and there it was, he had a profile from 2001. Long before I met him.
But what gets me is this, we have had several conversations about the subject and every time he says that he never did that and the sheer number of old profiles I have found negate the possibility he tried one out of curiosity, so he's a liar.
Sometimes, a friend will tell me to just ask him, or confront him and I tell them that he will only lie.
Back to BBW Personals Plus...the set up is exactly like American Singles with all the same restrictions.
Read yesterdays post to get those details.
Until next time,
Jane
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
American Singles
I don't think I've mentioned this one, it's part of the Spark Network of dating sites. American Singles which used to be american singles.com, but now is spark.com. Anyway, this was one of the first profiles I found. See my blog about how I found it. But at that time I didn't review the site.
I guessed the password and got right in, there was a picture of my husband...imagine my surprise. Still this was from about two years before we met. He had his physical stats and what he was looking for....nothing kinky but he does have a pattern.
With American Singles or Spark....you can do a search as a non paying member, and read messages but not reply. I didn't see any racy photos, I don't believe they are allowed. In fact if you don't have a picture you can't log in.
I got the impression there are a lot of foreign women (fake or real) that try to make contact. Though this is true on adult friend finder too and their sister sites.
Unfortunately because it was almost ten years ago that he used this site (makes you wonder what is wandering around about yourself on the internet indefinitely) I can't find out much about who he actually contacted. I can find out who he favorited and may have contacted but those members haven't been active for ten years either so there is no email or message trail.
Next time I will review one of Sparks sister sites.
Until then,
Jane
I guessed the password and got right in, there was a picture of my husband...imagine my surprise. Still this was from about two years before we met. He had his physical stats and what he was looking for....nothing kinky but he does have a pattern.
With American Singles or Spark....you can do a search as a non paying member, and read messages but not reply. I didn't see any racy photos, I don't believe they are allowed. In fact if you don't have a picture you can't log in.
I got the impression there are a lot of foreign women (fake or real) that try to make contact. Though this is true on adult friend finder too and their sister sites.
Unfortunately because it was almost ten years ago that he used this site (makes you wonder what is wandering around about yourself on the internet indefinitely) I can't find out much about who he actually contacted. I can find out who he favorited and may have contacted but those members haven't been active for ten years either so there is no email or message trail.
Next time I will review one of Sparks sister sites.
Until then,
Jane
Monday, November 14, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
A Picture is Worth A Thousand Dates
The online dating sites always tell you that a profile picture will get you more views and therefore more dates. The same is true for blogs...people like to see pictures and I often think of that as I type away a new post here, but then I have to chuckle. How much fun would that be to add into my blog some of the profile pictures I see, males and females showing their most private parts on line for anyone to look at. Really, think about it, posting a face photo is one thing. And as far as eHarmony or Match.com or one of the traditional dating sites, it's not so odd (unless of course you are married or otherwise attached) but to put even a picture of your face on a sex dating site is beyond me.
Which makes me wonder, I know the men do it and apparently don't care but for a woman to do it, seems a little far fetched, which brings me back around to wondering how many of those profiles are fake.
Until next time,
Jane
Which makes me wonder, I know the men do it and apparently don't care but for a woman to do it, seems a little far fetched, which brings me back around to wondering how many of those profiles are fake.
Until next time,
Jane
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Dr Jekyll is Hard to Hyde
What are those sayings?
"The truth will out."
"Water seeks it's own level"
and so forth. In other words eventually things will come out that someone is trying to hide.
When I first found the friendfinder profile that my husband had...this was in Spetember of last year and the profile was started that July. I thought about that summer and it had seemed like I couldn't do anything right...that old saying of "If I say black, he'll say white."
The first thought is that he was unhappy with me, thought I was stupid as he was apt to say and that's why he went online for a relationship. But actually, I think it was that he had to justify it somehow in his mind and so he picked on me. There is no way I am going to be responsible for him behaving badly.
Anyway, the last few months it's as if we had just gotten together...well somewhat. We have had a good time, lots of laughing like we were for the first four years of our relationship...before last summer in fact.
And no, I wasn't fooled, though I was enjoying it. Almost thinking, maybe I can live like this.
Now, this past week give or take a few days, he is going back to mean and nit-picking. So, as I have been hoping, this time I will be on the look out and not miss this part of his cycle as it comes around.
So we will see.
Until next time,
Jane
"The truth will out."
"Water seeks it's own level"
and so forth. In other words eventually things will come out that someone is trying to hide.
When I first found the friendfinder profile that my husband had...this was in Spetember of last year and the profile was started that July. I thought about that summer and it had seemed like I couldn't do anything right...that old saying of "If I say black, he'll say white."
The first thought is that he was unhappy with me, thought I was stupid as he was apt to say and that's why he went online for a relationship. But actually, I think it was that he had to justify it somehow in his mind and so he picked on me. There is no way I am going to be responsible for him behaving badly.
Anyway, the last few months it's as if we had just gotten together...well somewhat. We have had a good time, lots of laughing like we were for the first four years of our relationship...before last summer in fact.
And no, I wasn't fooled, though I was enjoying it. Almost thinking, maybe I can live like this.
Now, this past week give or take a few days, he is going back to mean and nit-picking. So, as I have been hoping, this time I will be on the look out and not miss this part of his cycle as it comes around.
So we will see.
Until next time,
Jane
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Keep a Low Profile
Okay, I have some "splannin" to do Lucy, for my absense....but for now let me give you men some advice.
When writing your dating profile do not use words like "hopelessly, lonely, oh yea and the overused and never believed "I'm new to this or I've never done this before".... even if by chance it is true, don't say so!!
Don't want to see you in your karate uniform (means your not as good as you think you are), nice car, but it doesn't mean I'll go out with you, skip your dog and when guys hold cats for profile pictures, the poor cats always look like hostages!
Why would anyone put a picture of themselves with another woman?!
One time I received a message from a man on friend finder and it was like a small novel...he went on and on about my profile and made it sund very personal to me, but then when I logged in as my 5 other profiles, there was that exact same message in those inboxes too. Very funny actually.
So there's a bit of advice because I'm sure I could think of more if I had time.
For now,
Jane
When writing your dating profile do not use words like "hopelessly, lonely, oh yea and the overused and never believed "I'm new to this or I've never done this before".... even if by chance it is true, don't say so!!
Don't want to see you in your karate uniform (means your not as good as you think you are), nice car, but it doesn't mean I'll go out with you, skip your dog and when guys hold cats for profile pictures, the poor cats always look like hostages!
Why would anyone put a picture of themselves with another woman?!
One time I received a message from a man on friend finder and it was like a small novel...he went on and on about my profile and made it sund very personal to me, but then when I logged in as my 5 other profiles, there was that exact same message in those inboxes too. Very funny actually.
So there's a bit of advice because I'm sure I could think of more if I had time.
For now,
Jane
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tracker Hacker
So I have a locating service on his cell phone. 99 % of the info I've gotten is that he is exactly where he is suppose to be when he is suppose to be there! In fact, there are even times when he could have hedged his time and told me he was still at work and been somewhere else for a half hour or or more and he didn't.
With one small exception and I don't know what to do with the info.
One day of the week he shoots off to work, gets there earlier than usual and for a half hour before he goes in to work he's parked in the parking lot (it's a very large lot) and here's the issue. He's parked for that period of time in a totally different area than he usually parks in. On a different side of the building than usual, where different people would park than normally park next to him. See where I'm going with this?
I suppose that next week I need to put something on the passenger seat of his vehicle and see if it is gone when he gets home. Maybe a small scrap of paper that would only be affected by someone getting in and out on that side. Something placed from the drivers side, so that it is between the passenger seat and the door and has to fall if the door is opened.
Until then,
Jane
With one small exception and I don't know what to do with the info.
One day of the week he shoots off to work, gets there earlier than usual and for a half hour before he goes in to work he's parked in the parking lot (it's a very large lot) and here's the issue. He's parked for that period of time in a totally different area than he usually parks in. On a different side of the building than usual, where different people would park than normally park next to him. See where I'm going with this?
I suppose that next week I need to put something on the passenger seat of his vehicle and see if it is gone when he gets home. Maybe a small scrap of paper that would only be affected by someone getting in and out on that side. Something placed from the drivers side, so that it is between the passenger seat and the door and has to fall if the door is opened.
Until then,
Jane
Friday, September 23, 2011
Shoulda Coulda Woulda
I ask myself at least once a day, "If I had plenty of money would I leave?" As someone looking on at my situation I would think the answer would be YES!! But looking at it from inside myself, really thinking about the possibility, Im not so sure. There are more reasons than just the online mess that would make me want to leave, but the one fact, the worst fact is that I really like being with him. I always have, it's been the main distinguishing feature of my relationship with him. I've never felt this way about anyone. I miss him when he's gone, it feels like he is part of me. For the first few years I felt as if I had met my other half.
On the other hand, I'm miserable and can't continue like this for long. I do have a fantasy about living somewhere by myself, doing the things I want to do, having my home the way I want it to be. I suppose I don't want to have to go through the inevitable amount of pain it will take to get from her to there, at least not by my initiation. Something more for me to really think about.
Jane
On the other hand, I'm miserable and can't continue like this for long. I do have a fantasy about living somewhere by myself, doing the things I want to do, having my home the way I want it to be. I suppose I don't want to have to go through the inevitable amount of pain it will take to get from her to there, at least not by my initiation. Something more for me to really think about.
Jane
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Coping with all the Emotions of the Online Affairs
As I stated at the beginning of this blog, my only credentials on this subject is that I am going through it, or so I think. In some ways what is going on doesn't seem so clear cut.
For instance, there have been several opportunities where my husband could have covered time... said he was still at work and be doing something else.
There have been no unexplained chunks of time, not even small chunks. How I know that is another post.
So, I decided to sort through some of the other blogs about this subject and founs a very good one, which I think I will revisit often.
<http://surviveyourpartnersaffair.com> by Jeff Murrah.
Today, since my last blog I mentioned just how furious I was feeling..not angry, but blood boiling furious, I found some posts about just that subject. Then it goes on to fear, both of course steps in the grieving process. Because yes, I am grieving because what I though I had for a marriage will never be there.
Back to Jeff Murrah blog. Here is the posts on anger.
For today,
Jane
For instance, there have been several opportunities where my husband could have covered time... said he was still at work and be doing something else.
There have been no unexplained chunks of time, not even small chunks. How I know that is another post.
So, I decided to sort through some of the other blogs about this subject and founs a very good one, which I think I will revisit often.
<http://surviveyourpartnersaffair.com> by Jeff Murrah.
Today, since my last blog I mentioned just how furious I was feeling..not angry, but blood boiling furious, I found some posts about just that subject. Then it goes on to fear, both of course steps in the grieving process. Because yes, I am grieving because what I though I had for a marriage will never be there.
Back to Jeff Murrah blog. Here is the posts on anger.
For today,
Jane
Monday, September 19, 2011
Adultery
I don't think enough can be said about the emotional impact on the cheated on spouse. My feelings are on a roller coaster. If you read previous posts you can see that at times I just tried to see the humor or stupidity in the online dating profiles I saw, other times I am confused, but lately I have been furious. To the point where I didn't think I could keep my mouth shut. It would take hours to calm down.
The last two days I think I have sunk into a depression and worst of all it seems as if my feelings toward him are changing.
I heard someone say once, you'll love them madly, hate them madly, but when there are no feelings is when you know it's over.
Don't know if that is where I am, but there is an emotional chasm opening up.
Jane
The last two days I think I have sunk into a depression and worst of all it seems as if my feelings toward him are changing.
I heard someone say once, you'll love them madly, hate them madly, but when there are no feelings is when you know it's over.
Don't know if that is where I am, but there is an emotional chasm opening up.
Jane
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Confront a Cheating Husband? Probably Not Yet
Since the last post I have gone round and round in my head....it's difficult not to say something...I already made one mistake. I logged in as one of his profiles and viewed his other one. I'm sure he hasn't noticed this yet.
There are a lot of things I need to take care of before I let this blow up in my face.
I found this put very well in an article I found. Here is the link, but the best section for me right now is the one titled "Suspicion Tends to Help Cheaters".
The last thing I want right now is for him to tunnel under ground and hide what he is doing. I know if I confront him right now with what I know he will lie and probably get mad and leave using the excuse that "if that's what you want to believe." I've heard it before. Anyway, I'm trying to keep my cool. Not very easy right now.
Until later,
Jane
There are a lot of things I need to take care of before I let this blow up in my face.
I found this put very well in an article I found. Here is the link, but the best section for me right now is the one titled "Suspicion Tends to Help Cheaters".
The last thing I want right now is for him to tunnel under ground and hide what he is doing. I know if I confront him right now with what I know he will lie and probably get mad and leave using the excuse that "if that's what you want to believe." I've heard it before. Anyway, I'm trying to keep my cool. Not very easy right now.
Until later,
Jane
Thursday, September 8, 2011
A Cheating Spouse Online Now
This wasn't the next post that I planned to write but circumstances dictate it.
Last week I had noticed things seemed awfully quiet on my husbands favorite (for now) online dating sites. (about 6 related sister sites). He works two days a week where he is able to be online and while I am at home I log in to the profiles I set up and look to see if he logs in.
Well, I had noticed a sudden lack of activity, so I thought maybe he had changed his hunting ground, but by a twist of fate, last night I found out the truth.
He was at work and I was logged in to all the sites with his screen name searched for and brought up....let's just call him "cheatingspouse2011" and for some reason, I though that maybe I should start the search fresh, plug in the age range and zip code (thankfully, I live in a relatively small city) and what do I find, but he has a new profile on the same sites......"cheatingspouse20111234".......he didn't even bother to change zip code, or any other details, except that now instead of being divorced looking for nothing serious, he is separated, looking for relationship and marriage.
Am I being fired?!! I was furious.....and really had to follow my own advice and not call and confront him and let myself simmer down. I did manage to log into one of the sites as his new alias and fought the temptation to upload a profile picture for him...namely of a donkeys ass!
So, once again I'm faced with the dichotomy of him and I getting along so well, I enjoy his company, he goes on and on how he loves me and how I better love him, but there he is pulling this crap. It feels like a major mind game. No matter how everything else seems about my life....I can only pretend for so long that the core isn't rotten. There are things I need to take care of before I can afford to say anything. I need to pay down my debt and wait on some family issues.
So for now,
Jane
Last week I had noticed things seemed awfully quiet on my husbands favorite (for now) online dating sites. (about 6 related sister sites). He works two days a week where he is able to be online and while I am at home I log in to the profiles I set up and look to see if he logs in.
Well, I had noticed a sudden lack of activity, so I thought maybe he had changed his hunting ground, but by a twist of fate, last night I found out the truth.
He was at work and I was logged in to all the sites with his screen name searched for and brought up....let's just call him "cheatingspouse2011" and for some reason, I though that maybe I should start the search fresh, plug in the age range and zip code (thankfully, I live in a relatively small city) and what do I find, but he has a new profile on the same sites......"cheatingspouse20111234".......he didn't even bother to change zip code, or any other details, except that now instead of being divorced looking for nothing serious, he is separated, looking for relationship and marriage.
Am I being fired?!! I was furious.....and really had to follow my own advice and not call and confront him and let myself simmer down. I did manage to log into one of the sites as his new alias and fought the temptation to upload a profile picture for him...namely of a donkeys ass!
So, once again I'm faced with the dichotomy of him and I getting along so well, I enjoy his company, he goes on and on how he loves me and how I better love him, but there he is pulling this crap. It feels like a major mind game. No matter how everything else seems about my life....I can only pretend for so long that the core isn't rotten. There are things I need to take care of before I can afford to say anything. I need to pay down my debt and wait on some family issues.
So for now,
Jane
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Are You Married to a Cheating Spouse?
How do you find a cheating husband? A lot of ways. Today, I'm going to talk about free online people searches.
First of all I want to mention that if you do searches using any of these search options today...you need to repeat them occasionally. Information changes and I found that new information, screen names, email addresses don't show up right away. Oh, and sometimes they don't show up at all. My husband has an extra email address....or two or three, and they don't show up using theses options.
The other caution I will mention is that sometimes these people searches combine information of two people. So don't make a rash decision based on what you find until you have done more fact finding.
In other words, these ideas are just options and what you find may send you in a direction to find out what you really need to know.
If you google people searches you will come up with probably all these sites I'm going to mention. Why do I bother mentioning them? Because using them is part of my story and I want to give you my personal experience with them.
there is 123people.com, wink, isearch, radaris, pipl and spokeo that I have used the most. And there is always good old whitepages.com, your basic online phone book.
Wink seems to base most of it's information on MyLife....which I know for a fact isn't always correct and you can't view the information anyway...unless of course you have a paid MyLife account.
123people.com gives you a lot of information for your search but obviously a lot of what you find is determined by the name you are searching for...how common is it...the size of the town or city and any other distinguishing details about a person. You can search by email, phone number etc.
I like Radaris...though it can be overwhelming it does give you a lot of information to go through.
I use Pipl.com and Spokeo.com a lot. Search for yourself and see how much information comes up (it's a good idea to do this periodically anyway) and see how accurate it is. Never correct anything by the links offered to you on any of the sites. A lot of the information these sites have are given to them...so don't make it easy for them to have your information.
One of the frustrations I experience is that a lot of the information returned is from social networking sites....and yes, I did find a myspace profile on my husband where he says he is single, but for the most part I'm hoping to find info on dating sites. I haven't found as of yet, a dating profile search engine. Though sometimes Google.com is the best way to go. google your spouses' email, screen name, even name plus location. I googled my husband friend finder profile name and came up with two hits.
The same as with the dating sites....using these search engines will give you information that can be ignored on other sites....screen names of other people come up here and you'll see them elsewhere. The same tip I gave you in a previous post.
Don't forget, if you have an experience I'd like to hear it and share the information or if you have a question you can send me a message and I'll answer it on my blog so everyone can benefit and you can remain anonymous.
Until then,
Jane
First of all I want to mention that if you do searches using any of these search options today...you need to repeat them occasionally. Information changes and I found that new information, screen names, email addresses don't show up right away. Oh, and sometimes they don't show up at all. My husband has an extra email address....or two or three, and they don't show up using theses options.
The other caution I will mention is that sometimes these people searches combine information of two people. So don't make a rash decision based on what you find until you have done more fact finding.
In other words, these ideas are just options and what you find may send you in a direction to find out what you really need to know.
If you google people searches you will come up with probably all these sites I'm going to mention. Why do I bother mentioning them? Because using them is part of my story and I want to give you my personal experience with them.
there is 123people.com, wink, isearch, radaris, pipl and spokeo that I have used the most. And there is always good old whitepages.com, your basic online phone book.
Wink seems to base most of it's information on MyLife....which I know for a fact isn't always correct and you can't view the information anyway...unless of course you have a paid MyLife account.
123people.com gives you a lot of information for your search but obviously a lot of what you find is determined by the name you are searching for...how common is it...the size of the town or city and any other distinguishing details about a person. You can search by email, phone number etc.
I like Radaris...though it can be overwhelming it does give you a lot of information to go through.
I use Pipl.com and Spokeo.com a lot. Search for yourself and see how much information comes up (it's a good idea to do this periodically anyway) and see how accurate it is. Never correct anything by the links offered to you on any of the sites. A lot of the information these sites have are given to them...so don't make it easy for them to have your information.
One of the frustrations I experience is that a lot of the information returned is from social networking sites....and yes, I did find a myspace profile on my husband where he says he is single, but for the most part I'm hoping to find info on dating sites. I haven't found as of yet, a dating profile search engine. Though sometimes Google.com is the best way to go. google your spouses' email, screen name, even name plus location. I googled my husband friend finder profile name and came up with two hits.
The same as with the dating sites....using these search engines will give you information that can be ignored on other sites....screen names of other people come up here and you'll see them elsewhere. The same tip I gave you in a previous post.
Don't forget, if you have an experience I'd like to hear it and share the information or if you have a question you can send me a message and I'll answer it on my blog so everyone can benefit and you can remain anonymous.
Until then,
Jane
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Where to Look for that Cheating Spouse
Okay, so you are 95% certain he or she is "looking for love" online and may have even found it. If you want to go the route of setting up your own profile in order to catch him and have that evidence in order to make your next move first you have to decide where to look for him.
If you have nothing to go on, no sneak peeks at a website or email, there are several places to start.
His email provider...they all have ads in their emails (with few exceptions) you've even seen them in your email. See which dating sites his email is promoting. Go to the browser he uses and search for
"online dating", "sex personals" etc and see what the top ten hits are....aim for the free ones first, unless you have credit card receipts with something suspicious on them.
Don't forget to check the ones you see advertised on T.V.
Then there is the matter of sister sites. If he is on AFF, they have at least a dozen sister sites, some more freebie oriented than others.
Until next time,
Jane
If you have nothing to go on, no sneak peeks at a website or email, there are several places to start.
His email provider...they all have ads in their emails (with few exceptions) you've even seen them in your email. See which dating sites his email is promoting. Go to the browser he uses and search for
"online dating", "sex personals" etc and see what the top ten hits are....aim for the free ones first, unless you have credit card receipts with something suspicious on them.
Don't forget to check the ones you see advertised on T.V.
Then there is the matter of sister sites. If he is on AFF, they have at least a dozen sister sites, some more freebie oriented than others.
Until next time,
Jane
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Adultfriendfinder Better for Men or Women
The past few days I've been doing a little experiment. I've logged in to adultfriendfinder as both my husbands profile and one I created as a woman.
As a man I've hotlisted and/or winked at over 60 women. Only two have browsed my profile, none have contacted or flirted with me and whenever I tried to contact one through the chat feature they were never available. But the oddest thing was that shortly after I hotlisted a woman it seemed that she logged in. Could be coincidence. I resorted to trying to interact to the women without profile pictures...it's always been my suspicion that the ones without a picture are more likely to be real.
Anyway, logged in as a woman I've been getting several views and messages a day......and as a woman I don't look at any male profiles and I certainly don't hotlist or flirt. If I log into the chat feature I'm bombarded with chat requests.....and no I don't have a picture. Hmmmm, I suppose that negates my theory about non picture profiles and possibly that is what is happening to the women I try to contact as a man...they are being bombarded, specially the ones with sexy pictures.
Thought I would share with you my experiment. I've always suspected that men were more likely to throw money at a shot at 'dating' a woman for sex than a woman would, so the dating sites use women's profiles to lure men in......give them enough to keep them interested but not enough to satisfy them so they are likely to shell out the money.
Oh well, until next time.
Jane
As a man I've hotlisted and/or winked at over 60 women. Only two have browsed my profile, none have contacted or flirted with me and whenever I tried to contact one through the chat feature they were never available. But the oddest thing was that shortly after I hotlisted a woman it seemed that she logged in. Could be coincidence. I resorted to trying to interact to the women without profile pictures...it's always been my suspicion that the ones without a picture are more likely to be real.
Anyway, logged in as a woman I've been getting several views and messages a day......and as a woman I don't look at any male profiles and I certainly don't hotlist or flirt. If I log into the chat feature I'm bombarded with chat requests.....and no I don't have a picture. Hmmmm, I suppose that negates my theory about non picture profiles and possibly that is what is happening to the women I try to contact as a man...they are being bombarded, specially the ones with sexy pictures.
Thought I would share with you my experiment. I've always suspected that men were more likely to throw money at a shot at 'dating' a woman for sex than a woman would, so the dating sites use women's profiles to lure men in......give them enough to keep them interested but not enough to satisfy them so they are likely to shell out the money.
Oh well, until next time.
Jane
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
10 Members Interested In You
Summer 2010, apparently my husband took out an online profile on Friendfinder.com. This will be the first one I found that he signed up for since he and I have been together. If you've read my other posts you will know that I found old, inactive profiles from two years before we met.
I had actually stopped looking......checking the traps I had set several years ago, but he accidently gave me the proof.
It was September 2010 and he asked me to help him with his email (not unusual, as savvy as he thinks he is, he misses the smallest details of online apps), he said he was having trouble logging in. He gave me a hotmail email (news to me). I asked why he had the new email...he said he was getting too much spam in his aol account....okay, I'll play along. So he gives me the log in and password. Hmmmm, jdell6606......his first initial, computer he uses and his favorite numbers...as explained in a previous post <http://isyourhusbandcheatingonyou.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-husband-has-left-trail-of-email.html>.
So I help him...his inbox, sent and trash are all squeaky clean.
A few days later he goes out of town on business (something he hasn't had to do in a few years so it was unexpected).
I know from previous experience that he doesn't have much chance to check his email the first few days on a job so I frequently check it myself. Sure enough, on the second day there's an email from Friendfinder.com stating that three members are interested in jdell6606. It's his information, no doubt, no picture though. As I look at all the information I see that he opened the account at the end of July. Suddenly the summer makes sense. He was annoyed with me all summer, I couldn't do anything right, he was argumentative and I was getting those check in phone calls when he worked overnight. You know the kind....they call out of the blue to see where you are and if there's any chance of you showing up. I won't make that mistake.....if he calls like that again, I'll say I'm busy and show up to see what he's hiding. Some people think the grumpy disposition is based on guilt but I think it was his way of convincing himself he didn't care for me or find me attractive.
Anyway, I printed out the information in case he went back in and deleted the account.
A few days after he came home I confronted him and his explanation was "I didn't open that account, they must have gotten his information from his aol account." Amazing, like a psychopath actually. And he stuck to his lie like glue. Funny, too because the information (including the user named based on his brand new email account) couldn't be gleaned from any of his online information.
So this is the first step in the chain of events that brought me to starting this blog.
Until next time,
Jane
I had actually stopped looking......checking the traps I had set several years ago, but he accidently gave me the proof.
It was September 2010 and he asked me to help him with his email (not unusual, as savvy as he thinks he is, he misses the smallest details of online apps), he said he was having trouble logging in. He gave me a hotmail email (news to me). I asked why he had the new email...he said he was getting too much spam in his aol account....okay, I'll play along. So he gives me the log in and password. Hmmmm, jdell6606......his first initial, computer he uses and his favorite numbers...as explained in a previous post <http://isyourhusbandcheatingonyou.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-husband-has-left-trail-of-email.html>.
So I help him...his inbox, sent and trash are all squeaky clean.
A few days later he goes out of town on business (something he hasn't had to do in a few years so it was unexpected).
I know from previous experience that he doesn't have much chance to check his email the first few days on a job so I frequently check it myself. Sure enough, on the second day there's an email from Friendfinder.com stating that three members are interested in jdell6606. It's his information, no doubt, no picture though. As I look at all the information I see that he opened the account at the end of July. Suddenly the summer makes sense. He was annoyed with me all summer, I couldn't do anything right, he was argumentative and I was getting those check in phone calls when he worked overnight. You know the kind....they call out of the blue to see where you are and if there's any chance of you showing up. I won't make that mistake.....if he calls like that again, I'll say I'm busy and show up to see what he's hiding. Some people think the grumpy disposition is based on guilt but I think it was his way of convincing himself he didn't care for me or find me attractive.
Anyway, I printed out the information in case he went back in and deleted the account.
A few days after he came home I confronted him and his explanation was "I didn't open that account, they must have gotten his information from his aol account." Amazing, like a psychopath actually. And he stuck to his lie like glue. Funny, too because the information (including the user named based on his brand new email account) couldn't be gleaned from any of his online information.
So this is the first step in the chain of events that brought me to starting this blog.
Until next time,
Jane
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
To Tell or Not to Tell
The age old questions: "If I know a friend's husband or wife is cheating, do I tell them?"
Since I have numerous, possibly dozens of online profiles in at least a dozen sites (no, they are not me or my stats....just bait for my husband....and yes, he has bitten....more about that later), I have wondered if I would see anyone I knew and it has happened. I have seen people I recognized from the area but I didn't actually know them or who they are....imagine how strange it was to be having a yard sale and look up to see a man I had seen on one of the sites!!
Anyway, I have seen a pathetic profile for a man that both my husband and I know, he is single, but knowing him, he's not a catch at all and seeing his picture....he's not attractive at all.....I'm talking "Larry, Daryl and Daryl" from the Newhart Show. But....good luck to him and who ever responds to him.
Then there is another man, both my husband and I know, that is married, but he states so in his profiles and I know that he and his wife have an 'open marriage', whatever that is.
But it still makes me wonder what I would do if confronted with that situation and would someone let me know if they knew about my husband.
Interestingly enough, last summer my cell phone rang and when I picked it up I heard a woman speaking....as if I had come in in the middle of the conversation. I thought it was a friend of mine and I started talking to her, saying her name.....it almost sounded like she was leaving a voice mail. I am from the generation of picking up a landline and interrupting someone as they were leaving a message and that is how this felt to me. So I paused for a minute in time to hear her say "I thought you should know" and she hung up. I checked incoming and missed calls....nothing and no voicemail. I realized it wasn't my friend and have never figured it out, even combing though my cell phone bill for incoming numbers.
The timing coincided with an online profile my husband had on friend finder, though I didn't know that until two months after the call.
Next post will be about that profile and how I found it and what I did.
Until then
Jane
Since I have numerous, possibly dozens of online profiles in at least a dozen sites (no, they are not me or my stats....just bait for my husband....and yes, he has bitten....more about that later), I have wondered if I would see anyone I knew and it has happened. I have seen people I recognized from the area but I didn't actually know them or who they are....imagine how strange it was to be having a yard sale and look up to see a man I had seen on one of the sites!!
Anyway, I have seen a pathetic profile for a man that both my husband and I know, he is single, but knowing him, he's not a catch at all and seeing his picture....he's not attractive at all.....I'm talking "Larry, Daryl and Daryl" from the Newhart Show. But....good luck to him and who ever responds to him.
Then there is another man, both my husband and I know, that is married, but he states so in his profiles and I know that he and his wife have an 'open marriage', whatever that is.
But it still makes me wonder what I would do if confronted with that situation and would someone let me know if they knew about my husband.
Interestingly enough, last summer my cell phone rang and when I picked it up I heard a woman speaking....as if I had come in in the middle of the conversation. I thought it was a friend of mine and I started talking to her, saying her name.....it almost sounded like she was leaving a voice mail. I am from the generation of picking up a landline and interrupting someone as they were leaving a message and that is how this felt to me. So I paused for a minute in time to hear her say "I thought you should know" and she hung up. I checked incoming and missed calls....nothing and no voicemail. I realized it wasn't my friend and have never figured it out, even combing though my cell phone bill for incoming numbers.
The timing coincided with an online profile my husband had on friend finder, though I didn't know that until two months after the call.
Next post will be about that profile and how I found it and what I did.
Until then
Jane
Monday, August 1, 2011
Fake Online Dating Profiles
A word about fake profiles....yes, I've created a few, but when creating a dating profile on any of the sites I have already mentioned or will mention in the future, a profile photo is optional. In it's place is an obviously male or female grey silhouette.
What I discovered the other day was the website http://www.digimarc.com. The reason I came across this was that I was trying to figure out how to put a watermark in a picture. What I found out was that with digimarc, you can put an electronic watermark in your photos and locate them online and see how they are being used. Which brings me to the reason I've gone techie for the moment. From what I have seen on these dating sites are photos, both head shots and nudes or partial nudes. Some of these seem to me to be fake profiles. Why I think they are fake I will go into later this week, but the bottom line is that there are fake profiles with profile pictures, which means someone's passport photo, graduation photo, resume pic or naughty photo is being used by someone else. Yes, there are people that put nude photos of themselves online...and that is their business but I'm positive that those photos are being used to spice up fake profiles.
If I were to use any sort of photo of myself online, I would certainly consider using digimarc.
Imagine, you are feeling bold and you take out a profile on Adult Friend Finder and post a sexy photo of yourself. You add the digimarc and by tracking that photo you can find out if it has been used to create a profile on another site, or is being posted on a porn site.
Better yet, if you are suspicious of your spouse, add digimarc to all digital photos and you can see if he or she has taken that great pic of the two of you, taken at your friend's wedding and cut you out in order to use it to get hook ups.
Also a good idea to make sure no weirdos are using your children's pics, innocuous as they may be.
What I discovered the other day was the website http://www.digimarc.com. The reason I came across this was that I was trying to figure out how to put a watermark in a picture. What I found out was that with digimarc, you can put an electronic watermark in your photos and locate them online and see how they are being used. Which brings me to the reason I've gone techie for the moment. From what I have seen on these dating sites are photos, both head shots and nudes or partial nudes. Some of these seem to me to be fake profiles. Why I think they are fake I will go into later this week, but the bottom line is that there are fake profiles with profile pictures, which means someone's passport photo, graduation photo, resume pic or naughty photo is being used by someone else. Yes, there are people that put nude photos of themselves online...and that is their business but I'm positive that those photos are being used to spice up fake profiles.
If I were to use any sort of photo of myself online, I would certainly consider using digimarc.
Imagine, you are feeling bold and you take out a profile on Adult Friend Finder and post a sexy photo of yourself. You add the digimarc and by tracking that photo you can find out if it has been used to create a profile on another site, or is being posted on a porn site.
Better yet, if you are suspicious of your spouse, add digimarc to all digital photos and you can see if he or she has taken that great pic of the two of you, taken at your friend's wedding and cut you out in order to use it to get hook ups.
Also a good idea to make sure no weirdos are using your children's pics, innocuous as they may be.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Forgive a Cheating Husband?
I know I've been trying to look at some of the humorous aspects of this subject, but sometimes I get really down thinking about certain facts about my situation. While I can't be certain whether or not he has actually cheated on me, I know for a fact that he has taken out online dating profiles or ads and as I have already explained the ones from before we met can't be held against him but they speak volumes about him.
The ones from the past year and a half, he hasn't been into for a month or so. A few months ago he told me he wasn't checking them but I know for a fact he was, though there were no communications between him and anyone on them.
So, lately he hasn't even been checking his email which makes me nervous. Why? Because, if he's not acting out in that way, what is he doing? There are no unexplained blocks of time, so I think he's not doing anything (as he has done in the past) but this will last another month, a few months? I don't know.
This has happened before, only I don't know how many times we have gone through this cycle, since I wasn't aware of all of this, I don't know all of the steps, the lengths of time or anything to expect.
See my other entry about this same topic.
Before when he would cycle, I didn't have enough to go on to see the next wave coming, but that's what I'm hoping will be different this time. I have drawn a line in the sand......if he starts any more online window shopping, that's it.
This week I want to get back to searching for someone online, what I have done personaly and get back to reviewing more of the dating sites.
Until tomorrow,
Jane
The ones from the past year and a half, he hasn't been into for a month or so. A few months ago he told me he wasn't checking them but I know for a fact he was, though there were no communications between him and anyone on them.
So, lately he hasn't even been checking his email which makes me nervous. Why? Because, if he's not acting out in that way, what is he doing? There are no unexplained blocks of time, so I think he's not doing anything (as he has done in the past) but this will last another month, a few months? I don't know.
This has happened before, only I don't know how many times we have gone through this cycle, since I wasn't aware of all of this, I don't know all of the steps, the lengths of time or anything to expect.
See my other entry about this same topic.
Before when he would cycle, I didn't have enough to go on to see the next wave coming, but that's what I'm hoping will be different this time. I have drawn a line in the sand......if he starts any more online window shopping, that's it.
This week I want to get back to searching for someone online, what I have done personaly and get back to reviewing more of the dating sites.
Until tomorrow,
Jane
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
I Want to Date A Senior
I could spend hours here telling you about the funny (at least to me) profiles I see online, the differences between the male and female profiles and what (I think) works and doesn't work.
But this morning I'm going to talk about one I saw....I don't want to use actual screen names (in order to protect the 'innocent')...yeah right.
Anyway...the made up screen name is WildBill5040. Bill is 57 years old and chooses to have as he main profile picture, a picture of himself in a golf cart. Okay, so it's a fancy green golf cart, but a golf cart all the same and to anyone under 50 years old and possibly to those over 50 too.....golf cart spells old fart.
Then, I look at his profile and there's the picture of himself in his golf cart and there's a second picture. I click on it and it's a close up of his....you guessed it...his "stick shift"....nothing else, except enough to see that he has a flat stomach. Amazing flat for a man his age come to think of it which makes me wonder.
That's all for today,
Jane
But this morning I'm going to talk about one I saw....I don't want to use actual screen names (in order to protect the 'innocent')...yeah right.
Anyway...the made up screen name is WildBill5040. Bill is 57 years old and chooses to have as he main profile picture, a picture of himself in a golf cart. Okay, so it's a fancy green golf cart, but a golf cart all the same and to anyone under 50 years old and possibly to those over 50 too.....golf cart spells old fart.
Then, I look at his profile and there's the picture of himself in his golf cart and there's a second picture. I click on it and it's a close up of his....you guessed it...his "stick shift"....nothing else, except enough to see that he has a flat stomach. Amazing flat for a man his age come to think of it which makes me wonder.
That's all for today,
Jane
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Adios Amigo or "That's Spanish for Adult FriendFinder"
This review/observation on the adult friendfinder sites will be about the rest of the alternate sites. That includes Amigos, French friendfinder, German, Asia, Italian,Portuguese etc....you get the idea. There are also Senior, BigChurch, Gay, Grad and MillionaireMate....how honest do you think those men are because in my experience women lie or hedge about who they are, their weight, age, whereas men lie/hedge about their accomplishments, income and job/military experience.
I have never checked out the Millionairemate site and there is this: I can see my husband putting his profile on their and stretching the truth about his income. Hmmm.
I've been on Amigos.com Senior and BigChurch...all of them similar to AFF. In my experience if you want to be able to make a genuine hook up without too many constraints, I would opt for friendfinder.
Maybe I'll check out Millionaire. I'll let you know.
Have a good weekend,
Jane
I have never checked out the Millionairemate site and there is this: I can see my husband putting his profile on their and stretching the truth about his income. Hmmm.
I've been on Amigos.com Senior and BigChurch...all of them similar to AFF. In my experience if you want to be able to make a genuine hook up without too many constraints, I would opt for friendfinder.
Maybe I'll check out Millionaire. I'll let you know.
Have a good weekend,
Jane
Friday, July 15, 2011
My Husband is Cheating Online....or at least he was.
I don’t like living like this, but look at the time spent going over what happened as an opportunity to exam what happened, what my part was and what I would do differently and hopefully by posting all of this will save someone else many steps of process if they find themselves in a similar situation.
Anyway, back to what happened to me.
I received an email at the 101@aol account that his account with Lovehappens was about to close. I took the opportunity to log in and look at his profile before the site shut down. It also gave me something else to go by. Apparently at that time he was on the dating or looking for love sites, as I call them, as opposed to booty call/sex hook up sites.
Around the same time an email came in that SmithJ92 had received a message at American Singles. Another profile......slightly different profile or screen name but basically looking for the same thing, same type of women.
Hmmm, I can't say I fit the discription. Oh well, I fell in love with him but if I had been asked what my ideal man looked like before I met him, the physical description wouldn't have fit him either. If anything I am a much closer fit to what he was looking for than he is to what I would have said was my ideal.
And as with the AFF profile these two 'new' ones were from about the same time period, before we met.
But if I had known he was prone to online excursions (because these were done while he was still married to his ex) I never would have gone out with him the first time.
Next week I will post a mix of what happened between us and how things were revealed to me and some reviews of more on the dating sites along with some amusing looks at what men seem to think women are looking for on these sites.
Until tomorrow,
Jane
Friday, July 8, 2011
Alt.com The Hardcore alternative to Adult Friend Finder
Not that I thought my husband would have a profile on alt.com, but then again you never know, so here is a brief review/opinion on Alt. com, an alternative lifestyle dating, hookup site.
Sign up and the basic format runs the same as AFF with the main difference in the hook up choices and search options. Instead of just searching for a man, or even a couple, you can search based on dominance, fetish and more. Things I didn't even know about. Though the same applies to a standard, read that 'non paying' member, you have only limited access to the profile information, see my entry on AFF. But if this is where your interests are then instead of spending time on other sites pretending to look for "Ms Right" it may even be worth it to pay the membership fee (there are several options) and find a fetish friend.
Until next time
Jane
Sign up and the basic format runs the same as AFF with the main difference in the hook up choices and search options. Instead of just searching for a man, or even a couple, you can search based on dominance, fetish and more. Things I didn't even know about. Though the same applies to a standard, read that 'non paying' member, you have only limited access to the profile information, see my entry on AFF. But if this is where your interests are then instead of spending time on other sites pretending to look for "Ms Right" it may even be worth it to pay the membership fee (there are several options) and find a fetish friend.
Until next time
Jane
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Adult Friend Finder Online.......or Not
One last thought about Adult Friend Finder. When someone is online, logged in, it says "Online Now!" in vivid green letters just under their main stats.
But here is the kicker, if you are logged in and then log off, it continues to say that you are "Online Now".
Last I tested it I had to leave the house at 46 minutes and a profile that I had logged in as and logged back off from still stated that it was online. Soon I will have to test it again to see just how long it stays on.
This could be a way for the site to give the impression of more activity then there actually is or just a computer quirk. Either way this feature can work for or against you.
Until tomorrow,
Jane
But here is the kicker, if you are logged in and then log off, it continues to say that you are "Online Now".
Last I tested it I had to leave the house at 46 minutes and a profile that I had logged in as and logged back off from still stated that it was online. Soon I will have to test it again to see just how long it stays on.
This could be a way for the site to give the impression of more activity then there actually is or just a computer quirk. Either way this feature can work for or against you.
Until tomorrow,
Jane
Life on Adult Friend Finder
There is a lot I have learned from this experience and some of that is information about the different online dating sites......so in some respects this can be considered a review of Adult Friend Finder.
Adult Friend Finder has quite a few sister sites, several of which I will also 'review' as I go along, but I will tell you this now, they are not all the same so don't assume that what I tell you about AFF stands for the others. Some of the affiliate sites are easier to post and contact on.
Okay, first of all, sign up is easy, you need a valid email address....one that hasn't been used for this site before and a few minutes to use the pull down options to add your physical stats, height, weight, hair color etc. You will be asked for a screen name....it may take a few tries in case YoungNSexy1965 has already been taken.
Then you need to fill out a short paragraph about yourself and another about the type of mate you are searching for. The site sends a confirmation email you need to activate, pretty much like signing up for a new email account, nothing tricky except making sure your write up will catch someones eye.
There is also a point where you can upload a photo or several. On AFF you can have a photo with nudity (I will get into some of what I have seen, what I personally think works and doesn't work for men and women, on another post).
Many sites encourage you to post a picture of yourself holding a sign with your screen name written on it, this ensures that you are real. Which if you are suing these sites for a hook up, you may want to look for and avoid those photos that look amazing like someone famous. Though, some sites will scan the photos and reject them if they are public domain or on the internet, AFF is one of those sites. Not to say you can't slip something by them.....
Once you have confirmed your profile you can search, the search options allow you to make an age span choice, gender choice (yes, on AFF you can even be a couple searching for a man or a woman or search for a couple yourself). This isn't allowed on all of their sister sites. What you are looking for, including threesomes, bondage etc. You chose a state and zip, then finally, if you are only a standard member, you can chose to search through only standard contacts or Gold and Silver, which if you are serious is probably a better way to make a contact for reasons I'll mention soon. If you are a paying member you have many more search options.
The search will bring up members in that zip code and if it's a small selection will also show profiles for surrounding areas, but it seems to me that expanded search never goes north of my location, only south, east and west. That seems to be true on a lot of sites.
It used to be the search would only give you those in that zip and that was all but it has expanded which is better.
A gallery list of profiles will fill the page, which by the way, show one photo or a shadow profile if no pic was uploaded, the screen name, age, last visit, and a star rating, 1 to 5, for compatibility. This is determined by what you fill out in your search parameters, or cupid (oops, sorry, now it's 'dove') preferences.
If you click on one it takes you to an upgrade and pay page, but if you just scroll your curser over the picture you can get more information, but not of it.
Under each profile are options to send a flirt, call, add to your hotlist, email, or invite as a friend. Unless you are a paying member you can forget about contacting my email r calling. But when they login they will see that you browsed their profile and if you do so multiple times it shows that too, so don't look desperate, it's a turn off. Then if they are a paying member they can send you a message.
You will receive an email saying someone has sent you a message and a list or partial list of those who have browsed your profile.
There is a lot more to this site, chatting, movies etc....and I don't know if you actually pay how well it pans out....will welcome and post comments from anyone who has paid.
But the bottom line is for myself it gave me a pretty good option for searching for my husbands profile.
Oh, one last thing, because I have logged in through my husbands old profile, as a woman you have a little more leeway in how much you can do for free.
Until next time,
Jane
Adult Friend Finder has quite a few sister sites, several of which I will also 'review' as I go along, but I will tell you this now, they are not all the same so don't assume that what I tell you about AFF stands for the others. Some of the affiliate sites are easier to post and contact on.
Okay, first of all, sign up is easy, you need a valid email address....one that hasn't been used for this site before and a few minutes to use the pull down options to add your physical stats, height, weight, hair color etc. You will be asked for a screen name....it may take a few tries in case YoungNSexy1965 has already been taken.
Then you need to fill out a short paragraph about yourself and another about the type of mate you are searching for. The site sends a confirmation email you need to activate, pretty much like signing up for a new email account, nothing tricky except making sure your write up will catch someones eye.
There is also a point where you can upload a photo or several. On AFF you can have a photo with nudity (I will get into some of what I have seen, what I personally think works and doesn't work for men and women, on another post).
Many sites encourage you to post a picture of yourself holding a sign with your screen name written on it, this ensures that you are real. Which if you are suing these sites for a hook up, you may want to look for and avoid those photos that look amazing like someone famous. Though, some sites will scan the photos and reject them if they are public domain or on the internet, AFF is one of those sites. Not to say you can't slip something by them.....
Once you have confirmed your profile you can search, the search options allow you to make an age span choice, gender choice (yes, on AFF you can even be a couple searching for a man or a woman or search for a couple yourself). This isn't allowed on all of their sister sites. What you are looking for, including threesomes, bondage etc. You chose a state and zip, then finally, if you are only a standard member, you can chose to search through only standard contacts or Gold and Silver, which if you are serious is probably a better way to make a contact for reasons I'll mention soon. If you are a paying member you have many more search options.
The search will bring up members in that zip code and if it's a small selection will also show profiles for surrounding areas, but it seems to me that expanded search never goes north of my location, only south, east and west. That seems to be true on a lot of sites.
It used to be the search would only give you those in that zip and that was all but it has expanded which is better.
A gallery list of profiles will fill the page, which by the way, show one photo or a shadow profile if no pic was uploaded, the screen name, age, last visit, and a star rating, 1 to 5, for compatibility. This is determined by what you fill out in your search parameters, or cupid (oops, sorry, now it's 'dove') preferences.
If you click on one it takes you to an upgrade and pay page, but if you just scroll your curser over the picture you can get more information, but not of it.
Under each profile are options to send a flirt, call, add to your hotlist, email, or invite as a friend. Unless you are a paying member you can forget about contacting my email r calling. But when they login they will see that you browsed their profile and if you do so multiple times it shows that too, so don't look desperate, it's a turn off. Then if they are a paying member they can send you a message.
You will receive an email saying someone has sent you a message and a list or partial list of those who have browsed your profile.
There is a lot more to this site, chatting, movies etc....and I don't know if you actually pay how well it pans out....will welcome and post comments from anyone who has paid.
But the bottom line is for myself it gave me a pretty good option for searching for my husbands profile.
Oh, one last thing, because I have logged in through my husbands old profile, as a woman you have a little more leeway in how much you can do for free.
Until next time,
Jane
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Password from Adult Friend Finder
So once I had access to his old email accounts, I would periodically check them and nothing new ever came into them except for the occasional offer by the provider. I wasn’t sure why I kept up the checks but I remembered something he had told me (see a lot of what I learned
I learned from him) he told me that a man that communicates with a woman periodically is basically checking his traps….like a lobster fisherman….you set the traps and check every so often and sooner or later you will snag something.
That’s exactly what happened. We were working out of town and we had a few extra computers. One of the men working for us needed a computer and my husband sold him one of our extra ones for a good price. A day or two later “John” asked me if I could help him with the internet. Sure I said…..the upshot was that when I looked at his Internet Explorer toolbar…he had extra toolbars enabled, one was the aol and it said new mail for jsmith101. Hmmm I thought. Anyway I helped John in just a few minutes and as soon as I was alone back in our hotel room I went to Aol because I recognized that address as one of the ones on the list and I figured my husband must have been into it on that computer.
There wasn’t anything in the email but when I went to AFF to ask for a lost password, where previously it said no account in that email suddenly it was sending the password to the email address.
BTW, I learned to first ask to have a password sent to my own address to see if they say no such account or will send email with or without password, that way I know if it’s safe to query my husbands present address.
Back to AFF. Sure enough login information was sent and within minutes I was looking
at a profile from August of 2004, location a suburb in Atlanta, Ga.
I've also learned not to react to that rush of adrenaline and reveal my hand. Wait for it to pass and think about the best thing to do.
The profile was from before we had even met, so I didn't mention it to him, instead I used it for information. What was his title, did he give he actual physical stats (he did), no photo, and just what was he trolling for on Adult Friend Finder.
I'll get into that tomorrow.
Jane
Friday, June 24, 2011
My Husband Has Left a Trail of Email Addresses Across the Net
One of the next things that happened was I found a wade of paper he had tossed away, but what caught m eye was a piece on the top wth a partial email address on it. When I looked at the paper it had about 5 email addresses, all belonging to my husband.
They were: fictionalized of course:
jsmith6606@yahoo.com
jsmith6606@juno.com
jsmith6606@aol.com
jsmith6606@msn.com
and the oddball jsmith101@aol.com
As Judge Judy says in her book, “Beauty Fades and Dumb is Forever“ a collection of information is good, so I copied them down and kept them.
It wasn’t too long after that that we were working out of town……..
Myself I didn’t work directly for the client but in a co-ordinator-gopher capacity. At the end of the shift I would go to the site and had been instructed by him to always park in a particular area of the parking lot. In the office that he occupied with his partner they had security cameras set up, and one was trained on the area where I parked. One day I backed into the designated spot and walked in the building, down the hall and into the office. He was sitting at the desk with his laptop on and seemed engrossed and slightly amused. When he glanced up, did a double take and saw me walking in, I saw panic on his face. Then as I put my purse down on the floor next to his desk and went to take my usual seat he stood up and bummed rushed me out of the office and paraded me through a series of other offices with some cockamamie story. Then he told me to go out and wait in the car….he wouldn’t even let me get my purse. Hello!!!
So I got suspicious and when I was alone in our hotel room I started researching online personal sites. I quickly discovered that it you went to the forgotten password page I could enter his email address and find out if he even had an account (it’s not necessarily the same these days). Then I recalled the list of email addresses.
I went to the different providers and plugged in the addresses. In two of the cases he had written down the password. In the other few cases I guessed the password based on experience. In a matter of miuntes I was into one, juno, 2 aol, 1 yahoo and 1 msn email accounts.
Only two of them had any contact info left in them and if I had it to do over I would have gone into them differently and possibly would have been able to retrieve more information. But that's another post.
Until next time,
Jane
Monday, June 20, 2011
The Cycle of Infidelity
Within the first part of out relationship we were hashing out some of the issues that plague people of our age that have been previously married so while there was a shift in our relationship (that 100% trust of mine became guarded, but my affections only grew, bad combination.)
When he was’t out of town we were almost always together and live in a small town. I began to feel like as long as he was where I could see him……
Then he started working exclusively for one company which I had also worked for in a different capacity so I was able to go on those assignments and from those he started his own company and I always went. Gone was the "he’s out of town insecurities," but things didn’t stop.
And as with other problems and abuse it cycled and as I have already mentioned when we are in a good cycle or at least what I perceive of as a clean time when he’s not looking around, things are great and I wonder if maybe I was imagining things.
Have you ever put poison on an ant hill and it disappears only to show up somewhere else? Well that is one of the stages of the cycle. I’m pretty sure I’m on one or two steps behind him and then nothing. No activity, he seems like the paragone of virtue and it’s at this point that I wonder several things.
1. Was I imaging it?
2. Did he decide he couldn’t go through with it?
3. Or the most likely one, did he sense that I was suspicious whether or not he knew how much I had figured out or not is up for debate.
By the way...we have just eased into this part of the cycle only this time instead of comforted I am increasingly annoyed and frustrated. More and more I feel like if I have to feel this way at all for any reason it's just not worth it. We'll see.
Friday, June 17, 2011
How to search for your husband's online dating profile screen name.
If you believe your husband has online profiles you have to search for it in several ways.
I'll use my husband as an example.
I knew from when we first met that he used a portion of his name and initials in addition to a certain 4 number combination for email I.D.s.
As I accidentally found out about the first profile (which I will get back to the back story of how I found actual profiles on the next few posts) I realized he used the same initial/name combo in addition to numerical combinations which referenced important dates in his life. These were fairly easy to search for with the added combination of those dates and a word for something he was, say for ex: an Air Force Airman Basic...his profile would be "Airman0675", or even in one case 75Airman, a bit tougher to search for.
The other way he has slipped by is by using screen names that reference his computer, try Blkcr0678 on for size for Black Acer and his favorite numbers.
Anyway....I need to get back to how all of this has progressed to bring me to this point where I have so much information on the subject. As I mentioned above, back to the back story starting next week.
As always,
Jane
I'll use my husband as an example.
I knew from when we first met that he used a portion of his name and initials in addition to a certain 4 number combination for email I.D.s.
As I accidentally found out about the first profile (which I will get back to the back story of how I found actual profiles on the next few posts) I realized he used the same initial/name combo in addition to numerical combinations which referenced important dates in his life. These were fairly easy to search for with the added combination of those dates and a word for something he was, say for ex: an Air Force Airman Basic...his profile would be "Airman0675", or even in one case 75Airman, a bit tougher to search for.
The other way he has slipped by is by using screen names that reference his computer, try Blkcr0678 on for size for Black Acer and his favorite numbers.
Anyway....I need to get back to how all of this has progressed to bring me to this point where I have so much information on the subject. As I mentioned above, back to the back story starting next week.
As always,
Jane
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Searching Online Dating Profiles
My husband has several online dating profiles.
Here’s a tip.
If you decide to go the route of setting up your own profile in order to “watch” what he is doing, you may end up with profiles on sites that come in your email as references from sites you and your husband are already on.
If you decide to expand your net and sign on to these sites, as initially time consuming as it may seem, it is in my experience, a good idea to check ALL notifications you receive.
Here’s the situation: Most dating sites will send you an email “notification” that someone has browsed your profile, winked, flirted, hotlisted your profile, or sent you a message.
Since it’s possible that you don’t yet know your husbands profile name you need to look at all the profiles that interact with yours.
So you click on the login button and see that “LovesSking477” has winked at you and you know that your husband has never seen a ski in his life, so you can pretty well say to yourself “well that’s not my husband.”
Here’s the tip: look at the profile anyway….it will save you time in the future. “LovesSking477” picture and stats assure you it can’t be your man, but a few days later you are on AFF and you see “LovesSking477 and they don’t have a picture on their profile. Because you already checked them out on the first site you save that step here.
Spending a few minutes here and there, checking the notifications and “new members” will keep you current, save you time and prevent a possible ‘miss’ should your husband set up a profile on an additional site. In one case, I had set up a profile on FF, stopped paying attention to it and bam! Two years later my husband is browsing that profile with his new screen name based on his present computer brand. (I didn’t catch it at first because I didn’t keep up on the new members and notifications and only looked at the list view and didn’t check stats.)
What profile name will he use? Check my next post.
Monday, June 13, 2011
My husband has an online dating profile.
First a quick mention of my relationship with my husband. He was completely unlike any man I have ever been involved with, he’s very manly, assertive and a bit...okay a lot dangerous., Other men have great respect and fear of him, yet he’s funny, smart, attractive and I felt with him that feeling I had totally given up on ever feeling, that I had decided was a thing of fiction AND I completely trusted him.
Even after five years he still made me weak in the knees. If any of you have ever read any of Janet Evanivich’ books, he’s a mix of Morelli and Ranger without the sensitive understanding traits.
I’ve been trying to remember when I first thought something was wrong, he was working out of town (which he did sometimes for long stretches, and yes I knew it was legitamate), and I received in the mail the statement for a pre-paid credit card he has (and had long before I met him), there was a charge on there for Adult Friend Finder. Because I couldn’t call him right then, I called the number on the charge and they confirmed that the account was opened in his email account. Okay, I’m going to put in (fictionalized of course) email accounts, because the information does become key as we go along.
The email was jsmith6606 (the numbers referring to the year and month he was born).
I was totally blown away, I was upset, crying and felt betrayed.
Before I was able to talk to him, I went to his email account for which I had the password, though I never went in to it. Of course the password had been changed. SO I went to Adult Friend Finder and opened an account….as I was to find out, most sites allow women to join for free and we have access to many more features than the male account holders.
Anyway, at this point I don’t recall if I searched the male profiles in the state I live in or the state he was working in…now I would know exactly what to do, but at that time and as upset and thrown off balance by the situation I don’t think I was very affective in my search.
When I finally got in touch with him he told me one of the guys who was on the job with him didn’t have a credit card and wanted to open an account.
Without going into details…..with the work he did and the type of men he worked with this is entirely believable. And at the time because I didn’t find any profiles that fit his physical description I chose to believe him and a few days later when I went to AFF and did an account password recovery it said no account for that email.
It used to work like this…you went to their login page, forgot password and entered the email the account was opened under, if there was no account for that email that was the response, otherwise it said “password sent to jsmith6606.” Since then things have changed for most of these sites.
As I go along I will follow the progression of my relationship and suspicions and will also give you a lot of information on these online sites and if you are single and have a good reason to put your profile on one of them, maybe my experiences will help you pick the one best suited for you.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Prologue to A Blog
Basically this blog is the dark side of my marriage where I suspect my husband has periodically been “up to something” but haven’t been able to pin it down, Has he cheated, has he just toyed with the idea? I’ll talk about what has happened and what I have done with my suspcsions. Maybe some of you out there will relate. Maybe in all this I will give some of you information from my experience that will help you in yours. I have learned how to get on and search the online dating sites, the ones with the easiest to navigate search options and the best way I have found to search. I will tell you about the types of men I have come across on these sites and how the profiles seem to run. No, I haven’t connected with any of them because I’m only looking for one man on them, my husband.
Some of you are gong to want to smack me on top of my head and say “Wake up!” because some of this will seem so obvious to you. And I say, it’s always easier being on the outside looking in, when you’re in the situation it’s entirely different.
I’ve gone back and forth about doing this blog but in the end thought it might help me organize my thoughts. When things seem okay or even good I wonder if I was imagining things or maybe there was some explanation, but of coarse there isn’t. I’m bound up by circumstances and a lack of “in your face” proof. It reminds me of a story.
About twenty years ago or more, I lived in an older home in a mid western state…it was getting cold outside. I had a large orange cat. I walked into the old style farmhouse kitchen, he was lying on the kitchen floor and as I watched, a small mouse ran from behind the back door to the back of the refrigerator. I stood their with my mouth open as my cat glanced over his shoulder with a stupefied expression like “Huh, did I miss something?” I think of that cat often because that’s how I have felt about this, like I just missed it, more of a feeling than a fact, until recently.
But I have found some proof, not on infidelity but of online profiles. I will share more on Monday.
Jane
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Is Your Husband Cheating on You?
There are numerous ways for a man to cheat online.
I am starting this blog to explore the various ways a man can cheat. Of course all this applies to women too, but I am sticking to my point of view. The reason for that, I will explain in my next post.
Yes, I have had experience with this, though I'm not going to write about how I survived infidelity, or why a man may cheat. No, instead I'm going to chronicle past and ongoing efforts to catch a cheating husband, the numerous online dating sites and how to use the same tools he is using to 'browse around' for a date to find your proof.
At the very least this information will be entertaining...believe me...if it weren't so sad it would be funny, but hopefully I will help someone else.
I plan on posting Monday, Wednesday and Friday of each week. So check back tomorrow for my first post.
Yes, I want feedback and comments.
Until tomorrow,
Jane
I am starting this blog to explore the various ways a man can cheat. Of course all this applies to women too, but I am sticking to my point of view. The reason for that, I will explain in my next post.
Yes, I have had experience with this, though I'm not going to write about how I survived infidelity, or why a man may cheat. No, instead I'm going to chronicle past and ongoing efforts to catch a cheating husband, the numerous online dating sites and how to use the same tools he is using to 'browse around' for a date to find your proof.
At the very least this information will be entertaining...believe me...if it weren't so sad it would be funny, but hopefully I will help someone else.
I plan on posting Monday, Wednesday and Friday of each week. So check back tomorrow for my first post.
Yes, I want feedback and comments.
Until tomorrow,
Jane
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