I Found My Husbands Profile Online Is It Cheating

The questions is this:
I found my husbands profile on craigslist, friendfinder, hornymatches, etc....  is it cheating?

Some may consider it actual cheating and I can see why they would....it is mentally cheating.
For myself I see it as the intent to cheat. Even if they are saying they are only curious, they are fooling themselves.....window shop enough and you will eventually want to buy.
As I said at the beginning of this blog, I don't know if my husband cheated on me already but the online profiles tell me that if he hasn't already and he keeps doing the same, yes he will eventually cheat.
And even if he doesn't, he isn't mentally committed to me...he finds me lacking, or boring or distasteful in some respect and I find that insulting. Basically, it tells me everything I need to know.
I write this blog in order to vent, maintain my sanity and maybe help someone else.

I can check the stats on this blog which tells me how many views, which posts were viewed and the referring sites. What makes me sad is all the queries I see that basically ask the above question. "I found my husbands profile on  (fill in the blank) is it cheating?
My last thought on this is that it probably isn't the first time he's done this whether it was with you or someone else.

Until next time,

Jane

I'm Not Your Typo

At least spell check or double check your profile description, nothing like bad grammer or a typo to turn someone off or make them think they can take advantage of you, because you're not too smart.
I know I have typos in my posts, but they are just that typos....I really think a lot of these are ignorance.

Here are a few examples.

"hi all im not sale at all" I'm not even sure where he was going with this one.

"I'm no angle, let's ride....."  This was in all caps too, so he was screaming his mistake.

"I'm looking for Intemacy 7 days aweek"

"i'm seeking a life partner .marriage is a real possibly..."

"I am curious to see if there are any real people on this sight."   And that's just a quick look, I could probably write a book and fill every page.

Until next time,

Jane

I'm Looking at You Looking at Me

Still thinking about craigslist ads. The incoming messages subsided considerably, going from an impressive 80 the first 24 hours to a mere handful a day. One ad stuck in my head...he said that he had waited a few days to contact me in order to let all the spam emails come through so his wouldn't be lost in the crowd. Interesting.
Another plus to craigslist, in some ways, is that people can't see when you have read their ads or how many times you have read it. On all the sites I've been on, if you look a someone's profile they receive a message or are notified in some way that you did just that.
On the other hand, other than the emails I have no idea of how many times or who has looked at my ad.

Until later,

Jane

Craigslist Personals Have an Ad Vantage

I know I've mentioned craigslist personals briefly but for various reasons I decided to give them a try.
Here's what I have found out:

I didn't need to set up a craigslist account to post a personal ad....I just hit post, filled it out and followed directions.

I thought I may get a few responses....ha!! in less than 24 hours I had close to 80 responses. They come straight from the persons email  or iphone or android...it tells you in the message how the message was sent.

Men have sent pictures, both nude and not. A lot of the replies are actually nicer than the messages received on dating/sex sites and some people have even sent their phone numbers. One man invited me to meet him for dinner tonight.

This is both good and bad if you are looking for a real hook up.....you could be meeting a creep but the ease of communicating is amazing.

I went to my own ad (since I don't really want to communicate with anyone) and hit the reply button....you are asked to identify the squiggly words and then are given an email (a craigslist  anonymous email) address to reply to. Easy.

For myself I have deleted the ones that are obviously not my husband...thanks for the pictures, and flagging a few possibilities. My husband has been spending a lot of time on craigslist lately.....hmm.

Until later,

Jane

What Part Didn't You Understand?

I found an article on line last night, it may be a blog, I'm not certain, but what was interesting in that it was a woman talking about finding out that her boyfriend has an online dating profile. What I found interesting and sad, was that she states the obvious (and it seems it was difficult for her to act on too) that the very existence of the profile is all you really need to know. It is an absolute statement about the relationship....as in what part didn't you understand. And as I have said, it's not the understanding part that seems to be so difficult, it is the comprehending that sucks. Something like the shock you may have upon finding a stranger in your home. Most people are stunned for a moment their brains trying to make sense out of a senseless situation.
I suppose if I approached this situation with the same "I better make a move or my life may depend on it" attitude I would take on finding an intruder I would be better off.
Yes, (I was counting last night) it's been a year and a half since I found out about my husbands friendfinder profile. That's all there is to know. By sticking around all I've done is become sadder and angrier. Of course I'm not in a financial position to leave and that's what I've been working on since it is the only thing I can do anything about.
So, here is the article that inspired this rant, it's worth reading.
Here is a quote from it that descriptions that moment (with the intruder) when our brains are trying to sort it all out.
"What did I really do, when I discovered my boyfriend had an active online dating account (VIP membership, checked within the past 24 hours). I listened to his ridiculous story about how he’d prepaid for a year. And had just coincidentally looked at it the day before because they kept sending him email. Out of curiosity."

Passwords that are Memorable

I've mentioned before about using the same password if creating multiple profiles and am reminded today and one of the benefits to that system.
Some dating/sex sites send update emails daily or quite often. Others, specially if you don't log in often site don't. This morning I received an update email from a site I had forgotten I was registered on. The email itself didn't have a direct login link (which I prefer) but because I use the same password, I had no trouble logging in.

Until next time,

Jane

Gone But Not Forgotten

I haven't been here for a while. It had nothing to do with the holidays but more frustration.  For the past several months I've had secret access to my husbands alternative email, the one from which all this started where I found his friendfinder profile info. An added bonus lately was that he had his primary email forwarded to this mailbox and I have had access to that too. Then out of the blue he stops the forwarding. Which to me could mean several things.
He suspected I had access, which I sort of doubt because he is so arrogant that he wouldn't even think I had a clue.
He has tired of the online cheating scene, which I also doubt.
Or, he has decided to drop the alternative email address as his point of contact and has opened yet another email account. This is what I think is happening.
Look back at my post about email address that are not officially closed but left open.
So I wonder if he is gearing up again and I'm back to having to check every single email notification from all the online dating/sex sites and check all the profiles that look at mine.

Basically, 2 steps forward and 10 back.

Jane

Juggling Email Addresses

A few days ago I talked about leaving email addresses unattended and probably forgotten....but not gone.
At the beginning of this blog I mentioned how I found a piece of paper with multiple email addresses my husband had used with login information. With the exception of the earthlink account, all the others were still accessible.
As things have gone along those email accounts have come in handy. At present I am using 1 juno, 1 yahoo, 1 msn, 1 live and 2 aol email accounts as my own. This serves two purposes. Occasionally old dating site info comes in and I use them to sign up for different dating sites.

Until later,

Jane

Hornymatches Who gets the most action?

On Hornymatches, you get two types of notification emails. One is a single view or message notification and periodically you get one one with a list of potential matches based on views to your profile.
With the one profile where I am a woman looking for a man I get daily single view notices, but with the profile where I am a couple looking for a woman I get almost daily multiple view notifications, hmmm, what does this say about the "looking for sex" population as a whole. Are there more swingers looking for unattached sex or singles.

Until next time or if I find the answer to the above question LOL,

Jane

Are You A Fun Guy or Girl?

Another short mention about some of the dating profiles I have seen, I need to mention one I have seen recently and what I am going to tell you.
For an online screen name you can be a fun guy or a fun girl but never a fun gal because it translates to this
"Fungal65".

LOL


Jane

Do You Know What Your Email Address is Doing?

How many people have used an email account and then just let it go. Maybe, like my husband, you needed an "alternate" mode of communication and making contact, so you opened a Yahoo or Hotmail email, used it for 6 months or 2 years and for what ever reason left it unattended, unopened and eventually forgotten. From my experience Yahoo, Aol, Juno, Hotmail and MSN email accounts don't close themselves.
If you can recall your secret answer or still have access to the email that you used for sending password recovery information you can get back into and use an old email.
Usually, only emails that have been sent to it recently are still in the inbox. Messages from more than a few months ago are deleted. Contact information remains, but you need to be careful when you re-access the mail because sometimes you are asked questions and if you answer certain ways you retain more information, other wise you are starting fresh. Which is okay unless you are trying to find information as discussed in this blog.

Until next tine,

Jane

Too Good to Be True

I just read an online article about the possible signs of a cheating spouse and one of them was that the cheater was more attentive and nice to you. I've already mentioned how the summer of friendfinder (when my husband took out his profile on that site), he was extra ornery with me, very critical.
Now I find myself on the polar opposite and it makes me just as suspicious. He's attentive, affectionate in public, stealing kisses and the kicker is that he starts to get angry with me and stops mid sentence. I am talking about a very high strung angry person.
This is such an uncomfortable way to live, I keep looking at the line I've drawn in the sand, by this time next year I'll have made a decision and started to implement it. Until, then, it's like a chess game, I keep adjusting my pieces for action.

Until next time,

Jane

Craigslist Personals and Other Online Ads

Craigslist.org.  A lot has been said about their personal ads, but most people, who have never looked at them, don't realize that there are (or maybe by this time, 'there were') two types of personal or adult ads. One type was filled with professional escorts, strip clubs and the such and the other is what you would expect. What people called many years ago, "the lonely heart ads".
Basically, a man looking for a woman for romance, maybe more etc etc.
On craigslist and other online newspaper style ads, you can have a picture of yourself too.
Replying is done through an anonymous email remailer system, so you can stay safe, providing you don't email or post your private email or phone number.
As far as I am concerned with this blog, finding a spouse or significant other on this site can prove time consuming. Other than looking through all the ads in your area and any others close enough to be available play grounds for them, you would have to have access to their email and do an account search/forgot login.

One other site I have had experience with is Oodle.com.  You can sell a boat, look for a piano or take out an ad in their personals. Same as criaglist, you would have to look through all the ads or have email access. Though with Oodle you can set up your own account and set up an alert. In other words, you will receive an email every time an ad is posted where the man or woman is 6 ft tall and Japanese, providing their are some distinguishing features of the person you suspect is cheating.

Until next time,

Jane

Find Your Friends Online

Just a quick tip for finding out if your mate is registered with a particular dating site.

If you have gone through the trouble of signing up with dating sites that you think your spouse may be on, there is one easy way to find out if they are on that site without having to sort through hundreds of profiles. On some of these sites they will occasionally ask you or have an option to "find your friends". All that is required is that you sign into your email account from their log in (I've had no security issues with this, though of course I am not using my personal email for this) and the site will scan your address book and tell you if any of those people have a profile.
Easy, as long as you have the right address in your email. For instance. I have my husbands new hotmail email in one of my address books but not his aol email and of course if he has more that I don't know about, I can't search them. The other consideration is your email provider. In hotmail, if you add a contact, they want to send that person an invitation...that won't work. But in Yahoo and Aol they don't.

Until next time,

Jane

BBWPersonalsplus.com

There are two sides to this post, first I'm going to give a review of this site and the other is that after all this time I found a new "old" profile of my husband online.
Periodically I do a Google search for online dating or online sex personals and I go to the top recommended sites and do the profile searches I explained in my post about how to recover passwords and screen names from dating sites.
Because one day, not too long ago my husband asked me if I knew what BBW meant, I clicked on the site BBWPersonalsplus.com, which turns out to be part of the Spark network (on which he had an old profile on Americansingles.com).  On the page for forgotten password, I entered his two present email addresses and the old one he used for most of his profiles and there it was, he had a profile from 2001. Long before I met him.
But what gets me is this, we have had several conversations about the subject and every time he says that he never did that and the sheer number of old profiles I have found negate the possibility he tried one out of curiosity, so he's a liar.
Sometimes, a friend will tell me to just ask him, or confront him and I tell them that he will only lie.

Back to BBW Personals Plus...the set up is exactly like American Singles with all the same restrictions.
Read yesterdays post to get those details.

Until next time,

Jane

American Singles

I don't think I've mentioned this one, it's part of the Spark Network of dating sites. American Singles which used to be american singles.com, but now is spark.com. Anyway, this was one of the first profiles I found. See my blog about how I found it. But at that time I didn't review the site.
I guessed the password and got right in, there was a picture of my husband...imagine my surprise. Still this was from about two years before we met. He had his physical stats and what he was looking for....nothing kinky but he does have a pattern.
With American Singles or Spark....you can do a search as a non paying member, and read messages but not reply. I didn't see any racy photos, I don't believe they are allowed. In fact if you don't have a picture you can't log in.
 I got the impression there are a lot of foreign women (fake or real) that try to make contact. Though this is true on adult friend finder too and their sister sites.
Unfortunately because it was almost ten years ago that he used this site (makes you wonder what is wandering around about yourself on the internet indefinitely) I can't find out much about who he actually contacted. I can find out who he favorited and may have contacted but those members haven't been active for ten years either so there is no email or message trail.

Next time I will review one of Sparks sister sites.

Until then,

Jane

Sinful Dates

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A Picture is Worth A Thousand Dates

The online dating sites always tell you that a profile picture will get you more views and therefore more dates. The same is true for blogs...people like to see pictures and I often think of that as I type away a new post here, but then I have to chuckle. How much fun would that be to add into my blog some of the profile pictures I see, males and females showing their most private parts on line for anyone to look at. Really, think about it, posting a face photo is one thing. And as far as eHarmony or Match.com or one of the traditional dating sites, it's not so odd (unless of course you are married or otherwise attached) but to put even a picture of your face on a sex dating site is beyond me.
Which makes me wonder, I know the men do it and apparently don't care but for a woman to do it, seems a little far fetched, which brings me back around to wondering how many of those profiles are fake.

Until next time,

Jane

Dr Jekyll is Hard to Hyde

What are those sayings?
"The truth will out."
"Water seeks it's own level"
and so forth. In other words eventually things will come out that someone is trying to hide.
When I first found the friendfinder profile that my husband had...this was in Spetember of last year and the profile was started that July. I thought about that summer and it had seemed like I couldn't do anything right...that old saying of "If I say black, he'll say white."
The first thought is that he was unhappy with me, thought I was stupid as he was apt to say and that's why he went online for a relationship. But actually, I think it was that he had to justify it somehow in his mind and so he picked on me. There is no way I am going to be responsible for him behaving badly.

Anyway, the last few months it's as if we had just gotten together...well somewhat. We have had a good time, lots of laughing like we were for the first four years of our relationship...before last summer in fact.
And no, I wasn't fooled, though I was enjoying it. Almost thinking, maybe I can live like this.
Now, this past week give or take a few days, he is going back to mean and nit-picking. So, as I have been hoping, this time I will be on the look out and not miss this part of his cycle as it comes around.
So we will see.

Until next time,

Jane

Keep a Low Profile

Okay, I have some "splannin" to do Lucy, for my absense....but for now let me give you men some advice.

When writing your dating profile do not use words like "hopelessly, lonely,  oh yea and the overused and never believed "I'm new to this or I've never done this before".... even if by chance it is true, don't say so!!
Don't want to see you in your karate uniform (means your not as good as you think you are), nice car, but it doesn't mean I'll go out with you, skip your dog and when guys hold cats for profile pictures, the poor cats always look like hostages!
Why would anyone put a picture of themselves with another woman?!

One time I received a message from a man on friend finder and it was like a small novel...he went on and on about my profile and made it sund very personal to me, but then when I logged in as my 5 other profiles, there was that exact same message in those inboxes too. Very funny actually.

So there's a bit of advice because I'm sure I could think of more if I had time.

For now,

Jane