Revenge on Cheating Spouse

I saw this article/video this morning. In itself it is interesting and I think many of us understand how this man felt when finding his wife on a dating site.

But what was even more interesting to me were the comments about the article. A lot of men commenting on having been cheated on and how hurt and betrayed they felt.

On my blog here, I get a lot of women readers and seekers as shown to me by my blogger stats. The search words and phrases that land people on my blog are searches about cheating husbands...even though I have cheating spouses as tag words on my entries.

And we all know that women cheat too, though I am guilty of seeing all men as potential cheaters. So it was a needed reminder for me to read about men having the same hurt feelings and betrayal as I have felt.

Never Enough Sex

I just published and answered a comment on one of my other posts. The man stated that those of us with cheating husbands are prudes and don't have enough sex with them.

If you read my response to this rude person I explained that my husband and I for years had plenty of sex every days. Hours of sex. Sex while watching pornography, sex in vehicles, sexy lingerie, all the blow jobs he ever wanted.

It wasn't until I found out he was being a jerk that I pulled back from  his sexually and even then not completely. If he asks, he gets it.

But a long time ago I stopped asking because I realized we had lots of sex....lots of sex, when and where and how he wanted it. The pornography we watched was always what he wanted to watch and the oral sex only went one direction. And during all that I was never kissed, or had my neck kissed or any of those things that make a woman respond with desire.


Cheating may be about not enough sex sometimes and I'm sure that if you asked my husband now he would say he doesn't get enough, but he can't recall that his actions are what caused me to not want to accommodate his every sexual desire.

I've seen ads on craigslist by men saying their wife doesn't have sex with them anymore and they are looking for someone to have sex with. One man talked about kisses and massages and oral sex.

I wanted to respond to them and say why don't you put some of that effort into your spouse and see if she doesn't respond.

Nuff said,

Until next time,

Jane

30 Days of Fun for One Low Price

Until recently to pay for access of Adult Friend Finder, or any of their other sites, which was the only way to be able to view someone's complete profile or interact with them,  was a decent chunk of change per month. But worth it if that's what you want.

But suppose you don't want that sort of recurring financial commitment?

Now you can pay $2.95 in order to see one members profile and have access to seeing it for 30 days.

It's called a "single profile view"

I was trying to see how the charge would be labeled, but can't find that information at this time.

I do have that information for some of the other sites, good to know. After all, who would be suspicious of a $3 charge on their husbands credit card or bank account?

Until next time,

Jane

The Other Woman, Cell Phone, Email

Some of you may know the feeling you got when you found your spouses other cell phone or email. That sinking energy draining feeling of falling.

I had forgotten that feeling, I had become complacent because I have to admit that I would miss my husband terribly if he were gone.

But it all came crushing down on my the other day. He asked me to do something for him on his computer....even gave me the sign in and password to a new email he had to make for a particular site (a non dating site). Before I sat down to do it for him I had an errand to run. The feeling that sank into my gut as I was running the errand drained me. I had forgotten how horrible I had felt the first time I found the dating email in his "other" email. The email he had for 6 months before I found out about it.

I have been living in a delusion. He's been so good lately. To my surprise he had given up a weekly opportunity that gave him a chance to be online privately. The time he had been using to check his dating profiles, or make new ones. He had bought me gifts I had really been wanting. He hadn't bought me gifts in years.

Sure, I had fallen in to the luke warm, brain numbing waters of denial. I had fallen willingly.

But those awful feelings I had while running that errand. Later I found out that the new email really was new...only hours old. But of course that doesn't change anything.

Where do I go with this? I don't know.

Until next time,

Jane

Is He Cheating Using Mobile Device or Computer

Wonder if your spouse or boyfriend is using his cell phone to cheat? Have you already found one or some of his online dating profiles?

On some of the sites...next to the username there is a small graphic of a computer screen or cell phone. That tells you if your cheater is using his computer or has added the sites mobile option.

So far, my husband has little computers next to his cheater names. Now that he has a smart phone will those change?

Until next time

 Jane

Cheating on the Go

There's a site Singlesaroundme that boasts an app for you cell phone that allows you to see on a map anyone from the same dating site that may be in the vicinity.

I haven't made a profile for this site as I don't use internet on my phone and wouldn't want that on my phone anyway.

Funny though, my husband Mr. "I only want to make phone calls on my cell" has transformed into Mr. "I want a smart phone." Hmmm. I can put him off for awhile but eventually he'll get one unless of course he has already bought a prepaid one. It wouldn't surprise me.

Just another way for creepy people to be just that, creepy spouses.

Until next time,

Jane

Best Advice About A Cheating Spouse

The other morning I was thinking about all the cat and mouse hide and seek I have been doing across the internet with or about my husband over the past two years.

If I could do it all over again from the first email I found that said he had matches on friendfinder knowing what I know now, this is what I would have done. And here is my best advice if you find evidence of a cheating spouse.

In my case, an email leading directly to an online dating profile.....no doubt it was my husbands. If I had know then what the best move was by this point it would all be done one way or the other.

This is what I should have done. Instead of confronting him and listening to him lie and deny, I should have forwarded the email to my email account (as I did, so that I could easily log in using the link in the email) but instead of asking him about it I should have kept my mouth shut and watched to see what he did. Chances are he would have communicated with somebody and arranged a meeting, Then there would be no questions or wondering. It would be done.

Until next time,

Jane

Adult Friend Finder Update

In my previous posts about AFF and their similar alias sites such as Adult XXX Date I had mentioned that the search was annoying because it only brought up profiles from the actual zip code you searched for, but for awhile now.....maybe they read my blog!!!....they  have updated their search options.

Now you can search within a zip code, your registered location or any location  and have the option for as little as 5 miles from that location up to  within several 10,000 miles.

Until next time,

Jane

I'd Recognize You Anywhere!!

So you have been searching online dating sites to see if your husband (yes, it could be your wife) has a  profile. One of three  things will show up if they do. A profile with no picture, in which you have to deduce it it could be them, a BINGO...profile with their photo. Hopefully they are not one of the extra tacky ones (because lets face it, if they are attached and on here to begin with they are already, by nature, tacky at best). And lastly the genital shot.

So here is my question. Could you identify your boyfriend/husband by their penis alone? Think about it.  Of course there are a few tips I can give you. Look at the background. Do you recognize the thread on your couch, or the light fixture above them. Sometimes they have their computer screen in the background or simply the top half of a door frame. Take a look, you can deduce quite a bit from a few small details (I'll refrain from the obvious zinger here).

Until next time,


Jane

The Long and the Short of it

I found a whole new dating niche the other say. Well new and news to me. Tall dating. Tall people wanting to date other tall people and of course short people wanting to date tall people. I can understand short women with tall men and tall women with shorter men who don't mind but to purposely seek out a short man...I don't know. And of course I know that there are short men who want taller women and I don't want to think about that too much.

Anyway, there are several sites geared towards 'tall dating' out there. One is datetallpeople.com I found it in a google search. The sign up was pretty much standard as I have mentioned before.
I set up a profile both as a man and as a woman. Once you are successfully logged in a screen comes up asking for payment...don't be scared, just click on your profile or search and it goes away. Sort of a strong arm scare you into paying tactic.

Everything else is standard. You receive emails some with pictures some without telling you that someone is interested in you.

There are other niche dating sites I will eventually review.

Until next time,

Jane

Time to Come Clean

I had a moment today when I asked myself..."Did my husband really over explain why he was going to take a shower before going to work today?"  Really. I have never heard him give me reasons for showering. Red flag anyone?

Funny too, because the past few weeks he has been very nostalgic about when we first got together and how pretty I look in pictures and so on. And I have to admit that I did sit back and become a bit complacent......wouldn't it be so easy if he gave up his old ways and I could settle back down with the man I thought I had fallen in love with, but every so often the truth would bubble up to the surface and eventually and I had to remind myself of the facts. Multiple online dating profiles from before he met me and after. Those after he met me spanning over several years, the last few AFTER I told him it was unacceptable to me.

All I can do is enjoy what ever decent time we have together, not forget the truth and keep preparing. So that's where it stands today.

Until next time,

Jane

Lost in MS City, Utah

And why are all the men on certain dating sites from there? I've mentioned the Benaughty Upforit, Shagaholic, Plentyofmature, Sugarbbw websites and there are many more sister sites. But one thing I haven't covered is this, for some reason if you sign up for one of their dating sites, the default location seems to be MS City, Utah. That's where you will be located if you aren't paying attention.

The problem is for every site my husband has one or two versions of his original profile, he also has a MS City, Utah version too. It's gets a bit complicated because if you do a search for your spouse using MS City, there are a disproportionate amount of profiles for that area. There are approx 120,000  of both men and women in Ms City. I get fewer hits in a search for my husband in a much larger metropolitan area than I do in Utah because so many profiles are lost here.

I see profiles in my regular search and I also see many of the same people or some permutation there of in the MS City searches I do.

Until next time,

Jane

Who's the Chump Now?

I happened across an interesting blog written by a woman who was cheated on, got out of the marriage and survived.

One of the things she mentions is that the cheater marries because he needs something from "us"....I'll let you read the post

WHY DO CHEATERS GET MARRIED?

But what struck me in particular was the mention of the financial trap.

When I met my husband I didn't have a lot going for me as far as earning potential, but I had my own home, no other debt and a great credit rating.
Today, I have rotten credit, my home isn't paid off (as he promised to do but when he had the money for that instead he helped his family and bought sports cars) and I have enormous credit card debt.

I know I'm trapped and I used to think he just put his family before me, but today it gelled in my mind.....he only puts himself first and helping out his family was as much about keeping me in debt as anything else.

But since last year I've had a timeline, a plan for what steps I need to take in order to be independent.
Even if I don't leave right away I need to know I can.


Until next time,

Jane

Dating Profile Anonymous Picture

I mentioned last time about becoming familiar with the different website anonymous user  avatar or grayman. So I thought about it and thought I may be able to help. Over several posts I will show you some of the anonymous user profile pictures for some of the websites I've already mentioned.

For today here are a few:
These first two are the female and male profile pictures from friendfinder (if the user doesn't upload a picture of corse.)

These next two are from zoosk...I don't know why the male has a couple in the picture.

Last ones for today....these are from an email from BBpeoplemeet again, I don't know why they represent male profiles with 3 different one.

Hope this helps.

Jane

Where is My Husband On Line?

I've mentioned before that if you have set up your own profiles on dating sites to be sure and check the emails they send to you in order not to miss one that may have your spouses profile featured in it.

Another reason to check these emails is this:  Each dating/personals site have their own graphics...the little picture of a heart, intertwined hearts, or other logo. They also have certain colors associated with their site and the set up of the profile pictures they send in the email are done a certain way. Some sites send a list style with fairly large profile pictures. Other send a grid. Some have thick blue lines between each profile...etc. You get the idea. Lastely, on each site, the "grayman" for those who don't upload a profile picture is distinctive. Some look like the generic hotmail man...or myspace man (of course the myspace has multiple men). Some are a gray shadow and so on.

One reason it is important to become familiar or pay attention to these differences is sometimes you can catch a glimpse of your spouses computer screen and if they are like my husband who is so smug that he thinks he's getting away with something they will look at their emails...or even possibly the site itself, while you are in the same room. So you catch a glimpse of an email he's looking at with rows of pictures....hmmmm, that's not facebook. Could me match or several others.

Right now my husband doesn't appear to be visiting the sites he had been for the past year, so I'm not stupid enough to think he has changed his ways, instead I need a clue as to what he is doing.

Yesterday he was looking at an email that sent rows of pictures, so as I was checking email this morning I was paying attention.

I also saw him signing up for a site and all I could see was a cartoon palm tree and it said "it's easy" and the grayman   looked like the msn man but two of them in bright yellow. Still haven't figured that one out.

Until next time....pay attention.

Jane

What's Your Fetish

Sometimes you need to search for dating sites that cater to someone's particular desires. I've already spoken about adultfriendfinder and their sister site alt.com  for assorted fetishes. But then there are things such as large breasts or small breasts. There are some sites that supposedly feature women with those particular qualities. Also on the adultfriendfinder sites and a few others, if you are a paying member you can add physical attributes such as bust size to your search criteria.

Is you spouse attracted to heavy or obese people, there are sites for that too.

This post is going to be about tall people. My husband is short and has a thing about tall women.....color me surprised. So I figured I better hang around a few tall people sites too.
One is datetallpeoeple.com. Sign up is typical...they send you the same type of notifications It is more G rated. Search is pretty easy and a lot of the profiles have pictures.
Here's the thing I just found out. I have a profile on here, stating that I am a tall women.....I have been contacted so far by tall men.

As I was looking at my home page, just this moment  I saw some links......one leads to a dat widowers dating site (amazing) and the other is datetallwomen. I suppose I better sign up there too.

Never ending, maybe there is an end in sight soon for me.

Until then

Jane

Not Enough Options

I wish I had more information on how to find a cheating spouse on craigslist, or friendfinder, but all I have is what I have shared so far......unless you have access to someone's email it takes a lot of online time, sorting and weeding out in order to get lucky enough to find out anything definite.

The extra Hotmail email my husband was using for all the online dating sites, over the last few weeks he has stopped getting much if any activity there. I've wondered if he has opened another alternate email address. It wouldn't surprise me since he has a habit of leaving additional email accounts all over the net. And some of the search engines I have mentioned, Pipl. Spokeo, zabasearch to name a few can't give me info on an person's email, if they don't put their real name on it when they register.

But the one thing I have learned is to wait and keep quiet. Eventually he will slip, or something else wil tip me off.

Until that happens,

Jane

User Name Look Up True Dater

There is a site I have run across several time  http://truedater.com/   TrueDater. Search for daters by username.  Pretty simple, you type in a username and if they are in their database a list of the sites, social and some dating sites shows up with a little of their info. At the bottom is a list of other screen names they are known to use.

Though the only way this will work well is if the info has been put in their. This relies on people feeding the site the info.

It's a place for some of you to start placing info you know is accurate. Or searching as well. Of course if a married person has a user name but never was found out for being a cheater they wouldn't be in the database.

And if the person cheated with may not care enough to complain.

I need to think about this more, there must be a way for people to put their spouses info out there and see if anyone else has more information.

Until next time,

Jane

Follow Up

He came home from work and acted as if nothing had happened. Can you imagine being accused of having online dating profiles and not responding. He has done this before, acted as if I never said anything.

That's why the articles that say talk to your spouse, confront them are only good for people with normal relationships. If you are in a relationship with a liar and/or cheater they pretty much act like psychopaths.

Until next time


Jane

Really, it's Not You, it's Me

How often have we heard (or used) that lame excuse to get out of a relationship. We all know it's a lie...okay, there may be a few instances where it is true.

Just the other week my husband was explaining to me a particular ploy that men use...it came up in regards to a woman in a relationship with a jerk. My husband told me that he's the type that stays with her to have a place to hang out and as long as it goes smoothly. Meanwhile he is looking for the next woman to get  with, maybe a better situation. I asked, why doesn't he just leave? He told me that "guys like that" will wait until the woman does something to make him mad so he can leave and say it was her fault.

Yesterday, we had an incident....a situation, a family situation. Nothing so awful really...no one else there thought it was worth calling it quits over or even really getting mad about. But I got mad (I didn't yell or scream) but I spoke up saying that he didn't need to act like an ass, he could have dealt with the situation better. So since yesterday afternoon  he has barely spoken to me and left for work today angry saying that what I had done was a deal breaker.

Of course, I got mad again and said if that was worth leaving over he was crazy, that if he thought that was bad how about multiple online dating profiles like he had?

So, I fully expect him to come home today and say that's it, we're over.  Just like the guy in his example, he has waited for me to do something so he can leave and say it was me.

Until next time,

Jane