Tracker Hacker

So I have a locating service on his cell phone. 99 % of the info I've gotten is that he is exactly where he is suppose to be when he is suppose to be there! In fact, there are even times when he could have hedged his time and told me he was still at work and been somewhere else for a half hour or or more and he didn't.
With one small exception and I don't know what to do with the info.
One day of the week he shoots off  to work, gets there earlier than usual and for a half hour before he goes in to work he's parked in the parking lot (it's a very large lot) and here's the issue. He's parked for that period of time in a totally different area than he usually parks in. On a different side of the building than usual, where different people would park than normally park next to him. See where I'm going  with this?
I suppose that next week I need to put something on the passenger seat of his vehicle and see if it is gone when he gets home. Maybe a small scrap of paper that would only be affected by someone getting in and out on that side. Something placed from the drivers side, so that it is between the passenger seat and the door and has to fall if the door is opened.

Until then,

Jane

Shoulda Coulda Woulda

I ask myself at least once a day, "If I had plenty of money would I leave?" As someone looking on at my situation I would  think the answer would be YES!! But looking at it from inside myself, really thinking about the possibility, Im not so sure. There are more reasons than just the online mess that would make me want to leave, but the one fact, the worst fact is that I really like being with him. I always have, it's been the main distinguishing feature of my relationship with him. I've never felt this way about anyone. I miss him when he's gone, it feels like he is part of me. For the first few years I felt as if I had met my other half.

On the other hand, I'm miserable and can't continue like this for long. I do have a fantasy about living somewhere by myself, doing the things I want to do, having my home the way I want it to be. I suppose I don't want to have to go through the inevitable amount of pain it will take to get from her to there, at least not by my initiation.  Something more for me to really think about.

Jane

Coping with all the Emotions of the Online Affairs

As I stated at the beginning of this blog, my only credentials on this subject is that I am going through it, or so I think. In some ways what is going on doesn't seem so clear cut.
For instance, there have been several opportunities where my husband could have covered time... said he was still at work and be doing something else.
There have been no unexplained chunks of time, not even small chunks. How I know that is another post.

So, I decided to sort through some of the other blogs about this subject and founs a very good one, which I think I will revisit often.
<http://surviveyourpartnersaffair.com> by Jeff Murrah.
Today, since my last blog I mentioned just how furious I was feeling..not angry, but blood boiling furious, I found some posts about just that subject. Then it goes on to fear, both of course steps in the grieving process. Because yes, I am grieving because what I though I had for a marriage will never be there.

Back to Jeff Murrah blog. Here is the posts on anger.

For today,


Jane

Adultery

I don't think enough can be said about the emotional impact on the cheated on spouse. My feelings are on a roller coaster. If you read previous posts you can see that at times I just tried to see the humor or stupidity in the online dating profiles I saw, other times I am confused, but lately I have been furious. To the point where I didn't think I could keep my mouth shut. It would take hours to calm down.
The last two days I think I have sunk into a depression and worst of all it seems as if my feelings toward him are changing.

I heard someone say once, you'll love them madly, hate them madly, but when there are no feelings is when you know it's over.
Don't know if that is where I am, but there is an emotional chasm opening up.

Jane

Confront a Cheating Husband? Probably Not Yet

Since the last post I have gone round and round in my head....it's difficult not to say something...I already made one mistake. I logged in as one of his profiles and viewed his other one. I'm sure he hasn't noticed this yet.
There are a lot of things I need to take care of before I let this blow up in my face.
I found this put very well in an article I found. Here is the link, but the best section for me right now is the one titled "Suspicion Tends to Help Cheaters". 


The last thing I want right now is for him to tunnel under ground and hide what he is doing. I know if I confront him right now with what I know he will lie and probably get mad and leave using the excuse that "if that's what you want to believe." I've heard it before. Anyway, I'm trying to keep my cool. Not very easy right now.


Until later,


Jane

A Cheating Spouse Online Now

This wasn't the next post that I planned to write but circumstances dictate it.
Last week I had noticed things seemed awfully quiet on my husbands favorite (for now) online dating sites. (about 6 related sister sites). He works two days a week where he is able to be online and while I am at home I log in to the profiles I set up and look to see if he logs in.
Well, I had noticed a sudden lack of activity, so I thought maybe he had changed his hunting ground, but by a twist of fate, last night I found out the truth.
He was at work and I was logged in to all the sites with his screen name searched for and brought up....let's just call him "cheatingspouse2011"  and for some reason, I though that maybe I should start the search fresh, plug in the age range and zip code (thankfully, I live in a relatively small city) and what do I find, but he has a new profile on the same sites......"cheatingspouse20111234".......he didn't even bother to change zip code, or any other details,  except that now instead of being divorced looking for nothing serious, he is separated, looking for relationship and marriage.
Am I being fired?!!  I was furious.....and really had to follow my own advice and not call and confront him and let myself simmer down. I did manage to log into one of the sites as his new alias and fought the temptation to upload a profile picture for him...namely of a donkeys ass!

So, once again I'm faced with the dichotomy of him and I getting along so well, I enjoy his company, he goes on and on how he loves me and how I better love him, but there he is pulling this crap. It feels like a major mind game. No matter how everything else seems about my life....I can only pretend for so long that the core isn't rotten. There are things I need to take care of before I can afford to say anything. I need to pay down my debt and wait on some family issues.

So for now,

Jane

Are You Married to a Cheating Spouse?

How do you find a cheating husband? A lot of ways. Today, I'm going to talk about free online people searches.
First of all I want to mention that if you do searches using any of these search options today...you need to repeat them occasionally. Information changes and I found that new information, screen names, email addresses don't show up right away. Oh, and sometimes they don't show up at all. My husband has an extra email address....or two or three, and they don't show up using theses options.
The other caution I will mention is that sometimes these people searches combine information of two people. So don't make a rash decision based on what you find until you have done more fact finding.

In other words, these ideas are just options and what you find may send you in a direction to find out what you really need to know.
If you google people searches you will come up with probably all these sites I'm going to mention. Why do I bother mentioning them? Because using them is part of my story and I want to give you my personal experience with them.
there is 123people.com, wink, isearch, radaris, pipl and spokeo that I have used the most.  And there is always good old whitepages.com, your basic online phone book.

Wink seems to base most of it's information on MyLife....which I know for a fact isn't always correct and you can't view the information anyway...unless of course you have a paid MyLife account.

123people.com gives you a lot of information for your search but obviously a lot of what you find is determined by the name you are searching for...how common is it...the size of the town or city and any other distinguishing details about a person. You can search by email, phone number etc.

I like Radaris...though it can be overwhelming it does give you a lot of information to go through.

I use Pipl.com and Spokeo.com a lot. Search for yourself and see how much information comes up (it's a good idea to do this periodically anyway) and see how accurate it is. Never correct anything by the links offered to you on any of the sites. A lot of the information these sites have are given to them...so don't make it easy for them to have your information.

One of the frustrations I experience is that a lot of the information returned is from social networking sites....and yes, I did find a myspace profile on my husband where he says he is single, but for the most part I'm hoping to find info on dating sites. I haven't found as of yet, a dating profile search engine. Though sometimes Google.com is the best way to go. google your spouses' email, screen name, even name plus location. I googled my husband friend finder profile name and came up with two hits.

The same as with the dating sites....using these search engines will give you information that can be ignored on other sites....screen names of other people come up here and you'll see them elsewhere. The same tip I gave you in a previous post.

Don't forget, if you have an experience I'd like to hear it and share the information or if you have a question you can send me a message and I'll answer it on my blog so everyone can benefit and you can remain anonymous.

Until then,

Jane

Where to Look for that Cheating Spouse

Okay, so you are 95% certain he or she is "looking for love" online and may have even found it. If you want to go the route of setting up your own profile in order to catch him and have that evidence in order to make your next move first you have to decide where to look for him.
If you have nothing to go on, no sneak peeks at a website or email, there are several places to start.
His email provider...they all have ads in their emails (with few exceptions) you've even seen them in your email. See which dating sites his email is promoting. Go to the browser he uses and search for
"online dating", "sex personals" etc and see what the top ten hits are....aim for the free ones first, unless you have credit card receipts with something suspicious on them.
Don't forget to check the ones you see advertised on T.V.
Then there is the matter of sister sites. If he is on AFF, they have at least a dozen sister sites, some more freebie oriented than others.

Until next time,

Jane

Adultfriendfinder Better for Men or Women

The past few days I've been doing a little experiment. I've logged in to adultfriendfinder as both my husbands profile and one I created as a woman.
As a man I've hotlisted and/or winked at over 60 women. Only two have browsed my profile, none have contacted or flirted with me and whenever I tried to contact one through the chat feature they were never available. But the oddest thing was that shortly after I hotlisted a woman it seemed that she logged in. Could be coincidence. I resorted to trying to interact to the women without profile pictures...it's always been my suspicion that the ones without a picture are more likely to be real.
Anyway, logged in as a woman I've been getting several views and messages a day......and as a woman I don't look at any male profiles and I certainly don't hotlist or flirt. If I log into the chat feature I'm bombarded with chat requests.....and no I don't have a picture.  Hmmmm, I suppose that negates my theory about non picture profiles and possibly that is what is happening to the women I try to contact as a man...they are being bombarded, specially the ones with sexy pictures.
Thought I would share with you my experiment. I've always suspected that men were more likely to throw money at a shot at 'dating' a woman for sex than a woman would, so the dating sites use women's profiles to lure men in......give them enough to keep them interested but not enough to satisfy them so they are likely to shell out the money.
Oh well, until next time.

Jane

Intimate Dating

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10 Members Interested In You

Summer 2010, apparently my husband took out an online profile on Friendfinder.com.  This will be the first one I found that he signed up for since he and I have been together. If you've read my other posts you will know that I found old, inactive profiles from two years before we met.
I had actually stopped looking......checking the traps I had set several years ago, but he accidently gave me the proof.
It was September 2010 and he asked me to help him with his email (not unusual, as savvy as he thinks he is, he misses the smallest details of online apps), he said he was having trouble logging in. He gave me a hotmail email (news to me). I asked why he had the new email...he said he was getting too much spam in his aol account....okay, I'll play along. So he gives me the log in and password. Hmmmm,  jdell6606......his first initial, computer he uses and his favorite numbers...as explained in a previous post <http://isyourhusbandcheatingonyou.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-husband-has-left-trail-of-email.html>.
So I help him...his inbox, sent and trash are all squeaky clean.
A few days later he goes out of town on business (something he hasn't had to do in a few years so it was unexpected).
I know from previous experience that he doesn't have much chance to check his email the first few days on a job so I frequently check it myself. Sure enough, on the second day there's an email from Friendfinder.com stating that three members are interested in jdell6606. It's his information, no doubt, no picture though. As I look at all the information I see that he opened the account at the end of July. Suddenly the summer makes sense. He was annoyed with me all summer, I couldn't do anything right, he was argumentative and I was getting those check in phone calls when he worked overnight. You know the kind....they call out of the blue to see where you are and if there's any chance of you showing up.  I won't make that mistake.....if he calls like that again, I'll say I'm busy and show up to see what he's hiding. Some people think the grumpy disposition is based on guilt but I think it was his way of convincing himself  he didn't care for me or find me attractive.
Anyway, I printed out the information in case he went back in and deleted the account.
A few days after he came home I confronted him and his explanation was "I didn't open that account, they must have gotten his information from his aol account." Amazing, like a psychopath actually. And he stuck to his lie like glue. Funny, too because the information (including the user named based on his brand new email account) couldn't be gleaned from any of his online information.
So this is the first step in the chain of events that brought me to starting this blog.

Until next time,

Jane

To Tell or Not to Tell

The age old questions: "If I know a friend's husband or wife is cheating, do I tell them?"
Since I have numerous, possibly dozens of online profiles in at least a dozen sites (no, they are not me or my stats....just bait for my husband....and yes, he has bitten....more about that later), I have wondered if I would see anyone I knew and it has happened. I have seen people I recognized from the area but I didn't actually know them or who they are....imagine how strange it was to be having a yard sale and look up to see a man I had seen on one of the sites!!
Anyway, I have seen a pathetic profile for a man that both my husband and I know, he is single, but knowing him, he's not a catch at all and seeing his picture....he's not attractive at all.....I'm talking "Larry, Daryl and Daryl" from the Newhart Show. But....good luck to him and who ever responds to him.
Then there is another man, both my husband and I know, that is married, but he states so in his profiles and I know that he and his wife have an 'open marriage', whatever that is.
But it still makes me wonder what I would do if confronted with that situation and would someone let me know if they knew about my husband.
Interestingly enough, last summer my cell phone rang and when I picked it up I heard a woman speaking....as if I had come in in the middle of the conversation. I thought it was a friend of mine and I started talking to her, saying her name.....it almost sounded like she was leaving a voice mail. I am from the generation of picking up a landline and interrupting someone as they were leaving a message and that is how this felt to me. So I paused for a minute in time to hear her say "I thought you should know" and she hung up. I checked incoming and missed calls....nothing and no voicemail. I realized it wasn't my friend and have never figured it out, even combing though my cell phone bill for incoming numbers.
The timing coincided with an online profile my husband had on friend finder, though I didn't know that until two months after the call.
Next post will be about that profile and how I found it and what I did.

Until then

Jane

Fake Online Dating Profiles

A word about fake profiles....yes, I've created a few, but when creating a dating profile on any of the sites I have already mentioned or will mention in the future, a profile photo is optional. In it's place is an obviously male or female grey silhouette.
What I discovered the other day was the website http://www.digimarc.com. The reason I came across this was that I was trying to figure out how to put a watermark in a picture.  What I found out was that with digimarc, you can put an electronic watermark in your photos and locate them online and see how they are being used. Which brings me to the reason I've gone techie for the moment. From what I have seen on these dating sites are photos, both head shots and nudes or partial nudes. Some of these seem to me to be fake profiles. Why I think they are fake I will go into later this week, but the bottom line is that there are fake profiles with profile pictures, which means someone's passport photo,  graduation photo, resume pic or  naughty photo is being used by someone else. Yes, there are people that put nude photos of themselves online...and that is their business but I'm positive that those photos are being used to spice up fake profiles.
If I were to use any sort of photo of myself online, I would certainly consider using digimarc.
Imagine, you are feeling bold and you take out a profile on Adult Friend Finder and post a sexy photo of yourself. You add the digimarc and by tracking that photo you can find out if  it has been used to create a profile on another site, or is being posted on a porn site.
Better yet, if you are suspicious of your spouse, add digimarc to all digital photos and you can see if he or she has taken that great pic of the two of you, taken at your friend's wedding and cut you out in order to use it to get hook ups.
Also a good idea to make sure no weirdos are using your children's pics, innocuous as they may be.

Hornymatches

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Forgive a Cheating Husband?

I know I've been trying to look at some of the humorous aspects of this subject, but sometimes I get really down thinking about certain facts about my situation. While I can't be certain whether or not he has actually cheated on me, I know for a fact that he has taken out online dating profiles or ads and as I have already explained the ones from before we met can't be held against him but they speak volumes about him.
The ones from the past year and a half, he hasn't been into for a month or so. A few months ago he told me he wasn't checking them but I know for a fact he was, though there were no communications between him and anyone on them.
So, lately he hasn't even been checking his email which makes me nervous. Why? Because, if he's not acting out in that way, what is he doing? There are no unexplained blocks of time, so I think he's not doing anything (as he has done in the past) but this will last another month, a few months? I don't know.
This has happened before, only I don't know how many times we have gone through this cycle, since I wasn't aware of all of this, I don't know all of the steps, the lengths of time or anything to expect.
See my other entry about this same topic.
Before when he would cycle, I didn't have enough to go on to see the next wave coming, but that's what I'm hoping will be different this time. I have drawn a line in the sand......if he starts any more online window shopping, that's it.

This week I want to get back to searching for someone online, what I have done personaly and get back to reviewing more of the dating sites.

Until tomorrow,

Jane

I Want to Date A Senior

I could spend hours here telling you about the funny (at least to me) profiles I see online, the differences between the male and female profiles and what (I think) works and doesn't work.
But this morning I'm going to talk about one I saw....I don't want to use actual screen names (in order to protect the 'innocent')...yeah right.
Anyway...the made up screen name is WildBill5040. Bill is 57 years old and chooses to have as he main profile picture, a picture of himself in a golf cart. Okay, so it's a fancy green golf cart, but a golf cart all the same and to anyone under 50 years old and possibly to those over 50 too.....golf cart spells old fart.
Then, I look at his profile and there's the picture of himself in his golf cart and there's a second picture.  I click on it and it's a close up of his....you guessed it...his "stick shift"....nothing else, except enough to see that he has a flat stomach. Amazing flat for a man his age come to think of it which makes me wonder.

That's all for today,

Jane

Do You Want to Know A Secret

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Adios Amigo or "That's Spanish for Adult FriendFinder"

This review/observation on the adult friendfinder sites will be about the rest of the alternate sites. That includes Amigos, French friendfinder, German, Asia, Italian,Portuguese etc....you get the idea. There are also Senior, BigChurch, Gay, Grad and MillionaireMate....how honest do you think those men are because in my experience women lie or hedge about who they are, their weight, age, whereas men lie/hedge about their accomplishments, income and job/military experience.
I have never checked out the Millionairemate site and there is this: I can see my husband putting his profile on their and stretching the truth about his income. Hmmm.

I've been on Amigos.com Senior and BigChurch...all of them similar to AFF. In my experience if you want to be able to make a genuine hook up without too many constraints, I would opt for friendfinder.

Maybe I'll check out Millionaire. I'll let you know.

Have a good weekend,

Jane

My Husband is Cheating Online....or at least he was.

I don’t like living like this, but look at the time spent going over what happened as an opportunity to exam what happened, what my part was and what I would do differently and hopefully by posting all of this will save someone else many steps of process if they find themselves in a similar situation.

Anyway, back to what happened to me.

I received an email at the 101@aol account that his account with Lovehappens was about to close. I took the opportunity to log in and look at his profile before the site shut down. It also gave me something else to go by. Apparently at that time he was on the dating or looking for love sites, as I call them, as opposed to booty call/sex hook up sites. 

Around the same time an email came in that SmithJ92 had received a message at American Singles. Another profile......slightly different profile or screen name but basically looking for the same thing, same type of women.

Hmmm, I can't say I fit the discription. Oh well, I fell in love with him but if I had been asked what my ideal man looked like before I met him, the physical description wouldn't have fit him either. If anything I am a much closer fit to what he was looking for than he is to what I would have said was my ideal.

And as with the AFF profile these two 'new' ones were from about the same time period, before we met.

But if I had known he was prone to online excursions (because these were done while he was still married to his ex) I never would have gone out with him the first time.

Next week I will post a mix of what happened between us and how things were revealed to me and some reviews of more on the dating sites along with some amusing looks at what men seem to think women are looking for on these sites.

Until tomorrow,

Jane

Alt.com The Hardcore alternative to Adult Friend Finder

Not that I thought my husband would have a profile on alt.com, but then again you never know, so here is a brief review/opinion on Alt. com, an alternative lifestyle dating, hookup site.
Sign up and the basic format runs the same as AFF with the main difference in the hook up choices and search options. Instead of just searching for a man, or even a couple, you can search based on dominance, fetish and more. Things I didn't even know about.  Though the same applies to a standard, read that 'non paying' member, you have only limited access to the profile information, see my entry on AFF. But if this is where your interests are then instead of spending time on other sites pretending to look for "Ms Right" it may even be worth it to pay the membership fee (there are several options) and find a fetish friend.

Until next time

Jane