Not Enough Options

I wish I had more information on how to find a cheating spouse on craigslist, or friendfinder, but all I have is what I have shared so far......unless you have access to someone's email it takes a lot of online time, sorting and weeding out in order to get lucky enough to find out anything definite.

The extra Hotmail email my husband was using for all the online dating sites, over the last few weeks he has stopped getting much if any activity there. I've wondered if he has opened another alternate email address. It wouldn't surprise me since he has a habit of leaving additional email accounts all over the net. And some of the search engines I have mentioned, Pipl. Spokeo, zabasearch to name a few can't give me info on an person's email, if they don't put their real name on it when they register.

But the one thing I have learned is to wait and keep quiet. Eventually he will slip, or something else wil tip me off.

Until that happens,

Jane

User Name Look Up True Dater

There is a site I have run across several time  http://truedater.com/   TrueDater. Search for daters by username.  Pretty simple, you type in a username and if they are in their database a list of the sites, social and some dating sites shows up with a little of their info. At the bottom is a list of other screen names they are known to use.

Though the only way this will work well is if the info has been put in their. This relies on people feeding the site the info.

It's a place for some of you to start placing info you know is accurate. Or searching as well. Of course if a married person has a user name but never was found out for being a cheater they wouldn't be in the database.

And if the person cheated with may not care enough to complain.

I need to think about this more, there must be a way for people to put their spouses info out there and see if anyone else has more information.

Until next time,

Jane

Follow Up

He came home from work and acted as if nothing had happened. Can you imagine being accused of having online dating profiles and not responding. He has done this before, acted as if I never said anything.

That's why the articles that say talk to your spouse, confront them are only good for people with normal relationships. If you are in a relationship with a liar and/or cheater they pretty much act like psychopaths.

Until next time


Jane

Really, it's Not You, it's Me

How often have we heard (or used) that lame excuse to get out of a relationship. We all know it's a lie...okay, there may be a few instances where it is true.

Just the other week my husband was explaining to me a particular ploy that men use...it came up in regards to a woman in a relationship with a jerk. My husband told me that he's the type that stays with her to have a place to hang out and as long as it goes smoothly. Meanwhile he is looking for the next woman to get  with, maybe a better situation. I asked, why doesn't he just leave? He told me that "guys like that" will wait until the woman does something to make him mad so he can leave and say it was her fault.

Yesterday, we had an incident....a situation, a family situation. Nothing so awful really...no one else there thought it was worth calling it quits over or even really getting mad about. But I got mad (I didn't yell or scream) but I spoke up saying that he didn't need to act like an ass, he could have dealt with the situation better. So since yesterday afternoon  he has barely spoken to me and left for work today angry saying that what I had done was a deal breaker.

Of course, I got mad again and said if that was worth leaving over he was crazy, that if he thought that was bad how about multiple online dating profiles like he had?

So, I fully expect him to come home today and say that's it, we're over.  Just like the guy in his example, he has waited for me to do something so he can leave and say it was me.

Until next time,

Jane

Time Travel on the Internet

I admit I spend a certain amount of time retro searching for my husband's online profiles. As I stated at the start of this blog, finding a list of email address was the start of discovering his tendency towards cheating online. Then using those old email addresses to collect info on old dating profiles. As a result, I find myself searching or retro searching for old profiles in order to glean information or tendencies from them.

Considering that in the four years alone, before my husband met me he probably worked in 40 to 50 different places. Some places he was only there for a few weeks, others for months.

One way I do this is to use a profile I have created, say on adult friend finder, and do a search in one of those cities that I know he stayed in for several weeks or more. So far this hasn't turned up anything I hadn't already known.

Until next time,

Jane

Cheating Husband Finder

If only there was a search engine or data base that made finding online profiles from dating sites possible.
Apparently, several years ago there was one but I don't know if it actually worked. I suspect dating sites guard their privacy.

Though if I haven't already mention it and if I have, it's worth mentioning again, sometimes you can google a persons profile name or screen name. I happen  to know one of my husbands dating profile names and it does come up in a google search. Even a srceen name, or the first part of an email address....minus the @ and everything after that is worth a try.

Spokeo.com has a limited free search but you can search a persons email and see if they have several profiles. The free version only shows you a row of profile icons or pictures but no information, though sometimes you can figure these things out.

I don't know that a private detective could find out anyone either, but I don't know.

Just a few thoughts.

Until next time,

Jane

One Hotmail, Two Hotmail Three Hotmail More??

The hotmail account my husband has been using for the last 2 years is the one where I have found all the account details for his Up For It (and all their related sites) account info, the friendfinder info (which is what started all of this) and account info for XXXmatch.

Now all of a sudden there are no emails coming in  for any of those accounts. So the last few days I logged into several of them and checked the account settings. He did not unsubscribe or cancel the accounts but he did uncheck all the email notification choices. There has been no activity (on his part) so what does this mean?

Has he changed his ways? Not likely.
Bored with those sites where he can't really make any contact? Possibly
Met someone outside of his computer life?  Maybe
Opened a new Hotmail account? Quite possibly.
Felt a little guilty with Mother's Day on the horizon?  Unlikely, but maybe.


So I'm left with wondering if he has a new alternate email address or is logging in from his regular email and has opened accounts on new sites.

So once again I am back to square one am opening accounts on new sites and continuing to monitor the old ones.

Too bad I can't feel that maybe he has had a change of heart. But I know from before that even if he has, he will eventually go back to his trolling ways.

Until next time,

Jane

Finding on Adult Friend Finder

In my original post about AFF or adultfriendfinder, I mentioned that in the search options you were limited to the zip code your chose. Now, in all fairness I must update that to say that the site (and all their sister sites) have updated their search options.

Now you can chose to search within in several choices of miles from, your registered location or any zip code you like.

This makes it much easier to search an area with out having to plug in multiple zip codes, each one being a separate search.

Until next time,

Jane

How to Find Your Husband on Craigslist

When I check the stats for this blog I can see the search words or phrases used and since so many of them are asking the question of how to find their spouse (mostly 'husband') on a particular site I want to reiterate the reason for this blog.

Though many of my posts are somewhat of a 'review' for the different sites I don't want anyone to get the idea I am advocating using them. If you  are single that is your business but note the warnings about scams, fake profiles and other pitfalls of these sites. Not that that is true of all of them.

But, back to what I am trying to say. My 'reviews' are to help other people figure out how to find spouses on these sites and also to realize how much their spouses may actually be able to do on some of them. There are some I have mentioned that all they can do is browse and not communicate unless they pay. Not that browsing is okay. It is not, to me that's as good as saying that they don't care about the relationship and it is only a matter of time before they stray.

The main idea is that the only way (if you don't have access to your spouses email) to find them on any one of these sites is to join yourself and conduct a search and continue to search in different ways and check the notifications the site sends to you.

So I'm sorry to say that you will need to immerse yourself in the world of unfaithful people in order to find anyone. You may decide that if you have to do that, it's not worth it and you may be right.

Until next time,

Jane

Plenty of Matures at Plentyofmature.com

Kick me while I'm down already. This morning, I check my husbands hotmail. account and messages from yet another Upforit affiliate, plentyofmature.com. So I checked the deleted messages and did an undelete and sure enough there was the confirmation email from where he signed up to the site.
This time, instead of him searching anywhere or within 100 miles of our home he is searching 100 miles from a large city on the other side of our state. Is he planning on moving some time soon? Is he hoping to hook up with someone so he has a place to go to? I don't know and feel so trapped, hurt and angry.

Anyway this is the same as upforit and all their other sites.
I feel like sometime soon he is going to yank everything out from under me. He's waiting on a large sum of money. That seems to me to be the opportunity he is looking for to bolt. He may also get a job transfer and I can see him "going ahead without me." Of course if that happens I'm not going to fight it.

Oh well,
Until next time,

Jane

UpForIt Plus 1

Back to the UpForIt sites. In the beginning I thought I was being smart by using my husbands login to gain access to the sites and his profile because I found that if I didn't log out, even if I restarted my computer and went to the website I was still logged in. But then I realized that if I remained logged in as him and he logged in from one of his email notifications the site would create a second profile, sometimes with the same screen name but most of the time it used the same screen name and added an asterisk and a number. For instance  MyProfile2012  became MyProfile2012*1  or in a few cases several more numbers were added to the end...MyProfile20124256. Add to that if he has two profiles on one site with the same screen name but different log in emails, I can log in using the screen name or the email and still get different activity results for each. Sometimes I had the feeling that which profile came up was purely a roll of the dice.
And it wasn't just me (or rather him) whenever I did a 20 mile radius search I saw a lot of the same profiles but every so often I would see one with the little addition of *1. Then I wondered if that man's wife or girlfriend had done the same as I had and hacked into the profile or possibly the screen name owner stayed logged in on their personal computer and then logged in again at work maybe?   Hmmm, naughty naughty.

Still angry and siappointed,

Jane

Where are Your Manners?

I received an email from Mate1 the other day and since I hadn't logged in in a while I did. I clicked on the members interested in me link and there was a list of about ten men running vertically down the page and what struck me as so odd was that the majority of them were wearing ball caps! Sure, I might talk to a man standing in line to pay gas or at the  grocery store that was wearing a ball cap and find him attractive but if every time I saw him his head was covered I would begin to wonder what was or wasn't under there and did he have any manners or would he clean up well for a date or social event.
Why would a man that knew he had one picture to try and catch a woman's attention and had possibly paid some money to do so would think that a small face picture of him wearing a ball cap was the very best picture and impression he could give?  Tthat doesn't say much, at least not to me as a woman.

More on Mate1 later.

Until then

Jane

Zoosk Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down

Due to the odd commercials for Zoosk,  if I were looking for a dating site for just that....dating, I wouldn't have chosen Zoosk. But since there are so many commercials I figured it's possible to find my husband lurking about, so I signed up.

The format is very good, it is the easiest so far to quickly browse through profiles.  You pick your search parameters and it brings up the first person, most have pictures. There is a forward and back button in the upper right hand corner and you can keep your mouse right there and keep pressing the arrow. If you see a profile that interests you you click the "see date card" button and the page extends with more info and then you can go right back to browsing. For myself I can cover a lot of ground in a short time.

As far as communicating with someone else, I haven't had to try that yet.

So for now, Zoosk is easy to navigate and as easy to sign up for as any of the rest of them.

Until next time,

Jane

Let's Shag at Shagaholic

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Caught Red Handed

The other morning I found an email that apparently my husband thought he had deleted, a welcome message for yet another online dating site. I was bitterly disappointed. It's a terrible feeling to see that he has the profile and then to read it and he says he is divorced looking for long term relationship. Is he just waiting until he finds something better and then he will leave?
My first impulse was to upload a picture of a donkey's ass as his profile picture, but I didn't, but I'm not through yet.
I'm trying to remain calm, I'm still not quite positioned for a confrontation. Soon, I'm hoping by August but if something comes up before I need to be prepared as much as possible.

This time I am as depressed as I was when I found the first evidence back in September of 2010...what does that tell me.  I guess the whole relationship has been a lie and if you could see how he acts with me, you would never imagine he was window shopping other women.

Oh well, until next time,

Jane

UpForIt knows How to Be Naughty at Benaughty.com

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A Few More Words About UpForIt.com

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Are You Up For It?

I've been putting off revewing my experiences with these next sites...all part of one network...because there is so much to tell. I'm not even going to try and cover it in one post.

It started with my husband offhandedly telling me he had started a profile on a site just for fun to see what would happen. I know.....I'm really stupid. But here's the info.
The site was and still is UpForIt.com
It's a company out of the UK. My husband has a profile, no picture....his location, physical stats and is rated as having a profile that is 20% complete. He is a standard non paying member. In other words he can't do much without upgrading.

Anyway, between his profile which I managed to get the password to and the fake female profiles I have made I have found out a lot. All non paying profiles, though I have seen a lot of online posts/complaints about this site where both men and women have  given in  and paid for a membership and didn't have much luck and when they tried to cancel the company continued to take payments from their banks. Not very nice. A common complaint that I saw was that just before their memberships were set to expire, they would get a lot of promising emails and then once they paid those possible hook ups vanished like a lot of smoke.

Anyway. as a non paying member you can do zip code searches and look at the profile including the main picture, their stats and anything else they have written about themselves. Then there are ice breakers you can send....5 a day. Basically you have a choice of prewritten chat up lines. You can also wink, add to favorites or as a friend. All these things do is let the other person know you are interested.

After that, unless you pay it is impossible to make contact. As a woman I am able to send instant text chats....they pop up on the lower right corner of your screen. I am also able to respond to any man that sends me one. But as a man if you try to respond it sends you to the payment page.
If you try to send a message as a man you are sent to the payment page.

Interestingly enough, as a woman....I've tried this from two different female profiles...if you send a message (which you can) you can write whatever you want because when the man gets the message it says something completely different. It's quite bizarre...so  here you send a nice message asking for more details from the man and they get a message who's information line says "boobs" and they can't read the body of the message without upgrading and paying. Rip off!

The site is easy to find your way around.

There are also chat rooms free to all non paying profiles but I haven't spent much time in there. I have read some posts where people try to put their contact info. I'll have to pay more attention and see if it gets bleeped out or if the next day the profile is gone from the database.

Until next time.....when I will also tell you about the numerous other sites same format as UpForIt.

Jane

Matchnet Online Free Dating Search Engine

If you were to go to matchnet.com and put in the right key search word and the right age group your search result would only be 8 men, one of them being my husband...with his picture even. Of course it is from 8 years ago before we even met.
Matchnet.com is a database of profiles from Spark network sites...or at least from Spark.com formerly known as Americansingles.com. You don't even need to be logged in to see the results. Of course if you want to see the entire profile of anyone you need to log in.
If you are searching for your husband online it's worth spending a little time checking it out. Depending on how good you are at online searches it may take a little bit to find results.

Hmmm...just saw a commercial for Ourtime.com...think I'll check it out.

Until next time,

Jane

Married and Still Looking

To continue with my Craigslist experiment of sorts....this afternoon I renewed or refreshed my posting, adding it back to the top of the list and received approx 30 responses already. A couple of things strike me about this. First of all I actually feel a bit bad for making some of these men  think there's a possibility of hooking up with someone, some of them seem so sincere.
Then there are the numerous men who contact me and openly admit that they are married but from the way their email is worded it sounds as if this is something they have done before. That  ring around their finger doesn't create any drag or friction at all. Amazing.
Then the last thing, and I may not be able to describe this very well, but as I read these emails it sorts of freaks me out that these are real people and if I were to contact them or go to Applebee's as one suggested...I would come face to face with person who is prepared to lube me up with a drink or something to eat and then rush me off to their hot tub or hotel room. Are hot tubs or tiki jacuzzis as one mentioned really a big deal or are they stuck in 1980's California.
Until next time,

Jane