Finding on Adult Friend Finder

In my original post about AFF or adultfriendfinder, I mentioned that in the search options you were limited to the zip code your chose. Now, in all fairness I must update that to say that the site (and all their sister sites) have updated their search options.

Now you can chose to search within in several choices of miles from, your registered location or any zip code you like.

This makes it much easier to search an area with out having to plug in multiple zip codes, each one being a separate search.

Until next time,

Jane

How to Find Your Husband on Craigslist

When I check the stats for this blog I can see the search words or phrases used and since so many of them are asking the question of how to find their spouse (mostly 'husband') on a particular site I want to reiterate the reason for this blog.

Though many of my posts are somewhat of a 'review' for the different sites I don't want anyone to get the idea I am advocating using them. If you  are single that is your business but note the warnings about scams, fake profiles and other pitfalls of these sites. Not that that is true of all of them.

But, back to what I am trying to say. My 'reviews' are to help other people figure out how to find spouses on these sites and also to realize how much their spouses may actually be able to do on some of them. There are some I have mentioned that all they can do is browse and not communicate unless they pay. Not that browsing is okay. It is not, to me that's as good as saying that they don't care about the relationship and it is only a matter of time before they stray.

The main idea is that the only way (if you don't have access to your spouses email) to find them on any one of these sites is to join yourself and conduct a search and continue to search in different ways and check the notifications the site sends to you.

So I'm sorry to say that you will need to immerse yourself in the world of unfaithful people in order to find anyone. You may decide that if you have to do that, it's not worth it and you may be right.

Until next time,

Jane

Plenty of Matures at Plentyofmature.com

Kick me while I'm down already. This morning, I check my husbands hotmail. account and messages from yet another Upforit affiliate, plentyofmature.com. So I checked the deleted messages and did an undelete and sure enough there was the confirmation email from where he signed up to the site.
This time, instead of him searching anywhere or within 100 miles of our home he is searching 100 miles from a large city on the other side of our state. Is he planning on moving some time soon? Is he hoping to hook up with someone so he has a place to go to? I don't know and feel so trapped, hurt and angry.

Anyway this is the same as upforit and all their other sites.
I feel like sometime soon he is going to yank everything out from under me. He's waiting on a large sum of money. That seems to me to be the opportunity he is looking for to bolt. He may also get a job transfer and I can see him "going ahead without me." Of course if that happens I'm not going to fight it.

Oh well,
Until next time,

Jane

UpForIt Plus 1

Back to the UpForIt sites. In the beginning I thought I was being smart by using my husbands login to gain access to the sites and his profile because I found that if I didn't log out, even if I restarted my computer and went to the website I was still logged in. But then I realized that if I remained logged in as him and he logged in from one of his email notifications the site would create a second profile, sometimes with the same screen name but most of the time it used the same screen name and added an asterisk and a number. For instance  MyProfile2012  became MyProfile2012*1  or in a few cases several more numbers were added to the end...MyProfile20124256. Add to that if he has two profiles on one site with the same screen name but different log in emails, I can log in using the screen name or the email and still get different activity results for each. Sometimes I had the feeling that which profile came up was purely a roll of the dice.
And it wasn't just me (or rather him) whenever I did a 20 mile radius search I saw a lot of the same profiles but every so often I would see one with the little addition of *1. Then I wondered if that man's wife or girlfriend had done the same as I had and hacked into the profile or possibly the screen name owner stayed logged in on their personal computer and then logged in again at work maybe?   Hmmm, naughty naughty.

Still angry and siappointed,

Jane

Where are Your Manners?

I received an email from Mate1 the other day and since I hadn't logged in in a while I did. I clicked on the members interested in me link and there was a list of about ten men running vertically down the page and what struck me as so odd was that the majority of them were wearing ball caps! Sure, I might talk to a man standing in line to pay gas or at the  grocery store that was wearing a ball cap and find him attractive but if every time I saw him his head was covered I would begin to wonder what was or wasn't under there and did he have any manners or would he clean up well for a date or social event.
Why would a man that knew he had one picture to try and catch a woman's attention and had possibly paid some money to do so would think that a small face picture of him wearing a ball cap was the very best picture and impression he could give?  Tthat doesn't say much, at least not to me as a woman.

More on Mate1 later.

Until then

Jane

Zoosk Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down

Due to the odd commercials for Zoosk,  if I were looking for a dating site for just that....dating, I wouldn't have chosen Zoosk. But since there are so many commercials I figured it's possible to find my husband lurking about, so I signed up.

The format is very good, it is the easiest so far to quickly browse through profiles.  You pick your search parameters and it brings up the first person, most have pictures. There is a forward and back button in the upper right hand corner and you can keep your mouse right there and keep pressing the arrow. If you see a profile that interests you you click the "see date card" button and the page extends with more info and then you can go right back to browsing. For myself I can cover a lot of ground in a short time.

As far as communicating with someone else, I haven't had to try that yet.

So for now, Zoosk is easy to navigate and as easy to sign up for as any of the rest of them.

Until next time,

Jane

Let's Shag at Shagaholic

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Caught Red Handed

The other morning I found an email that apparently my husband thought he had deleted, a welcome message for yet another online dating site. I was bitterly disappointed. It's a terrible feeling to see that he has the profile and then to read it and he says he is divorced looking for long term relationship. Is he just waiting until he finds something better and then he will leave?
My first impulse was to upload a picture of a donkey's ass as his profile picture, but I didn't, but I'm not through yet.
I'm trying to remain calm, I'm still not quite positioned for a confrontation. Soon, I'm hoping by August but if something comes up before I need to be prepared as much as possible.

This time I am as depressed as I was when I found the first evidence back in September of 2010...what does that tell me.  I guess the whole relationship has been a lie and if you could see how he acts with me, you would never imagine he was window shopping other women.

Oh well, until next time,

Jane

UpForIt knows How to Be Naughty at Benaughty.com

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A Few More Words About UpForIt.com

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Are You Up For It?

I've been putting off revewing my experiences with these next sites...all part of one network...because there is so much to tell. I'm not even going to try and cover it in one post.

It started with my husband offhandedly telling me he had started a profile on a site just for fun to see what would happen. I know.....I'm really stupid. But here's the info.
The site was and still is UpForIt.com
It's a company out of the UK. My husband has a profile, no picture....his location, physical stats and is rated as having a profile that is 20% complete. He is a standard non paying member. In other words he can't do much without upgrading.

Anyway, between his profile which I managed to get the password to and the fake female profiles I have made I have found out a lot. All non paying profiles, though I have seen a lot of online posts/complaints about this site where both men and women have  given in  and paid for a membership and didn't have much luck and when they tried to cancel the company continued to take payments from their banks. Not very nice. A common complaint that I saw was that just before their memberships were set to expire, they would get a lot of promising emails and then once they paid those possible hook ups vanished like a lot of smoke.

Anyway. as a non paying member you can do zip code searches and look at the profile including the main picture, their stats and anything else they have written about themselves. Then there are ice breakers you can send....5 a day. Basically you have a choice of prewritten chat up lines. You can also wink, add to favorites or as a friend. All these things do is let the other person know you are interested.

After that, unless you pay it is impossible to make contact. As a woman I am able to send instant text chats....they pop up on the lower right corner of your screen. I am also able to respond to any man that sends me one. But as a man if you try to respond it sends you to the payment page.
If you try to send a message as a man you are sent to the payment page.

Interestingly enough, as a woman....I've tried this from two different female profiles...if you send a message (which you can) you can write whatever you want because when the man gets the message it says something completely different. It's quite bizarre...so  here you send a nice message asking for more details from the man and they get a message who's information line says "boobs" and they can't read the body of the message without upgrading and paying. Rip off!

The site is easy to find your way around.

There are also chat rooms free to all non paying profiles but I haven't spent much time in there. I have read some posts where people try to put their contact info. I'll have to pay more attention and see if it gets bleeped out or if the next day the profile is gone from the database.

Until next time.....when I will also tell you about the numerous other sites same format as UpForIt.

Jane

Matchnet Online Free Dating Search Engine

If you were to go to matchnet.com and put in the right key search word and the right age group your search result would only be 8 men, one of them being my husband...with his picture even. Of course it is from 8 years ago before we even met.
Matchnet.com is a database of profiles from Spark network sites...or at least from Spark.com formerly known as Americansingles.com. You don't even need to be logged in to see the results. Of course if you want to see the entire profile of anyone you need to log in.
If you are searching for your husband online it's worth spending a little time checking it out. Depending on how good you are at online searches it may take a little bit to find results.

Hmmm...just saw a commercial for Ourtime.com...think I'll check it out.

Until next time,

Jane

Married and Still Looking

To continue with my Craigslist experiment of sorts....this afternoon I renewed or refreshed my posting, adding it back to the top of the list and received approx 30 responses already. A couple of things strike me about this. First of all I actually feel a bit bad for making some of these men  think there's a possibility of hooking up with someone, some of them seem so sincere.
Then there are the numerous men who contact me and openly admit that they are married but from the way their email is worded it sounds as if this is something they have done before. That  ring around their finger doesn't create any drag or friction at all. Amazing.
Then the last thing, and I may not be able to describe this very well, but as I read these emails it sorts of freaks me out that these are real people and if I were to contact them or go to Applebee's as one suggested...I would come face to face with person who is prepared to lube me up with a drink or something to eat and then rush me off to their hot tub or hotel room. Are hot tubs or tiki jacuzzis as one mentioned really a big deal or are they stuck in 1980's California.
Until next time,

Jane

I Found My Husbands Profile Online Is It Cheating

The questions is this:
I found my husbands profile on craigslist, friendfinder, hornymatches, etc....  is it cheating?

Some may consider it actual cheating and I can see why they would....it is mentally cheating.
For myself I see it as the intent to cheat. Even if they are saying they are only curious, they are fooling themselves.....window shop enough and you will eventually want to buy.
As I said at the beginning of this blog, I don't know if my husband cheated on me already but the online profiles tell me that if he hasn't already and he keeps doing the same, yes he will eventually cheat.
And even if he doesn't, he isn't mentally committed to me...he finds me lacking, or boring or distasteful in some respect and I find that insulting. Basically, it tells me everything I need to know.
I write this blog in order to vent, maintain my sanity and maybe help someone else.

I can check the stats on this blog which tells me how many views, which posts were viewed and the referring sites. What makes me sad is all the queries I see that basically ask the above question. "I found my husbands profile on  (fill in the blank) is it cheating?
My last thought on this is that it probably isn't the first time he's done this whether it was with you or someone else.

Until next time,

Jane

I'm Not Your Typo

At least spell check or double check your profile description, nothing like bad grammer or a typo to turn someone off or make them think they can take advantage of you, because you're not too smart.
I know I have typos in my posts, but they are just that typos....I really think a lot of these are ignorance.

Here are a few examples.

"hi all im not sale at all" I'm not even sure where he was going with this one.

"I'm no angle, let's ride....."  This was in all caps too, so he was screaming his mistake.

"I'm looking for Intemacy 7 days aweek"

"i'm seeking a life partner .marriage is a real possibly..."

"I am curious to see if there are any real people on this sight."   And that's just a quick look, I could probably write a book and fill every page.

Until next time,

Jane

I'm Looking at You Looking at Me

Still thinking about craigslist ads. The incoming messages subsided considerably, going from an impressive 80 the first 24 hours to a mere handful a day. One ad stuck in my head...he said that he had waited a few days to contact me in order to let all the spam emails come through so his wouldn't be lost in the crowd. Interesting.
Another plus to craigslist, in some ways, is that people can't see when you have read their ads or how many times you have read it. On all the sites I've been on, if you look a someone's profile they receive a message or are notified in some way that you did just that.
On the other hand, other than the emails I have no idea of how many times or who has looked at my ad.

Until later,

Jane

Craigslist Personals Have an Ad Vantage

I know I've mentioned craigslist personals briefly but for various reasons I decided to give them a try.
Here's what I have found out:

I didn't need to set up a craigslist account to post a personal ad....I just hit post, filled it out and followed directions.

I thought I may get a few responses....ha!! in less than 24 hours I had close to 80 responses. They come straight from the persons email  or iphone or android...it tells you in the message how the message was sent.

Men have sent pictures, both nude and not. A lot of the replies are actually nicer than the messages received on dating/sex sites and some people have even sent their phone numbers. One man invited me to meet him for dinner tonight.

This is both good and bad if you are looking for a real hook up.....you could be meeting a creep but the ease of communicating is amazing.

I went to my own ad (since I don't really want to communicate with anyone) and hit the reply button....you are asked to identify the squiggly words and then are given an email (a craigslist  anonymous email) address to reply to. Easy.

For myself I have deleted the ones that are obviously not my husband...thanks for the pictures, and flagging a few possibilities. My husband has been spending a lot of time on craigslist lately.....hmm.

Until later,

Jane

What Part Didn't You Understand?

I found an article on line last night, it may be a blog, I'm not certain, but what was interesting in that it was a woman talking about finding out that her boyfriend has an online dating profile. What I found interesting and sad, was that she states the obvious (and it seems it was difficult for her to act on too) that the very existence of the profile is all you really need to know. It is an absolute statement about the relationship....as in what part didn't you understand. And as I have said, it's not the understanding part that seems to be so difficult, it is the comprehending that sucks. Something like the shock you may have upon finding a stranger in your home. Most people are stunned for a moment their brains trying to make sense out of a senseless situation.
I suppose if I approached this situation with the same "I better make a move or my life may depend on it" attitude I would take on finding an intruder I would be better off.
Yes, (I was counting last night) it's been a year and a half since I found out about my husbands friendfinder profile. That's all there is to know. By sticking around all I've done is become sadder and angrier. Of course I'm not in a financial position to leave and that's what I've been working on since it is the only thing I can do anything about.
So, here is the article that inspired this rant, it's worth reading.
Here is a quote from it that descriptions that moment (with the intruder) when our brains are trying to sort it all out.
"What did I really do, when I discovered my boyfriend had an active online dating account (VIP membership, checked within the past 24 hours). I listened to his ridiculous story about how he’d prepaid for a year. And had just coincidentally looked at it the day before because they kept sending him email. Out of curiosity."

Passwords that are Memorable

I've mentioned before about using the same password if creating multiple profiles and am reminded today and one of the benefits to that system.
Some dating/sex sites send update emails daily or quite often. Others, specially if you don't log in often site don't. This morning I received an update email from a site I had forgotten I was registered on. The email itself didn't have a direct login link (which I prefer) but because I use the same password, I had no trouble logging in.

Until next time,

Jane

Gone But Not Forgotten

I haven't been here for a while. It had nothing to do with the holidays but more frustration.  For the past several months I've had secret access to my husbands alternative email, the one from which all this started where I found his friendfinder profile info. An added bonus lately was that he had his primary email forwarded to this mailbox and I have had access to that too. Then out of the blue he stops the forwarding. Which to me could mean several things.
He suspected I had access, which I sort of doubt because he is so arrogant that he wouldn't even think I had a clue.
He has tired of the online cheating scene, which I also doubt.
Or, he has decided to drop the alternative email address as his point of contact and has opened yet another email account. This is what I think is happening.
Look back at my post about email address that are not officially closed but left open.
So I wonder if he is gearing up again and I'm back to having to check every single email notification from all the online dating/sex sites and check all the profiles that look at mine.

Basically, 2 steps forward and 10 back.

Jane