Hornymatches

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Forgive a Cheating Husband?

I know I've been trying to look at some of the humorous aspects of this subject, but sometimes I get really down thinking about certain facts about my situation. While I can't be certain whether or not he has actually cheated on me, I know for a fact that he has taken out online dating profiles or ads and as I have already explained the ones from before we met can't be held against him but they speak volumes about him.
The ones from the past year and a half, he hasn't been into for a month or so. A few months ago he told me he wasn't checking them but I know for a fact he was, though there were no communications between him and anyone on them.
So, lately he hasn't even been checking his email which makes me nervous. Why? Because, if he's not acting out in that way, what is he doing? There are no unexplained blocks of time, so I think he's not doing anything (as he has done in the past) but this will last another month, a few months? I don't know.
This has happened before, only I don't know how many times we have gone through this cycle, since I wasn't aware of all of this, I don't know all of the steps, the lengths of time or anything to expect.
See my other entry about this same topic.
Before when he would cycle, I didn't have enough to go on to see the next wave coming, but that's what I'm hoping will be different this time. I have drawn a line in the sand......if he starts any more online window shopping, that's it.

This week I want to get back to searching for someone online, what I have done personaly and get back to reviewing more of the dating sites.

Until tomorrow,

Jane

I Want to Date A Senior

I could spend hours here telling you about the funny (at least to me) profiles I see online, the differences between the male and female profiles and what (I think) works and doesn't work.
But this morning I'm going to talk about one I saw....I don't want to use actual screen names (in order to protect the 'innocent')...yeah right.
Anyway...the made up screen name is WildBill5040. Bill is 57 years old and chooses to have as he main profile picture, a picture of himself in a golf cart. Okay, so it's a fancy green golf cart, but a golf cart all the same and to anyone under 50 years old and possibly to those over 50 too.....golf cart spells old fart.
Then, I look at his profile and there's the picture of himself in his golf cart and there's a second picture.  I click on it and it's a close up of his....you guessed it...his "stick shift"....nothing else, except enough to see that he has a flat stomach. Amazing flat for a man his age come to think of it which makes me wonder.

That's all for today,

Jane

Do You Want to Know A Secret

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Adios Amigo or "That's Spanish for Adult FriendFinder"

This review/observation on the adult friendfinder sites will be about the rest of the alternate sites. That includes Amigos, French friendfinder, German, Asia, Italian,Portuguese etc....you get the idea. There are also Senior, BigChurch, Gay, Grad and MillionaireMate....how honest do you think those men are because in my experience women lie or hedge about who they are, their weight, age, whereas men lie/hedge about their accomplishments, income and job/military experience.
I have never checked out the Millionairemate site and there is this: I can see my husband putting his profile on their and stretching the truth about his income. Hmmm.

I've been on Amigos.com Senior and BigChurch...all of them similar to AFF. In my experience if you want to be able to make a genuine hook up without too many constraints, I would opt for friendfinder.

Maybe I'll check out Millionaire. I'll let you know.

Have a good weekend,

Jane

My Husband is Cheating Online....or at least he was.

I don’t like living like this, but look at the time spent going over what happened as an opportunity to exam what happened, what my part was and what I would do differently and hopefully by posting all of this will save someone else many steps of process if they find themselves in a similar situation.

Anyway, back to what happened to me.

I received an email at the 101@aol account that his account with Lovehappens was about to close. I took the opportunity to log in and look at his profile before the site shut down. It also gave me something else to go by. Apparently at that time he was on the dating or looking for love sites, as I call them, as opposed to booty call/sex hook up sites. 

Around the same time an email came in that SmithJ92 had received a message at American Singles. Another profile......slightly different profile or screen name but basically looking for the same thing, same type of women.

Hmmm, I can't say I fit the discription. Oh well, I fell in love with him but if I had been asked what my ideal man looked like before I met him, the physical description wouldn't have fit him either. If anything I am a much closer fit to what he was looking for than he is to what I would have said was my ideal.

And as with the AFF profile these two 'new' ones were from about the same time period, before we met.

But if I had known he was prone to online excursions (because these were done while he was still married to his ex) I never would have gone out with him the first time.

Next week I will post a mix of what happened between us and how things were revealed to me and some reviews of more on the dating sites along with some amusing looks at what men seem to think women are looking for on these sites.

Until tomorrow,

Jane

Alt.com The Hardcore alternative to Adult Friend Finder

Not that I thought my husband would have a profile on alt.com, but then again you never know, so here is a brief review/opinion on Alt. com, an alternative lifestyle dating, hookup site.
Sign up and the basic format runs the same as AFF with the main difference in the hook up choices and search options. Instead of just searching for a man, or even a couple, you can search based on dominance, fetish and more. Things I didn't even know about.  Though the same applies to a standard, read that 'non paying' member, you have only limited access to the profile information, see my entry on AFF. But if this is where your interests are then instead of spending time on other sites pretending to look for "Ms Right" it may even be worth it to pay the membership fee (there are several options) and find a fetish friend.

Until next time

Jane

Adult Friend Finder Online.......or Not

One last thought about Adult Friend Finder. When someone is online, logged in, it says "Online Now!" in vivid green letters just under their main stats.
But here is the kicker, if you are logged in and then log off, it continues to say that you are "Online Now".
Last I tested it I had to leave the house at 46 minutes and a profile that I had logged in as and logged back off from still stated that it was online. Soon I will have to test it again to see just how long it stays on.
This could be a way for the site to give the impression of more activity then there actually is or just a computer quirk. Either way this feature can work for or against you.

Until tomorrow,

Jane

Life on Adult Friend Finder

There is a lot I have learned from this experience and some of that is information about the different online dating sites......so in some respects this can be considered a review of Adult Friend Finder.
Adult Friend Finder has quite a few sister sites, several of which I will also 'review' as I go along, but I will tell you this now, they are not all the same so don't assume that what I tell you about AFF stands for the others. Some of the affiliate sites are easier to post and contact on.
Okay, first of all, sign up is easy, you need a valid email address....one that hasn't been used for this site before and a few minutes to use the pull down options to add your physical stats, height, weight, hair color etc. You will be asked for a screen name....it may take a few tries in case YoungNSexy1965 has already been taken.
Then you need to fill out a short paragraph about yourself and another about the type of mate you are searching for. The site sends a confirmation email you need to activate, pretty much like signing up for a new email account, nothing tricky except making sure your write up will catch someones eye.
There is also a point where you can upload a photo or several. On AFF you can have a photo with nudity (I will get into some of what I have seen, what I personally think works and doesn't work for men and women, on another post).
Many sites encourage you to post a picture of yourself holding a sign with your screen name written on it, this ensures that you are real. Which if you are suing these sites for a hook up, you may want to look for and avoid those photos that look amazing like someone famous. Though, some sites will scan the photos and reject them if they are public domain or on the internet, AFF is one of those sites. Not to say you can't slip something by them.....
Once you have confirmed your profile you can search, the search options allow you to make an age span choice, gender choice (yes, on AFF you can even be a couple searching for  a man or a woman or search for a couple yourself). This isn't allowed on all of their sister sites. What you are looking for, including threesomes, bondage etc. You chose a state and zip, then finally, if you are only a standard member, you can chose to search through only standard contacts or Gold and Silver, which if you are serious is probably a better way to make a contact for reasons I'll mention soon. If you are a paying member you have many more search options.
The search will bring up members in that zip code and if it's a small selection will also show profiles for surrounding areas, but it seems to me that expanded search never goes north of my location, only south, east and west.  That seems to be true on a lot of sites.
It used to be the search would only give you those in that zip and that was all but it has expanded which is better.
A gallery list of profiles will fill the page, which by the way, show one photo or a shadow profile if no pic was uploaded, the screen name, age, last visit, and  a star rating, 1 to 5, for compatibility. This is determined by what you fill out in your search parameters, or cupid (oops, sorry, now it's 'dove') preferences.
If  you click on one it takes you to an upgrade and pay page, but if you just scroll your curser over the picture you can get more information, but not of it.
Under each profile are options to send a flirt, call, add to your hotlist, email, or invite as a friend. Unless you are a paying member you can forget about contacting my email r calling. But when they login they will see that you browsed their profile and if you do so multiple times it shows that too, so don't look desperate, it's a turn off. Then if they are a paying member they can send you a message.
You will receive an email saying someone has sent you a message and a list or partial list of those who have browsed your profile.

There is a lot more to this site, chatting, movies etc....and I don't know if you actually pay how well it pans out....will welcome and post comments from anyone who has paid.

But the bottom line is for myself it gave me a pretty good option for searching for my husbands profile.

Oh, one last thing, because I have logged in through my husbands old profile, as a woman  you have a little more leeway in how much you can do for free.

Until next time,

Jane

Password from Adult Friend Finder

So once I had access to his old email accounts, I would periodically check them and nothing new ever came into them except for the occasional offer by the provider. I wasn’t sure why I kept up the checks but I remembered something he had told me (see a lot of what I learned

 I learned from him) he told me that a man that communicates with a woman periodically is basically checking his traps….like a lobster fisherman….you set the traps and check every so often and sooner or later you will snag something.

That’s exactly what happened. We were working out of town and we had a few extra computers. One of the men working for us needed a computer and my husband sold him one of our extra ones for a good price. A day or two later “John” asked me if I could help him with the internet. Sure I said…..the upshot was that when I looked at his Internet Explorer toolbar…he had extra toolbars enabled, one was the aol and it said new mail for jsmith101.  Hmmm I thought. Anyway  I helped John in just a few minutes and as soon as I was alone back in our hotel room I went to Aol because I recognized that address as one of the ones on the list and I figured my husband must have been into it on that computer.

There wasn’t anything in the email but when I went to AFF to ask for a lost password, where previously it said no account in that email suddenly it was sending the password to the email address.

BTW, I learned to first ask to have a password sent to my own address to see if they say no such account or will send email with or without password, that way I know if it’s safe to query my husbands present address.

Back to AFF. Sure enough  login information was sent and within minutes I was looking

at a profile from August of 2004, location a suburb in Atlanta, Ga.

I've also learned not to react to that rush of adrenaline and reveal my hand. Wait for it to pass and think about the best thing to do.

The profile was from before we had even met, so I didn't mention it to him, instead  I used it for information. What was his title, did he give he actual physical stats (he did), no photo, and just what was he trolling for on Adult Friend Finder. 

I'll get into that tomorrow.

Jane

My Husband Has Left a Trail of Email Addresses Across the Net

            One of the next things that happened was I found a wade of paper he had tossed away, but what caught m eye was a piece on the top wth a partial email address on it. When I looked at the paper it had about 5 email addresses, all belonging to my husband.

They were: fictionalized of course:

        jsmith6606@yahoo.com

        jsmith6606@juno.com

        jsmith6606@aol.com

        jsmith6606@msn.com

and the oddball jsmith101@aol.com

As Judge Judy says in her book, “Beauty Fades and Dumb is Forever“   a collection of information is good, so I copied them down and kept them.

It wasn’t too long after that that we were working out of town……..

Myself I didn’t work directly for the client but in a co-ordinator-gopher capacity. At the end of the shift I would go to the site and had been instructed by him to always park in a particular area of the parking lot. In the office that he occupied with his partner they had security cameras set up, and one was trained on the area where I parked. One day I backed into the designated spot and walked in the building, down the hall and into the office. He was sitting at the desk with his laptop on and seemed engrossed and slightly amused. When he glanced up, did a double take and saw me walking in, I saw panic on his face. Then as I put my purse down on the floor next to his desk and went to take my usual seat he stood up and bummed rushed me out of the office and paraded me through a series of other offices with some cockamamie story. Then he told me to go out and wait in the car….he wouldn’t even let me get my purse. Hello!!!

So I got suspicious and when I was alone in our hotel room I started researching online personal sites. I quickly discovered that it you went to the forgotten password page I could enter his email address and find out if he even had an account (it’s not necessarily the same these days). Then I recalled the list of email addresses.

I went to the different providers and plugged in the addresses. In two of the cases he had written down the password. In the other few cases I guessed the password based on experience. In a matter of miuntes I was into one, juno, 2 aol, 1 yahoo and 1 msn email accounts.

Only two of them had any contact info left in them and if I had it to do over I would have gone into them differently and possibly would have been able to retrieve more information. But that's another post.

Until next time,

Jane

The Cycle of Infidelity

Within the first part of out relationship we were hashing out some of the issues that plague people of our age that have been previously married so while there was a shift in our relationship (that 100% trust of mine became guarded, but my affections only grew, bad combination.)

When he was’t out of town we were almost always together and live in a small town. I began to feel like as long as he was where I could see him……

Then he started working exclusively for one company which I had also worked for in a different capacity so I was able to go on those assignments and from those he started his own company and I always went. Gone was the "he’s out of town insecurities," but things didn’t stop.

And as with other problems and abuse it cycled and as I have already mentioned when we are in a good cycle or at least what I perceive of as a clean time when he’s not looking around, things are great and I wonder if maybe I was imagining things.

            Have you ever put poison on an ant hill and it disappears only to show up somewhere else? Well that is one of the stages of the cycle.  I’m pretty sure I’m on one or two steps behind him and then nothing. No activity, he seems like the paragone of virtue and it’s at this point that I wonder several things.

1.     Was I imaging it?

2.     Did he decide he couldn’t go through with it?

3.     Or the most likely one, did he sense that I was suspicious whether or not he knew how much I had figured out or not is up for debate.

By the way...we have just eased into this part of the cycle only this time instead of comforted I am increasingly annoyed and frustrated. More and more I feel like if I have to feel this way at all for any reason it's just not worth it. We'll see.

How to search for your husband's online dating profile screen name.

If you believe your husband has online profiles you have to search for it in several ways.
I'll use my husband as an example.
I knew from when we first met that he used a portion of his name and initials in addition to a certain 4 number combination for email I.D.s.
As I accidentally found out about the first profile (which I will get back to the back story of how I found actual profiles on the next few posts) I realized he used the same initial/name combo in addition to numerical combinations which referenced important dates in his life. These were fairly easy to search for with the added combination of those dates and a word for something he was, say for ex: an Air Force Airman Basic...his profile would be "Airman0675", or even in one case 75Airman, a bit tougher to search for.
The other way he has slipped by is by using screen names that reference his computer, try Blkcr0678 on for size for Black Acer and his favorite numbers.

Anyway....I need to get back to how all of this has progressed to bring me to this point where I have so much information on the subject. As I mentioned above, back to the back story starting next week.

As always,

Jane

Searching Online Dating Profiles

My husband has several online dating profiles.

Here’s a tip.

If you decide to go the route of setting up your own profile in order to “watch” what he is doing, you may end up with profiles on sites that come in your email as references from sites you and your husband are already on.

If you decide to expand your net and sign on to these sites, as initially time consuming as it may seem, it is in my experience, a good idea to check ALL notifications you receive.

Here’s the situation: Most dating sites will send you an email “notification” that someone has browsed your profile, winked, flirted, hotlisted your profile, or sent you a message.

Since it’s possible that you don’t yet know your husbands profile name you need to look at all the profiles that interact with yours.

So you click on the login button and see that “LovesSking477” has winked at you and you know that your husband has never seen a ski in his life, so you can pretty well say to yourself “well that’s not my husband.”

Here’s the tip: look at the profile anyway….it will save you time in the future. “LovesSking477” picture and stats assure you it can’t be your man, but a few days later you are on AFF and you see “LovesSking477 and they don’t have a picture on their profile. Because you already checked them out on the first site you save that step here.

Spending a few minutes here and there, checking the notifications and “new members” will keep you current, save you time and prevent a possible ‘miss’ should your husband set up a profile on an additional site. In one case, I had set up a profile on FF, stopped paying attention to it and bam! Two years later my husband is browsing that profile with his new screen name based on his present computer brand. (I didn’t catch it at first because I didn’t keep up on the new members and notifications and only looked at the list view and didn’t check stats.)

What profile name will he use? Check my next post.

My husband has an online dating profile.

First a quick mention of my relationship with my husband. He was completely unlike any man I have ever been involved with, he’s very manly, assertive and a bit...okay a lot dangerous., Other men have great respect and fear of him, yet he’s funny, smart, attractive and I felt with him that feeling I had totally given up on ever feeling, that I had decided was a thing of fiction AND I completely trusted him.

Even after five years he still made me weak in the knees. If any of you have ever read any of Janet Evanivich’ books, he’s a mix of Morelli and Ranger without the sensitive understanding traits.

I’ve been trying to remember when I first thought something was wrong, he was working out of town (which he did sometimes for long stretches, and yes I knew it was legitamate), and I received in the mail the statement for a pre-paid credit card he has (and had long before I met him), there was a charge on  there for Adult Friend Finder. Because I couldn’t call him right then, I called the number on the charge and they confirmed that the account was opened in his email account. Okay, I’m going to put in (fictionalized of course) email accounts, because the information does become key as we go along.

The email was jsmith6606 (the numbers referring to the year and month he was born).

I was totally blown away, I was upset, crying and felt betrayed.

Before I was able to talk to him, I went to his email account for which I had the password, though I never went in to it. Of course the password had been changed. SO I went to Adult Friend Finder and opened an account….as I was to find out, most sites allow women to join for free and we have access to many more features than the male account holders.

Anyway, at this point I don’t recall if I searched the male profiles in the state I live in or the state he was working in…now I would know exactly what to do, but at that time and as upset and thrown off  balance by the situation I don’t think I was very affective in my search.

When I finally got in touch with him he told me one of the guys who was on the job with him didn’t have a credit card and wanted to open an account.

Without going into details…..with the work he did and the type of men he worked with this is entirely believable. And at the time because I didn’t find any profiles that fit his physical description I chose to believe him and a few days later when I went to AFF and did an account password recovery it said no account for that email.

It used to work like this…you went to their login page, forgot password and entered the email the account was opened under, if there was no account for that email that was the response, otherwise it said “password sent to jsmith6606.” Since then things have changed for most of these sites.

As I go along I will follow the progression of my relationship and suspicions and will also give you a lot of information on these online sites and if you are single and have a good reason to put your profile on one of them, maybe my experiences will help you pick the one best suited for you.

Prologue to A Blog

Basically this blog is the dark side of my marriage where I suspect my husband has periodically been “up to something” but haven’t been able to pin it down,  Has he cheated, has he just toyed with the idea? I’ll talk about what has happened and what I have done with my suspcsions. Maybe some of you out there will relate. Maybe in all this I will give some of you information from my experience that will help you in yours. I have learned how to get on and search the online dating sites,  the ones with the easiest to navigate search options and the best way I have found to search.  I will tell you about the types of men I have come across on these sites and how the profiles seem to run. No, I haven’t connected with any of them because I’m only looking for one man on them, my  husband.

Some of you are gong to want to smack me on top of my head and say “Wake up!” because some of this will seem so obvious to you. And I say, it’s always easier being on the outside looking in, when you’re in the situation it’s entirely different.

I’ve gone back and forth about doing this blog but in the end thought it might help me organize my thoughts. When things seem okay or even good I wonder if I was imagining things or maybe there was some explanation, but of coarse there isn’t. I’m bound up by circumstances and a lack of “in your face” proof. It reminds me of a story.

About twenty years ago or more, I lived in an older home in a mid western state…it was getting cold outside. I had a large orange cat. I walked into the old style farmhouse kitchen, he was lying on the kitchen floor and as I watched, a small mouse ran from behind the back door to the back of the refrigerator. I stood their with my mouth open as my cat glanced over his shoulder with a stupefied expression like “Huh, did I miss something?”  I think of that cat often because that’s how I have felt about this, like I just missed it, more of a feeling than a fact, until recently.

           
But I have found some proof, not on infidelity but of online profiles. I will share more on Monday.


Jane

Is Your Husband Cheating on You?

There are numerous ways for a man to cheat online.
I am starting this blog to explore the various ways a man can cheat. Of course all this applies to women too, but I am sticking to my point of view. The reason for that, I will explain in my next post.
Yes, I have had experience with this, though I'm not going to write about how I survived infidelity, or why a man may cheat. No, instead I'm going to chronicle past and ongoing efforts to catch a cheating husband, the numerous online dating sites and how to use the same tools he is using to 'browse around' for a date to find your proof.
At the very least this information will be entertaining...believe me...if it weren't so sad it would be funny, but hopefully I will help someone else.
I plan on posting Monday, Wednesday and Friday of each week. So check back tomorrow for my first post.
Yes, I want feedback and comments.

Until tomorrow,

Jane