Okay, so you are 95% certain he or she is "looking for love" online and may have even found it. If you want to go the route of setting up your own profile in order to catch him and have that evidence in order to make your next move first you have to decide where to look for him.
If you have nothing to go on, no sneak peeks at a website or email, there are several places to start.
His email provider...they all have ads in their emails (with few exceptions) you've even seen them in your email. See which dating sites his email is promoting. Go to the browser he uses and search for
"online dating", "sex personals" etc and see what the top ten hits are....aim for the free ones first, unless you have credit card receipts with something suspicious on them.
Don't forget to check the ones you see advertised on T.V.
Then there is the matter of sister sites. If he is on AFF, they have at least a dozen sister sites, some more freebie oriented than others.
Until next time,
Jane
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Adultfriendfinder Better for Men or Women
The past few days I've been doing a little experiment. I've logged in to adultfriendfinder as both my husbands profile and one I created as a woman.
As a man I've hotlisted and/or winked at over 60 women. Only two have browsed my profile, none have contacted or flirted with me and whenever I tried to contact one through the chat feature they were never available. But the oddest thing was that shortly after I hotlisted a woman it seemed that she logged in. Could be coincidence. I resorted to trying to interact to the women without profile pictures...it's always been my suspicion that the ones without a picture are more likely to be real.
Anyway, logged in as a woman I've been getting several views and messages a day......and as a woman I don't look at any male profiles and I certainly don't hotlist or flirt. If I log into the chat feature I'm bombarded with chat requests.....and no I don't have a picture. Hmmmm, I suppose that negates my theory about non picture profiles and possibly that is what is happening to the women I try to contact as a man...they are being bombarded, specially the ones with sexy pictures.
Thought I would share with you my experiment. I've always suspected that men were more likely to throw money at a shot at 'dating' a woman for sex than a woman would, so the dating sites use women's profiles to lure men in......give them enough to keep them interested but not enough to satisfy them so they are likely to shell out the money.
Oh well, until next time.
Jane
As a man I've hotlisted and/or winked at over 60 women. Only two have browsed my profile, none have contacted or flirted with me and whenever I tried to contact one through the chat feature they were never available. But the oddest thing was that shortly after I hotlisted a woman it seemed that she logged in. Could be coincidence. I resorted to trying to interact to the women without profile pictures...it's always been my suspicion that the ones without a picture are more likely to be real.
Anyway, logged in as a woman I've been getting several views and messages a day......and as a woman I don't look at any male profiles and I certainly don't hotlist or flirt. If I log into the chat feature I'm bombarded with chat requests.....and no I don't have a picture. Hmmmm, I suppose that negates my theory about non picture profiles and possibly that is what is happening to the women I try to contact as a man...they are being bombarded, specially the ones with sexy pictures.
Thought I would share with you my experiment. I've always suspected that men were more likely to throw money at a shot at 'dating' a woman for sex than a woman would, so the dating sites use women's profiles to lure men in......give them enough to keep them interested but not enough to satisfy them so they are likely to shell out the money.
Oh well, until next time.
Jane
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
10 Members Interested In You
Summer 2010, apparently my husband took out an online profile on Friendfinder.com. This will be the first one I found that he signed up for since he and I have been together. If you've read my other posts you will know that I found old, inactive profiles from two years before we met.
I had actually stopped looking......checking the traps I had set several years ago, but he accidently gave me the proof.
It was September 2010 and he asked me to help him with his email (not unusual, as savvy as he thinks he is, he misses the smallest details of online apps), he said he was having trouble logging in. He gave me a hotmail email (news to me). I asked why he had the new email...he said he was getting too much spam in his aol account....okay, I'll play along. So he gives me the log in and password. Hmmmm, jdell6606......his first initial, computer he uses and his favorite numbers...as explained in a previous post <http://isyourhusbandcheatingonyou.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-husband-has-left-trail-of-email.html>.
So I help him...his inbox, sent and trash are all squeaky clean.
A few days later he goes out of town on business (something he hasn't had to do in a few years so it was unexpected).
I know from previous experience that he doesn't have much chance to check his email the first few days on a job so I frequently check it myself. Sure enough, on the second day there's an email from Friendfinder.com stating that three members are interested in jdell6606. It's his information, no doubt, no picture though. As I look at all the information I see that he opened the account at the end of July. Suddenly the summer makes sense. He was annoyed with me all summer, I couldn't do anything right, he was argumentative and I was getting those check in phone calls when he worked overnight. You know the kind....they call out of the blue to see where you are and if there's any chance of you showing up. I won't make that mistake.....if he calls like that again, I'll say I'm busy and show up to see what he's hiding. Some people think the grumpy disposition is based on guilt but I think it was his way of convincing himself he didn't care for me or find me attractive.
Anyway, I printed out the information in case he went back in and deleted the account.
A few days after he came home I confronted him and his explanation was "I didn't open that account, they must have gotten his information from his aol account." Amazing, like a psychopath actually. And he stuck to his lie like glue. Funny, too because the information (including the user named based on his brand new email account) couldn't be gleaned from any of his online information.
So this is the first step in the chain of events that brought me to starting this blog.
Until next time,
Jane
I had actually stopped looking......checking the traps I had set several years ago, but he accidently gave me the proof.
It was September 2010 and he asked me to help him with his email (not unusual, as savvy as he thinks he is, he misses the smallest details of online apps), he said he was having trouble logging in. He gave me a hotmail email (news to me). I asked why he had the new email...he said he was getting too much spam in his aol account....okay, I'll play along. So he gives me the log in and password. Hmmmm, jdell6606......his first initial, computer he uses and his favorite numbers...as explained in a previous post <http://isyourhusbandcheatingonyou.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-husband-has-left-trail-of-email.html>.
So I help him...his inbox, sent and trash are all squeaky clean.
A few days later he goes out of town on business (something he hasn't had to do in a few years so it was unexpected).
I know from previous experience that he doesn't have much chance to check his email the first few days on a job so I frequently check it myself. Sure enough, on the second day there's an email from Friendfinder.com stating that three members are interested in jdell6606. It's his information, no doubt, no picture though. As I look at all the information I see that he opened the account at the end of July. Suddenly the summer makes sense. He was annoyed with me all summer, I couldn't do anything right, he was argumentative and I was getting those check in phone calls when he worked overnight. You know the kind....they call out of the blue to see where you are and if there's any chance of you showing up. I won't make that mistake.....if he calls like that again, I'll say I'm busy and show up to see what he's hiding. Some people think the grumpy disposition is based on guilt but I think it was his way of convincing himself he didn't care for me or find me attractive.
Anyway, I printed out the information in case he went back in and deleted the account.
A few days after he came home I confronted him and his explanation was "I didn't open that account, they must have gotten his information from his aol account." Amazing, like a psychopath actually. And he stuck to his lie like glue. Funny, too because the information (including the user named based on his brand new email account) couldn't be gleaned from any of his online information.
So this is the first step in the chain of events that brought me to starting this blog.
Until next time,
Jane
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
To Tell or Not to Tell
The age old questions: "If I know a friend's husband or wife is cheating, do I tell them?"
Since I have numerous, possibly dozens of online profiles in at least a dozen sites (no, they are not me or my stats....just bait for my husband....and yes, he has bitten....more about that later), I have wondered if I would see anyone I knew and it has happened. I have seen people I recognized from the area but I didn't actually know them or who they are....imagine how strange it was to be having a yard sale and look up to see a man I had seen on one of the sites!!
Anyway, I have seen a pathetic profile for a man that both my husband and I know, he is single, but knowing him, he's not a catch at all and seeing his picture....he's not attractive at all.....I'm talking "Larry, Daryl and Daryl" from the Newhart Show. But....good luck to him and who ever responds to him.
Then there is another man, both my husband and I know, that is married, but he states so in his profiles and I know that he and his wife have an 'open marriage', whatever that is.
But it still makes me wonder what I would do if confronted with that situation and would someone let me know if they knew about my husband.
Interestingly enough, last summer my cell phone rang and when I picked it up I heard a woman speaking....as if I had come in in the middle of the conversation. I thought it was a friend of mine and I started talking to her, saying her name.....it almost sounded like she was leaving a voice mail. I am from the generation of picking up a landline and interrupting someone as they were leaving a message and that is how this felt to me. So I paused for a minute in time to hear her say "I thought you should know" and she hung up. I checked incoming and missed calls....nothing and no voicemail. I realized it wasn't my friend and have never figured it out, even combing though my cell phone bill for incoming numbers.
The timing coincided with an online profile my husband had on friend finder, though I didn't know that until two months after the call.
Next post will be about that profile and how I found it and what I did.
Until then
Jane
Since I have numerous, possibly dozens of online profiles in at least a dozen sites (no, they are not me or my stats....just bait for my husband....and yes, he has bitten....more about that later), I have wondered if I would see anyone I knew and it has happened. I have seen people I recognized from the area but I didn't actually know them or who they are....imagine how strange it was to be having a yard sale and look up to see a man I had seen on one of the sites!!
Anyway, I have seen a pathetic profile for a man that both my husband and I know, he is single, but knowing him, he's not a catch at all and seeing his picture....he's not attractive at all.....I'm talking "Larry, Daryl and Daryl" from the Newhart Show. But....good luck to him and who ever responds to him.
Then there is another man, both my husband and I know, that is married, but he states so in his profiles and I know that he and his wife have an 'open marriage', whatever that is.
But it still makes me wonder what I would do if confronted with that situation and would someone let me know if they knew about my husband.
Interestingly enough, last summer my cell phone rang and when I picked it up I heard a woman speaking....as if I had come in in the middle of the conversation. I thought it was a friend of mine and I started talking to her, saying her name.....it almost sounded like she was leaving a voice mail. I am from the generation of picking up a landline and interrupting someone as they were leaving a message and that is how this felt to me. So I paused for a minute in time to hear her say "I thought you should know" and she hung up. I checked incoming and missed calls....nothing and no voicemail. I realized it wasn't my friend and have never figured it out, even combing though my cell phone bill for incoming numbers.
The timing coincided with an online profile my husband had on friend finder, though I didn't know that until two months after the call.
Next post will be about that profile and how I found it and what I did.
Until then
Jane
Monday, August 1, 2011
Fake Online Dating Profiles
A word about fake profiles....yes, I've created a few, but when creating a dating profile on any of the sites I have already mentioned or will mention in the future, a profile photo is optional. In it's place is an obviously male or female grey silhouette.
What I discovered the other day was the website http://www.digimarc.com. The reason I came across this was that I was trying to figure out how to put a watermark in a picture. What I found out was that with digimarc, you can put an electronic watermark in your photos and locate them online and see how they are being used. Which brings me to the reason I've gone techie for the moment. From what I have seen on these dating sites are photos, both head shots and nudes or partial nudes. Some of these seem to me to be fake profiles. Why I think they are fake I will go into later this week, but the bottom line is that there are fake profiles with profile pictures, which means someone's passport photo, graduation photo, resume pic or naughty photo is being used by someone else. Yes, there are people that put nude photos of themselves online...and that is their business but I'm positive that those photos are being used to spice up fake profiles.
If I were to use any sort of photo of myself online, I would certainly consider using digimarc.
Imagine, you are feeling bold and you take out a profile on Adult Friend Finder and post a sexy photo of yourself. You add the digimarc and by tracking that photo you can find out if it has been used to create a profile on another site, or is being posted on a porn site.
Better yet, if you are suspicious of your spouse, add digimarc to all digital photos and you can see if he or she has taken that great pic of the two of you, taken at your friend's wedding and cut you out in order to use it to get hook ups.
Also a good idea to make sure no weirdos are using your children's pics, innocuous as they may be.
What I discovered the other day was the website http://www.digimarc.com. The reason I came across this was that I was trying to figure out how to put a watermark in a picture. What I found out was that with digimarc, you can put an electronic watermark in your photos and locate them online and see how they are being used. Which brings me to the reason I've gone techie for the moment. From what I have seen on these dating sites are photos, both head shots and nudes or partial nudes. Some of these seem to me to be fake profiles. Why I think they are fake I will go into later this week, but the bottom line is that there are fake profiles with profile pictures, which means someone's passport photo, graduation photo, resume pic or naughty photo is being used by someone else. Yes, there are people that put nude photos of themselves online...and that is their business but I'm positive that those photos are being used to spice up fake profiles.
If I were to use any sort of photo of myself online, I would certainly consider using digimarc.
Imagine, you are feeling bold and you take out a profile on Adult Friend Finder and post a sexy photo of yourself. You add the digimarc and by tracking that photo you can find out if it has been used to create a profile on another site, or is being posted on a porn site.
Better yet, if you are suspicious of your spouse, add digimarc to all digital photos and you can see if he or she has taken that great pic of the two of you, taken at your friend's wedding and cut you out in order to use it to get hook ups.
Also a good idea to make sure no weirdos are using your children's pics, innocuous as they may be.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Forgive a Cheating Husband?
I know I've been trying to look at some of the humorous aspects of this subject, but sometimes I get really down thinking about certain facts about my situation. While I can't be certain whether or not he has actually cheated on me, I know for a fact that he has taken out online dating profiles or ads and as I have already explained the ones from before we met can't be held against him but they speak volumes about him.
The ones from the past year and a half, he hasn't been into for a month or so. A few months ago he told me he wasn't checking them but I know for a fact he was, though there were no communications between him and anyone on them.
So, lately he hasn't even been checking his email which makes me nervous. Why? Because, if he's not acting out in that way, what is he doing? There are no unexplained blocks of time, so I think he's not doing anything (as he has done in the past) but this will last another month, a few months? I don't know.
This has happened before, only I don't know how many times we have gone through this cycle, since I wasn't aware of all of this, I don't know all of the steps, the lengths of time or anything to expect.
See my other entry about this same topic.
Before when he would cycle, I didn't have enough to go on to see the next wave coming, but that's what I'm hoping will be different this time. I have drawn a line in the sand......if he starts any more online window shopping, that's it.
This week I want to get back to searching for someone online, what I have done personaly and get back to reviewing more of the dating sites.
Until tomorrow,
Jane
The ones from the past year and a half, he hasn't been into for a month or so. A few months ago he told me he wasn't checking them but I know for a fact he was, though there were no communications between him and anyone on them.
So, lately he hasn't even been checking his email which makes me nervous. Why? Because, if he's not acting out in that way, what is he doing? There are no unexplained blocks of time, so I think he's not doing anything (as he has done in the past) but this will last another month, a few months? I don't know.
This has happened before, only I don't know how many times we have gone through this cycle, since I wasn't aware of all of this, I don't know all of the steps, the lengths of time or anything to expect.
See my other entry about this same topic.
Before when he would cycle, I didn't have enough to go on to see the next wave coming, but that's what I'm hoping will be different this time. I have drawn a line in the sand......if he starts any more online window shopping, that's it.
This week I want to get back to searching for someone online, what I have done personaly and get back to reviewing more of the dating sites.
Until tomorrow,
Jane
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
I Want to Date A Senior
I could spend hours here telling you about the funny (at least to me) profiles I see online, the differences between the male and female profiles and what (I think) works and doesn't work.
But this morning I'm going to talk about one I saw....I don't want to use actual screen names (in order to protect the 'innocent')...yeah right.
Anyway...the made up screen name is WildBill5040. Bill is 57 years old and chooses to have as he main profile picture, a picture of himself in a golf cart. Okay, so it's a fancy green golf cart, but a golf cart all the same and to anyone under 50 years old and possibly to those over 50 too.....golf cart spells old fart.
Then, I look at his profile and there's the picture of himself in his golf cart and there's a second picture. I click on it and it's a close up of his....you guessed it...his "stick shift"....nothing else, except enough to see that he has a flat stomach. Amazing flat for a man his age come to think of it which makes me wonder.
That's all for today,
Jane
But this morning I'm going to talk about one I saw....I don't want to use actual screen names (in order to protect the 'innocent')...yeah right.
Anyway...the made up screen name is WildBill5040. Bill is 57 years old and chooses to have as he main profile picture, a picture of himself in a golf cart. Okay, so it's a fancy green golf cart, but a golf cart all the same and to anyone under 50 years old and possibly to those over 50 too.....golf cart spells old fart.
Then, I look at his profile and there's the picture of himself in his golf cart and there's a second picture. I click on it and it's a close up of his....you guessed it...his "stick shift"....nothing else, except enough to see that he has a flat stomach. Amazing flat for a man his age come to think of it which makes me wonder.
That's all for today,
Jane
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Adios Amigo or "That's Spanish for Adult FriendFinder"
This review/observation on the adult friendfinder sites will be about the rest of the alternate sites. That includes Amigos, French friendfinder, German, Asia, Italian,Portuguese etc....you get the idea. There are also Senior, BigChurch, Gay, Grad and MillionaireMate....how honest do you think those men are because in my experience women lie or hedge about who they are, their weight, age, whereas men lie/hedge about their accomplishments, income and job/military experience.
I have never checked out the Millionairemate site and there is this: I can see my husband putting his profile on their and stretching the truth about his income. Hmmm.
I've been on Amigos.com Senior and BigChurch...all of them similar to AFF. In my experience if you want to be able to make a genuine hook up without too many constraints, I would opt for friendfinder.
Maybe I'll check out Millionaire. I'll let you know.
Have a good weekend,
Jane
I have never checked out the Millionairemate site and there is this: I can see my husband putting his profile on their and stretching the truth about his income. Hmmm.
I've been on Amigos.com Senior and BigChurch...all of them similar to AFF. In my experience if you want to be able to make a genuine hook up without too many constraints, I would opt for friendfinder.
Maybe I'll check out Millionaire. I'll let you know.
Have a good weekend,
Jane
Friday, July 15, 2011
My Husband is Cheating Online....or at least he was.
I don’t like living like this, but look at the time spent going over what happened as an opportunity to exam what happened, what my part was and what I would do differently and hopefully by posting all of this will save someone else many steps of process if they find themselves in a similar situation.
Anyway, back to what happened to me.
I received an email at the 101@aol account that his account with Lovehappens was about to close. I took the opportunity to log in and look at his profile before the site shut down. It also gave me something else to go by. Apparently at that time he was on the dating or looking for love sites, as I call them, as opposed to booty call/sex hook up sites.
Around the same time an email came in that SmithJ92 had received a message at American Singles. Another profile......slightly different profile or screen name but basically looking for the same thing, same type of women.
Hmmm, I can't say I fit the discription. Oh well, I fell in love with him but if I had been asked what my ideal man looked like before I met him, the physical description wouldn't have fit him either. If anything I am a much closer fit to what he was looking for than he is to what I would have said was my ideal.
And as with the AFF profile these two 'new' ones were from about the same time period, before we met.
But if I had known he was prone to online excursions (because these were done while he was still married to his ex) I never would have gone out with him the first time.
Next week I will post a mix of what happened between us and how things were revealed to me and some reviews of more on the dating sites along with some amusing looks at what men seem to think women are looking for on these sites.
Until tomorrow,
Jane
Friday, July 8, 2011
Alt.com The Hardcore alternative to Adult Friend Finder
Not that I thought my husband would have a profile on alt.com, but then again you never know, so here is a brief review/opinion on Alt. com, an alternative lifestyle dating, hookup site.
Sign up and the basic format runs the same as AFF with the main difference in the hook up choices and search options. Instead of just searching for a man, or even a couple, you can search based on dominance, fetish and more. Things I didn't even know about. Though the same applies to a standard, read that 'non paying' member, you have only limited access to the profile information, see my entry on AFF. But if this is where your interests are then instead of spending time on other sites pretending to look for "Ms Right" it may even be worth it to pay the membership fee (there are several options) and find a fetish friend.
Until next time
Jane
Sign up and the basic format runs the same as AFF with the main difference in the hook up choices and search options. Instead of just searching for a man, or even a couple, you can search based on dominance, fetish and more. Things I didn't even know about. Though the same applies to a standard, read that 'non paying' member, you have only limited access to the profile information, see my entry on AFF. But if this is where your interests are then instead of spending time on other sites pretending to look for "Ms Right" it may even be worth it to pay the membership fee (there are several options) and find a fetish friend.
Until next time
Jane
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Adult Friend Finder Online.......or Not
One last thought about Adult Friend Finder. When someone is online, logged in, it says "Online Now!" in vivid green letters just under their main stats.
But here is the kicker, if you are logged in and then log off, it continues to say that you are "Online Now".
Last I tested it I had to leave the house at 46 minutes and a profile that I had logged in as and logged back off from still stated that it was online. Soon I will have to test it again to see just how long it stays on.
This could be a way for the site to give the impression of more activity then there actually is or just a computer quirk. Either way this feature can work for or against you.
Until tomorrow,
Jane
But here is the kicker, if you are logged in and then log off, it continues to say that you are "Online Now".
Last I tested it I had to leave the house at 46 minutes and a profile that I had logged in as and logged back off from still stated that it was online. Soon I will have to test it again to see just how long it stays on.
This could be a way for the site to give the impression of more activity then there actually is or just a computer quirk. Either way this feature can work for or against you.
Until tomorrow,
Jane
Life on Adult Friend Finder
There is a lot I have learned from this experience and some of that is information about the different online dating sites......so in some respects this can be considered a review of Adult Friend Finder.
Adult Friend Finder has quite a few sister sites, several of which I will also 'review' as I go along, but I will tell you this now, they are not all the same so don't assume that what I tell you about AFF stands for the others. Some of the affiliate sites are easier to post and contact on.
Okay, first of all, sign up is easy, you need a valid email address....one that hasn't been used for this site before and a few minutes to use the pull down options to add your physical stats, height, weight, hair color etc. You will be asked for a screen name....it may take a few tries in case YoungNSexy1965 has already been taken.
Then you need to fill out a short paragraph about yourself and another about the type of mate you are searching for. The site sends a confirmation email you need to activate, pretty much like signing up for a new email account, nothing tricky except making sure your write up will catch someones eye.
There is also a point where you can upload a photo or several. On AFF you can have a photo with nudity (I will get into some of what I have seen, what I personally think works and doesn't work for men and women, on another post).
Many sites encourage you to post a picture of yourself holding a sign with your screen name written on it, this ensures that you are real. Which if you are suing these sites for a hook up, you may want to look for and avoid those photos that look amazing like someone famous. Though, some sites will scan the photos and reject them if they are public domain or on the internet, AFF is one of those sites. Not to say you can't slip something by them.....
Once you have confirmed your profile you can search, the search options allow you to make an age span choice, gender choice (yes, on AFF you can even be a couple searching for a man or a woman or search for a couple yourself). This isn't allowed on all of their sister sites. What you are looking for, including threesomes, bondage etc. You chose a state and zip, then finally, if you are only a standard member, you can chose to search through only standard contacts or Gold and Silver, which if you are serious is probably a better way to make a contact for reasons I'll mention soon. If you are a paying member you have many more search options.
The search will bring up members in that zip code and if it's a small selection will also show profiles for surrounding areas, but it seems to me that expanded search never goes north of my location, only south, east and west. That seems to be true on a lot of sites.
It used to be the search would only give you those in that zip and that was all but it has expanded which is better.
A gallery list of profiles will fill the page, which by the way, show one photo or a shadow profile if no pic was uploaded, the screen name, age, last visit, and a star rating, 1 to 5, for compatibility. This is determined by what you fill out in your search parameters, or cupid (oops, sorry, now it's 'dove') preferences.
If you click on one it takes you to an upgrade and pay page, but if you just scroll your curser over the picture you can get more information, but not of it.
Under each profile are options to send a flirt, call, add to your hotlist, email, or invite as a friend. Unless you are a paying member you can forget about contacting my email r calling. But when they login they will see that you browsed their profile and if you do so multiple times it shows that too, so don't look desperate, it's a turn off. Then if they are a paying member they can send you a message.
You will receive an email saying someone has sent you a message and a list or partial list of those who have browsed your profile.
There is a lot more to this site, chatting, movies etc....and I don't know if you actually pay how well it pans out....will welcome and post comments from anyone who has paid.
But the bottom line is for myself it gave me a pretty good option for searching for my husbands profile.
Oh, one last thing, because I have logged in through my husbands old profile, as a woman you have a little more leeway in how much you can do for free.
Until next time,
Jane
Adult Friend Finder has quite a few sister sites, several of which I will also 'review' as I go along, but I will tell you this now, they are not all the same so don't assume that what I tell you about AFF stands for the others. Some of the affiliate sites are easier to post and contact on.
Okay, first of all, sign up is easy, you need a valid email address....one that hasn't been used for this site before and a few minutes to use the pull down options to add your physical stats, height, weight, hair color etc. You will be asked for a screen name....it may take a few tries in case YoungNSexy1965 has already been taken.
Then you need to fill out a short paragraph about yourself and another about the type of mate you are searching for. The site sends a confirmation email you need to activate, pretty much like signing up for a new email account, nothing tricky except making sure your write up will catch someones eye.
There is also a point where you can upload a photo or several. On AFF you can have a photo with nudity (I will get into some of what I have seen, what I personally think works and doesn't work for men and women, on another post).
Many sites encourage you to post a picture of yourself holding a sign with your screen name written on it, this ensures that you are real. Which if you are suing these sites for a hook up, you may want to look for and avoid those photos that look amazing like someone famous. Though, some sites will scan the photos and reject them if they are public domain or on the internet, AFF is one of those sites. Not to say you can't slip something by them.....
Once you have confirmed your profile you can search, the search options allow you to make an age span choice, gender choice (yes, on AFF you can even be a couple searching for a man or a woman or search for a couple yourself). This isn't allowed on all of their sister sites. What you are looking for, including threesomes, bondage etc. You chose a state and zip, then finally, if you are only a standard member, you can chose to search through only standard contacts or Gold and Silver, which if you are serious is probably a better way to make a contact for reasons I'll mention soon. If you are a paying member you have many more search options.
The search will bring up members in that zip code and if it's a small selection will also show profiles for surrounding areas, but it seems to me that expanded search never goes north of my location, only south, east and west. That seems to be true on a lot of sites.
It used to be the search would only give you those in that zip and that was all but it has expanded which is better.
A gallery list of profiles will fill the page, which by the way, show one photo or a shadow profile if no pic was uploaded, the screen name, age, last visit, and a star rating, 1 to 5, for compatibility. This is determined by what you fill out in your search parameters, or cupid (oops, sorry, now it's 'dove') preferences.
If you click on one it takes you to an upgrade and pay page, but if you just scroll your curser over the picture you can get more information, but not of it.
Under each profile are options to send a flirt, call, add to your hotlist, email, or invite as a friend. Unless you are a paying member you can forget about contacting my email r calling. But when they login they will see that you browsed their profile and if you do so multiple times it shows that too, so don't look desperate, it's a turn off. Then if they are a paying member they can send you a message.
You will receive an email saying someone has sent you a message and a list or partial list of those who have browsed your profile.
There is a lot more to this site, chatting, movies etc....and I don't know if you actually pay how well it pans out....will welcome and post comments from anyone who has paid.
But the bottom line is for myself it gave me a pretty good option for searching for my husbands profile.
Oh, one last thing, because I have logged in through my husbands old profile, as a woman you have a little more leeway in how much you can do for free.
Until next time,
Jane
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Password from Adult Friend Finder
So once I had access to his old email accounts, I would periodically check them and nothing new ever came into them except for the occasional offer by the provider. I wasn’t sure why I kept up the checks but I remembered something he had told me (see a lot of what I learned
I learned from him) he told me that a man that communicates with a woman periodically is basically checking his traps….like a lobster fisherman….you set the traps and check every so often and sooner or later you will snag something.
That’s exactly what happened. We were working out of town and we had a few extra computers. One of the men working for us needed a computer and my husband sold him one of our extra ones for a good price. A day or two later “John” asked me if I could help him with the internet. Sure I said…..the upshot was that when I looked at his Internet Explorer toolbar…he had extra toolbars enabled, one was the aol and it said new mail for jsmith101. Hmmm I thought. Anyway I helped John in just a few minutes and as soon as I was alone back in our hotel room I went to Aol because I recognized that address as one of the ones on the list and I figured my husband must have been into it on that computer.
There wasn’t anything in the email but when I went to AFF to ask for a lost password, where previously it said no account in that email suddenly it was sending the password to the email address.
BTW, I learned to first ask to have a password sent to my own address to see if they say no such account or will send email with or without password, that way I know if it’s safe to query my husbands present address.
Back to AFF. Sure enough login information was sent and within minutes I was looking
at a profile from August of 2004, location a suburb in Atlanta, Ga.
I've also learned not to react to that rush of adrenaline and reveal my hand. Wait for it to pass and think about the best thing to do.
The profile was from before we had even met, so I didn't mention it to him, instead I used it for information. What was his title, did he give he actual physical stats (he did), no photo, and just what was he trolling for on Adult Friend Finder.
I'll get into that tomorrow.
Jane
Friday, June 24, 2011
My Husband Has Left a Trail of Email Addresses Across the Net
One of the next things that happened was I found a wade of paper he had tossed away, but what caught m eye was a piece on the top wth a partial email address on it. When I looked at the paper it had about 5 email addresses, all belonging to my husband.
They were: fictionalized of course:
jsmith6606@yahoo.com
jsmith6606@juno.com
jsmith6606@aol.com
jsmith6606@msn.com
and the oddball jsmith101@aol.com
As Judge Judy says in her book, “Beauty Fades and Dumb is Forever“ a collection of information is good, so I copied them down and kept them.
It wasn’t too long after that that we were working out of town……..
Myself I didn’t work directly for the client but in a co-ordinator-gopher capacity. At the end of the shift I would go to the site and had been instructed by him to always park in a particular area of the parking lot. In the office that he occupied with his partner they had security cameras set up, and one was trained on the area where I parked. One day I backed into the designated spot and walked in the building, down the hall and into the office. He was sitting at the desk with his laptop on and seemed engrossed and slightly amused. When he glanced up, did a double take and saw me walking in, I saw panic on his face. Then as I put my purse down on the floor next to his desk and went to take my usual seat he stood up and bummed rushed me out of the office and paraded me through a series of other offices with some cockamamie story. Then he told me to go out and wait in the car….he wouldn’t even let me get my purse. Hello!!!
So I got suspicious and when I was alone in our hotel room I started researching online personal sites. I quickly discovered that it you went to the forgotten password page I could enter his email address and find out if he even had an account (it’s not necessarily the same these days). Then I recalled the list of email addresses.
I went to the different providers and plugged in the addresses. In two of the cases he had written down the password. In the other few cases I guessed the password based on experience. In a matter of miuntes I was into one, juno, 2 aol, 1 yahoo and 1 msn email accounts.
Only two of them had any contact info left in them and if I had it to do over I would have gone into them differently and possibly would have been able to retrieve more information. But that's another post.
Until next time,
Jane
Monday, June 20, 2011
The Cycle of Infidelity
Within the first part of out relationship we were hashing out some of the issues that plague people of our age that have been previously married so while there was a shift in our relationship (that 100% trust of mine became guarded, but my affections only grew, bad combination.)
When he was’t out of town we were almost always together and live in a small town. I began to feel like as long as he was where I could see him……
Then he started working exclusively for one company which I had also worked for in a different capacity so I was able to go on those assignments and from those he started his own company and I always went. Gone was the "he’s out of town insecurities," but things didn’t stop.
And as with other problems and abuse it cycled and as I have already mentioned when we are in a good cycle or at least what I perceive of as a clean time when he’s not looking around, things are great and I wonder if maybe I was imagining things.
Have you ever put poison on an ant hill and it disappears only to show up somewhere else? Well that is one of the stages of the cycle. I’m pretty sure I’m on one or two steps behind him and then nothing. No activity, he seems like the paragone of virtue and it’s at this point that I wonder several things.
1. Was I imaging it?
2. Did he decide he couldn’t go through with it?
3. Or the most likely one, did he sense that I was suspicious whether or not he knew how much I had figured out or not is up for debate.
By the way...we have just eased into this part of the cycle only this time instead of comforted I am increasingly annoyed and frustrated. More and more I feel like if I have to feel this way at all for any reason it's just not worth it. We'll see.
Friday, June 17, 2011
How to search for your husband's online dating profile screen name.
If you believe your husband has online profiles you have to search for it in several ways.
I'll use my husband as an example.
I knew from when we first met that he used a portion of his name and initials in addition to a certain 4 number combination for email I.D.s.
As I accidentally found out about the first profile (which I will get back to the back story of how I found actual profiles on the next few posts) I realized he used the same initial/name combo in addition to numerical combinations which referenced important dates in his life. These were fairly easy to search for with the added combination of those dates and a word for something he was, say for ex: an Air Force Airman Basic...his profile would be "Airman0675", or even in one case 75Airman, a bit tougher to search for.
The other way he has slipped by is by using screen names that reference his computer, try Blkcr0678 on for size for Black Acer and his favorite numbers.
Anyway....I need to get back to how all of this has progressed to bring me to this point where I have so much information on the subject. As I mentioned above, back to the back story starting next week.
As always,
Jane
I'll use my husband as an example.
I knew from when we first met that he used a portion of his name and initials in addition to a certain 4 number combination for email I.D.s.
As I accidentally found out about the first profile (which I will get back to the back story of how I found actual profiles on the next few posts) I realized he used the same initial/name combo in addition to numerical combinations which referenced important dates in his life. These were fairly easy to search for with the added combination of those dates and a word for something he was, say for ex: an Air Force Airman Basic...his profile would be "Airman0675", or even in one case 75Airman, a bit tougher to search for.
The other way he has slipped by is by using screen names that reference his computer, try Blkcr0678 on for size for Black Acer and his favorite numbers.
Anyway....I need to get back to how all of this has progressed to bring me to this point where I have so much information on the subject. As I mentioned above, back to the back story starting next week.
As always,
Jane
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Searching Online Dating Profiles
My husband has several online dating profiles.
Here’s a tip.
If you decide to go the route of setting up your own profile in order to “watch” what he is doing, you may end up with profiles on sites that come in your email as references from sites you and your husband are already on.
If you decide to expand your net and sign on to these sites, as initially time consuming as it may seem, it is in my experience, a good idea to check ALL notifications you receive.
Here’s the situation: Most dating sites will send you an email “notification” that someone has browsed your profile, winked, flirted, hotlisted your profile, or sent you a message.
Since it’s possible that you don’t yet know your husbands profile name you need to look at all the profiles that interact with yours.
So you click on the login button and see that “LovesSking477” has winked at you and you know that your husband has never seen a ski in his life, so you can pretty well say to yourself “well that’s not my husband.”
Here’s the tip: look at the profile anyway….it will save you time in the future. “LovesSking477” picture and stats assure you it can’t be your man, but a few days later you are on AFF and you see “LovesSking477 and they don’t have a picture on their profile. Because you already checked them out on the first site you save that step here.
Spending a few minutes here and there, checking the notifications and “new members” will keep you current, save you time and prevent a possible ‘miss’ should your husband set up a profile on an additional site. In one case, I had set up a profile on FF, stopped paying attention to it and bam! Two years later my husband is browsing that profile with his new screen name based on his present computer brand. (I didn’t catch it at first because I didn’t keep up on the new members and notifications and only looked at the list view and didn’t check stats.)
What profile name will he use? Check my next post.
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